Check out some similar questions!

bubba9u9 · Apr 15, 2011, 02:04 PM

OK... I already accept that what I am about to talk about is horrible, and that I'm a horrible person for it. I already know that, so could you please not rag on me about how terrible I am? I just need some advice... HERE WE GO!.

I've been married a little over 3 years now. For forum purposes, let's just call my husband Bob. I haven't been attracted to Bob in a little over a year. He's not a bad guy at all. He's amazing, but it feels more like living with a room mate who is also a best friend with benefits. I have tried to break things off with Bob and get a divorce already. Not very hard obviously, since we are still married. We have a 2 year old daughter together. We love her so much.

Here is where it gets bad... I have been seeing someone else for the last 5 months. I have known this person for over 10 years. We'll call him Fred. I've come to love Fred and am actually IN love with Fred, and he loves and is in love with me. I want to go to Fred's house and cook and clean and spend time with Fred more than I do with Bob. I would rather spend time with Fred then come home to Bob. Fred knows that I am married to Bob. Bob knows that I hang out with Fred, but does not know the extent of the relationship with him.

Here is where it gets worse... I just found out that I'm 9 and a half weeks pregnant. I do not know who's child it is. During sex with Bob, we do not use any kind of protection or pull out method. During sex with Fred, we use the pull out method EVERY TIME. However, I have sex with Fred more than I do with Bob.

It is not fair for me to keep living a lie or making Bob live a lie. It is just hurting us both. I have tried to break things off with Bob and get a divorce, because it just feels like having a best friend as a roommate with benefits. As being a wife and husband, I just don't feel it anymore. I love Bob, but I am not IN love with him anymore.

What should I do? Like I said, I know what I am doing is terrible and that I'm a horrible person for this. So please don't call me names or verbally beat me up for this. I do that to myself already!

Wondergirl · Apr 15, 2011, 02:33 PM

The baby is very possibly Fred's. (The pull-out method is absolutely NOT any kind of birth control.)

Is Fred free?

It's too bad you have never followed through on the divorce.

It's time to level with Bob -- about Fred and the coming baby who could be either of theirs.

amicon · Apr 15, 2011, 10:21 PM

Cards on the table-dna testing and then be the best possible mum!

talaniman · Apr 16, 2011, 07:54 AM

You have no choice but to tell them both that they could be dads, and let them decide what to do about it.

martinizing2 · Apr 16, 2011, 08:21 AM

You are not a horrible person.

What you are doing is horrible
To everyone involved but being human makes us all subject to make mistakes especially weakness of the flesh.

There is no choice as I see it.

Complete honesty and take the lumps.

You, your husband ,your friend, and your daughter will have your lives changed and disrupted . That is inevitable .
And another life is about to be brought forth and hopefully it will be in a place where all this has been settled .

This situation needs to be confronted now. It can do nothing but grow worse for all of you.

I do hope for all of you that when this is resolved you find peace with yourselves and each other.

Cairocat · Apr 16, 2011, 05:30 PM

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this but don't beat yourself up for it, I'm not going to say that you are horrible, but get a divorce with bob! You aren't in love with him any more and if your pregnant with possiblr freds seed than don't keep tham waiting for you. Not to sound cheesy but it'll be hard climing up the mounit but once your at the top everything is clear.

chuff · Apr 16, 2011, 08:55 PM

You made an oath to your husband. It's not his fault you didn't live up to it, so now you have made a bad situation worse it's time to quit the lies and just tell him.

I'm curious what you think the answer is? Because hiding what your doing from your husband is not only not working it's making it worse, so are of the belief there is some easy way out without telling him?

I bet you'll get that divorce that you've been trying so hard to get though.

bubba9u9 · Apr 20, 2011, 11:43 AM

No, I am not looking for an easy way out. I am just looking for advice.

Unfortunately, the new baby, I fear, is no longer a factor in this situation. I believe I am having a miscarriage, yet again. Not that it makes things easier, per say.

I just don't want to make the wrong decision.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2011, 12:22 PM

You have already made the wrong decision when you became a pregnant liar and cheater instead of handling your business at home in a positive way.

mystific · Apr 20, 2011, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by bubba9u9

No, I am not looking for an easy way out. I am just looking for advice.

Unfortunately, the new baby, I fear, is no longer a factor in this situation. I believe I am having a miscarriage, yet again. Not that it makes things easier, per say.

I just don't want to make the wrong decision.

I'm willing to wager, pregnant or not, you would'nt tell your husband the truth unless you absolutely had too.

You're a spinless, two faced, lying sorry for an excuse woman. You know exactly how it is.. and I'm also willing to wage your poor a$$ 'attempts' at divorce have been general conversation pieces that have no correlation to you whatsoever.

Do something decent in your life for your child and your husband. Stop beating around the bush.. own up to your deceitful behaviour and be done with it..

I can guarantee the grass is most definitely not greener... good luck in trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Oh.. and further thought.. your 'Fred' is screwing around with a married woman, whose to say he won't screw around with another when your cleaning his house?

Homegirl 50 · Apr 20, 2011, 09:45 PM

Whether you are pregnant or not you need to come clean and divorce your husband.
Don't just talk about it.
What you are doing is wrong and I would be interested to know how long the old boy friend stays around after your marriage is destroyed. How old are the two of you that you didn't have sense enough to at least use a condom? What if you have given your husband std?

Alty · Apr 20, 2011, 09:55 PM

The possible baby shouldn't play a part of your decision. Even if you miscarry.

You said it yourself. You don't love Bob anymore. So why are you with him?

It's time to leave Bob. Let Bob find someone that actually loves him, someone that will be true to him.

I'm sure you'd rather not tell him, I can only imagine how hard it would be, but you owe it to Bob. You made a commitment to him, had a child with him. Too bad you couldn't have figured out you weren't in love with him before all of that. The fact is, you made your bed, but you're sleeping in someone else's.

Stop playing games. You have to tell Bob the truth, get a divorce, no matter what.

Let Bob have a chance at happiness too. You've found yours, just not with Bob. Doesn't Bob deserve to find love too?

mmresd · Apr 21, 2011, 05:57 PM

Harshness alert!!

I won't be as nice. You are a horrible person... Among other things. Tell them both of what has been happening and when the baby is born DNA testing is the way to go. Also, I am pretty sure that to Bob you are a horrible wife, and for Fred, you are nothing more than piece of meat on his bed who he doesn't really appreciate other than being thankful for the clothes washing and meal eaten. Trust me, I've been that *******.

Good luck,
Javi