[Synnen]

Okay, I can understand being naïve at 15.

But you're compounding that with being STUPID.

Do NOT meet this guy ANYPLACE where you are ALONE with him.

He WILL hurt you. He WILL blackmail you into sex with him again. He is SICK, and he will NOT stop until you tell someone.

Yes, you're going to hurt your friend---that's unavoidable. But hon--you have to take care of YOURSELF first, and meeting this man again at ALL is not a good idea.

And think of it this way--your friend might forgive you having sex with her dad ONCE---but she will NOT forgive an affair (and that's what you're starting here) that breaks up her parents' marriage.

[DoulaLC]

Write your friend a note, write her mother a note, admit you made a horrible mistake, ask for their forgiveness. Do not meet with this man, do not text him anymore, do not respond to any attempts he makes to contact you. If you need to, save the texts and show them to your friend and her mother.
If you ever feel unsafe, or he won't stop hounding you, tell your parents, tell the police.

Sure people will be upset... but they will find out sooner or later anyway and you can be sure you aren't likely the first or the last person he will cheat on his family with. You have the power to stop him from hurting your friend and her family anymore than he already has.

If your friend forgives you, and wants to continue being a friend, count your blessings. If not, accept it, let it go, and learn from it.

[Handyman2007]

He is a predator. I bet there were others before you. Tell someone. This man is dangerous.

[talaniman]

To keep a friend, you allow yourself to be a victim of this predator? What if your friend is also a victim?

[bellaroo]

I don't want to tell anyone. I know it was a mistake and I regret it.But if I tell anyone he will get into trouble and it wasn't like that.Plus I feel really ashamed for even doing it,so I don't really want to tell.I understand what your all saying maybe I should just meet him somewhere else or talk to him on the phone.I don't think he would hurt me he said he just wanted to talk

[DoulaLC]

You don't tell anyone and he does this with someone else. Where does that leave your friend and her mother? How many other girls has he been with?

Do you really believe he would be honest with you? He has lied to his family... the very people he supposedly loves! He most certainly will lie to you to keep you from saying anything. Do not meet with him, do not talk to him. What would be the reason? What could he possibly say to you that would make any difference? He only seeks to manipulate you further.

He has proven he can't be trusted. He has proven he is a liar. He has proven he is a man of no integrity.

I am sorry, I know you regret it, I know you are scared, and I know you don't want anyone to get hurt... but people will get hurt no matter what you do. You can make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

[bellaroo]

I'm so confused,I don't want to hurt my friend and it will hurt her if she finds out. If I tell someone.If I don't tell she will never know.But if I don't go and talk to him then he won't let me see her again we've been friends since we were 3 I don't want to not see her.I know sleeping with him was wrong he's married.I know he wouldn't hurt me, well I don't think he would he said he just wanted to talk about what happened.I'm so confused at the moment, what to do, I have read everything you all have said and it wasn't like he forced me or pressured me.I was just stupid I shouldn't of drank so much, I should have gone to bed when my friend did.It was my fault

[Synnen]

I'm so confused,I don't want to hurt my friend and it will hurt her if she finds out. if I tell someone.If i don't tell she will never know.But if I don't go and talk to him then he wont let me see her again we've been friends since we were 3 I don't want to not see her.I know sleeping with him was wrong he's married.I know he wouldn't hurt me, well i don't think he would he said he just wanted to talk about what happened.I'm so confused at the moment, what to do, I have read everything you all have said and it wasn't like he forced me or pressured me.I was just stupid i shouldn't of drank so much, I should of gone to bed when my friend did.It was my fault

It was NOT YOUR FAULT.

You are not an adult. He is. You are not married. He is.

This was HIS FAULT.

What reason will he give your friend for not letting her see you? "oh, sorry honey--your friend won't talk to me after I seduced her and gave a minor alcohol, so you can't talk to her anymore."

Yeah, that's CRAP.

This is one of those times I hate how anonymous the internet is, because I'd seriously like to call the cops for you.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Do not meet him. Tell your parents what happened. They will be disappointed, but they love you and you need their help to be protected from this man.

[bellaroo]

I couldn't tell my parents they would be so mad with me.I sent him a text saying I couldn't see him.He said he was going to pick me up from school because we really needed to talk.So I didn't go to school.I don't want to say anything to anyone,I just want him to get that I don't want to talk to him.I've made the biggest mistake in my life I just want him to leave me alone.I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't leave me alone, I don't know how I can even go to my friends house anymore I don't know what I was thinking I feel so horrible

[ken007nielsen]

You have already told him many times that you don't want anything else, and he should leave you alone.. he hasent done that yet!

So next time you see your girlfriend, it can't be anywhere near him because he's mad/scared your going to talk... and he want's to continue what he's doing..

And the reason for that is that he can see you're a scared child from which he can continue having sexual relation with without you saying anything to others, all he needs to do is keep pressuring you..

You have to pick the lesser of two evils here:

A) You tell your parents, they will decide what's best for you.

B) You say nothing, and this CREEP will continue you to harass you. And he Won't STOP, this isent one of those things that if you leave it alone it will go away.. it's going to continue!

I can understand your scared, but you have to tell someone. It's not going to go away!

[bellaroo]

I'm ashamed of what I've done how can I tell anyone.If I tell what would happen to him?I don't want him to get in trouble when it was my fault I should have said no.I really think if I just talk to him he will leave me alone.God I don't know I'm so confused,you all say he will keep harassing me but I don't see him like that he's always been real nice and caring to me.

[Synnen]

Honey... you HAVE to tell someone.

How many times do I have to tell you it was NOT YOUR FAULT?!

This is HIS fault. He knew that every single thing he was doing was wrong. You are the VICTIM here.

Of COURSE he's been nice and caring--and it got him into your pants, didn't it? A nice caring adult doesn't seduce underage young women, honey. He gave you alcohol, lowered your inhibitions, and took advantage of you.

YES, he is going to get into trouble. Do you want him to make another girl feel like you're feeling right now? What happens if you're pregnant or have an STD? Have you even thought that far ahead yet?

You NEED to tell. It will hurt you emotionally and mentally for a very long time if you do not.

I know you're not a child, but you don't have the life experience to realize that what he did, regardless whether you were okay with it at the time or not, was NOT OKAY. If someone told you that a 10 year old you know had a crush on her friend's dad, and he committed sexual acts with her--even though she wanted it!--wouldn't you say that he has issues, and that she should tell because adults are not supposed to touch underage children that way?

Please please please talk to an adult (not HIM!) about this! You need to make sure you get the help you need to get over this, and talking to him further isn't going to help you.

You realize WHY he wants to talk to you, right? It's to make sure you do NOT tell anyone---because he KNOWS what he did was VERY wrong. He will threaten, blackmail and lie to you to make sure you don't tell---and he's WRONG for doing that.

Please go see an adult about this. Your pastor, your school counselor, a trusted relative, ANYONE.

[bellaroo]

What kind of trouble will he get in, will he get arrested?I don't want that to happen.If he only wants to tell me not to say anything then maybe I should just talk to him and tell him I won't, then he will leave me alone.He's been ringing me all afternoon and txting me that he really needs to talk.Do you think if I just ring him instead of seeing him and talk he will leave me alone?I really don't want to tell anyone I just want him to stop calling and txting me.

[amicon]

You need to understand that he is a criminal and that other young girls are very likely to be at risk.

Stop trying to protect him and stop making excuses for his criminal behaviour.

Again, tell someone!!

[bellaroo]

I'm not trying to make excuses for what happen.Im just finding it hard to understand why what happened is his fault.I may be stupid but I'm not a little kid I made the stupid decision I could have said no, so doesn't that make it just as much my fault.I want to have nothing to do with him, it was a mistake and I hope no one my age will do the same.But what would happen to him if he doesn't leave me alone and I told?

[DoulaLC]

Ok, you drank too much... where did the liquor come from? Were you at his house? Was it his liquor? Did he know you were drinking?

It is his fault because he is the adult. It was his responsibility to make sure you were safe at his home if you were spending the night with your friend. It was his responsibility to make sure you were not drinking in the first place. It was his responsibility to not take advantage of the situation.

Of course he wants to talk to you... he knows he was wrong, he knows he can get into trouble, and he wants to make sure you don't say anything.

He will either plead to you, turn it around to be your fault, and try to make you feel guilty, or he will try to sweet talk you into how much he cares about you so you won't say anything, or he will become quite angry and threaten you with not seeing your friend or even perhaps causing some sort of harm.

If you can't speak to your parents directly, write them a letter and tell them that way. The same for your friend and her mother.

You really need to let the adults in your life deal with this. Everyone will know and understand that you are scared, you were taken advantage of in this.

He will do this again with some other young girl if he isn't stopped. Your friend will eventually find out and how do you think she will feel when she learns you knew about it already, but didn't say anything?

What will happen to him? I don't know your judicial system, but he could spend some time in jail, he could get probation. His family may break up, but that would not be your doing, that would be because of his actions.

None of it would be your doing, it would be because of his actions. His family has a right to know so that they can make a choice of what they feel they need to do. Better they know now and can make that choice, then to find out later it had been going on and you were one of the people who knew about it but didn't speak up.

And the most important thing is that if you told you would likely be protecting other girls from it happening to them.

[bellaroo]

I was just wondering what would happen if a 15 slept with an older man?Would they get arrested and if they did would they go to jail.If they went to jail how long would it be?

[bellaroo]

This is such a mess.If I tell someone what will people think of me.My friend will never talk to me again, there family will never be the same and all because of a stupid mistake.And if I don't tell anyone I'm going to feel bad if it's like tou say and he sleeps with other girls.I know what your saying is true and his family should know I suppose my mum would want to know if it was our family.But I can't do it I can't tell.I'm sick of him ringing and txting so I'm just going to talk to him and get it over with

[JudyKayTee]

If sexual contact is illegal at that age in that State the older man would do jail time as a sexual predator and be placed on the sex offender's list.

Jail time varies - could be 10 years.

If parents don't want to contend with 15 year old he/she could end up in Juvenile Detention and/or a foster home.

EDIT: I just read your other thread. This is not your fault and he is not your responsibility.

If nothing happens he could very well end up sexually abusing other under age girls. If he does and is charged and the truth comes out about earlier abuse he will be charged on for all sexual activity on all of the girls.

EDIT: I have asked that your threads be combined. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...ml#post2776882

[bellaroo]

Thanks I wanted to know what might happen.That sounds really harsh sex offenders list and jail.