[amicon]

It's not harsh-I've said this all along,Bella,he has committed a very serious crime.

[bellaroo]

How is that not harsh.I know what happened was wrong I mean he's married and he's my best friends dad but if he had of just left it then I wouldn't of needed any advise now I'm just confused.I rang him to talk but he didn't pick up he sent me a txt saying he couldn't talk he would talk tomorrow.I'm totally overwhelmed at the moment by everything and honestly don't know what to do.I never thought about it the way you all have put it.I don't want to be the reason my friends dad goes to jail.How messed up is this ****

[amicon]

You see your best friend's 'hot' dad-we,from the outside,see an adult male who seduces at least one underage girl-that's the crime;it's a criminal act in most countries,so ,again,even though I feel as if we are a l l talking to the wall-go tell a responsible adult.

[JudyKayTee]

How is that not harsh.I know what happened was wrong I mean he's married and he's my best friends dad but if he had of just left it then I wouldn't of needed any advise now i'm just confused.I rang him to talk but he didn't pick up he sent me a txt saying he couldn't talk he would talk tomorrow.I'm totaly overwhelmed at the moment by everything and honestly don't know what to do.I never thought about it the way you all have put it.I dont want to be the reason my friends dad goes to jail.How messed up is this ****

I'm sure you are upset and confused and emotionally torn, overwhelmed. That's what adults who have sex with underage women/girls count on. You would be amazed at the number of these incidents (which could also be called crimes) which are not reported for that very reason.

I think you need to step back and look at this clearly for a second - first, there was alcohol involved. You are under age. Who/where/how did the alcohol get to you? That's step number one.

As a side issue - where were his wife and child when he was having sex with you?

You aren't the reason he could go to jail; HE is the reason HE could go to jail. He had sex with someone who is underage. Being married, being someone's father, those are moral issues, moral considerations. Having sex with someone who is under age and LEGALLY unable to consent to a sexual relationship is a crime. That's not a moral issue.

HE put his family at risk; HE put you at risk (you have no idea who else he's been with so at this point you have no idea if he's risked your health) concerning an STD; HE put you at risk for a pregnancy - and there is no such thing as being 100% safe. I don't want to add to your concerns but these are valid things you must consider.

As a side issue if he's so "hot" why is he preying on underage girls and not women his own age?

You need to speak to someone, an adult, who will understand.

[bellaroo]

Im sorry if you feel like you are speaking to a wall,I have been listerning to everything everyone has said and I guess I'm just scared it's not something that's easy to do and no matter what anyone says I do feel like it's my fault to.I care heaps for my friend and what are people going to think of me,what type of person I am.I wouldn't even know who to tell or even how to tell I am ashamed of what happened.My parents will be so disappointed in me.Everything my mum said to me about sex and being careful I didn't even listen to.What happens if I tell,will I have to go to the police and tell them what happened.Everything will just be even more worse

[Synnen]

I don't know what will happen when you tell, because I don't know all of the laws in your country.

I DO know that you will be hurting YOURSELF if you do not tell. You will have issues with relationships, you'll have issues with trust, you'll have issues with authority---you need to tell so you can get the help YOU need to get over this.

We know it's not easy, hon. That's why we're here trying to encourage you to do what the right thing for YOU is.

[ken007nielsen]

You make mistakes growing up, it's a part of life - I never really listened to my parents either growing up regarding sex. But now that I'm older I see potentiel danger I brought myself in.

But what's done is done nothing you can do about it. What matters now is how you react to the circumstances, I'm sure your parents will be disappointed at first, that's natural - but they will also respect you for coming clean and realizing that you put yourself in harms way and your mature enough to seek help with a problem that you can't solve yourself. Part of growing up is to know when you reach out and ask for help, EVERYONE faces a hard time or choice they themselves can't solve without the guidance of some of your fellow people.

Deep down you know something's wrong that you needed help with, but there's only so much we can do from here, the rest is up to you - act like an adult and do the right thing even though its very hard.

What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. It's always worth it.

[JudyKayTee]

And I'm not terribly certain that the mistake wasn't the alcohol which may have started this chain of events, not the sex.

If the OP were an ADULT, intoxicated, the male should have known better.

It's not about the mistakes we make in life. It's about how we get over them, whether we learn from the experience.

[bellaroo]

I spoke to a person from kids help line she said he would get charged with sexual penatration of a minor and supplying alcohol to a minor.I would have to be inteveiwed by police and then he would be charged,if he pleaded not guilty it would go to court and I would have give my statement to the court and be asked questions.Thats pretty full on.I'm going to tell someone I'm not sure who.Do you think I should tell my friend I know she isn't going to want to be my friend anymore and I wouldn't blame her but maybe I should tell her first.

[amicon]

Well done for speaking to the helpline!

You're doing the right thing.

I think you should speak to your parents and/or your school counsellor.

Don't speak to your friend-let adults take over now.

[DoulaLC]

Tell your parents... you will need their guidance and support.

[bellaroo]

I think I will tell my mum.Maybe I should write her a letter I don't know exactly know how to tell her.I feel like I should tell my friend.I feel really bad if I don't tell her myself.I just want to telll her I'm sorry and I didn't mean for it to happen,if I don't tell her now then when she finds out she won't speak to me and I'll never get to say sorry

[amicon]

Speak to your mother rather than writing her a letter-she's your mum-she loves you.

Leave it be with your friend for the time being;either way she probably won't want to speak to you-but the main thing is tell your mother.

[J_9]

You need to talk to your mother rather than a letter. She needs to see it in your face that you are telling the truth.

I agree to leave it be with your friend for now. Talking to her first would be the worst thing you could do at this point.

[bellaroo]

Speak to my mum that's going to be hard,I doubt she will be very happy with me I'd rather not be there I thought a letter would be better then I don't have to be there when she finds out.I'm worried I know she will go off,if it's in a letter she can cool down not be so mental.Or maybe your right maybe it is better coming straight from me

[amicon]

You're going to have to face the music sooner or later.

Make it sooner.

Good luck.

[bellaroo]

I told mum what happened.I feel so horrible she made me go to the police station,I had to tell them everything they took my mobile and came to the house and took my clothes I was wearing that night.I feel so bad,it was the worse thing I have ever had to do in my life.All the questions I had to answer and my mum had to be in the room with me and she kept on crying.I don't think I should have told, my parents have hardly spoken to me this was a big mistake.I can't even imagine what I've done to my friends family.I should have just dealt with this myself instead of doing this.God I wish I could just disappear

[J_9]

I'm sure I can speak for the others here. We are all so proud of you! Good job!

Honey, you did the right thing. I know it's hard to believe now, but you saved other young girls from going through the same thing.

What you did was very brave!

[Handyman2007]

You did the right thing. Good Luck...

[Synnen]

Honey--you did the right thing.

I know it's REALLY hard right now--your parents are disappointed, it's embarrassing to go through, it hurts and you feel horrid.

It WILL get better. You did the right thing.