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broken33 · Apr 10, 2011, 05:21 AM

I have been with my husband for 3 years and I feel extremely neglected and unappreciated in our marriage. I take on most of the responsibility with work, kids and house etc. He lacks consideration and kindness with me despite all I do for everyone. He's always angry and in turn causes me to be angry.. he says I put too much focus on a clean house, but we have 3 kids and a clean house is important. I have asked him not so much to clean but help me keep it clean once I have done ALL the cleaning alone. He can be off from work and home all day, yet ill come home from a long workday and find the house disgusting, dishes piled in the sink, toys all over the floor, clothes thrown from every corner around the house, dirty diapers on the floor, it goes on and on trust me. Lately the stress has caused me massive weight loss and anxiety. I try conversing with him but its like he doesn't hear me or want to hear me. I'm lonely and sad all the time and he doesn't care yet tells me all the time he loves me and can't live without me. I have asked for time apart,but he won't give it to me. What do I do please?

cdad · Apr 10, 2011, 05:46 AM

How old are the children? Why doesn't he see that things are as bad as you describe? Do you always talk about things after you have changed the situation or before you start ?

tickle · Apr 10, 2011, 05:48 AM

Sounds like you didn't lay down any groundwork three years ago. Maybe you do put too much focus on a clean house and everything else is taking up your time, but no time for him, so you have fallen into a big rut of female life issues.

Can you afford paid help with the housework ? Are you working outside the house as well?

Quite frankly, broken, you mirror a lot of women trying to burn the candle at both ends. I won't say try and make him help, because obviously that isn't going to work.

Yes, you do need some time to yourself, so yes, don't wait for his permission, arrange things with the kids, the house, and work and take off for a few days.

When you are gone he will appreciate what you do so much more.

Ti ck

Fr_Chuck · Apr 10, 2011, 07:05 AM

I will agree, how old are the three kids,

Whose clothes are everywhere ( and why are they there)

Who is putting the dishes in the sink

Next is there things he is doing.

Also how clean is clean, is one shoe on the floor taking you over the edge ? We can't see the home so we don't know.

mulattomama · May 19, 2011, 11:06 AM

Sometimes, I think we as women take on too much. With kids, jobs, and trying to keep it all together around the house. I have a 3 yr old and 20 month old. I've learned that it's not the end of the world if their toys are not picked up and put away everyday. I've learned there are more important things than being so strict in my cleaning ritual. Now I'm not saying if the house is dirty, it shouldn't be cleaned, but there's a difference between dirty and messy. Messy can wait a couple of days to give you more time for what's really important - spending time with your kids, hubby, and of course, yourself.

So I would say consider cutting yourself a little slack in that department. As for feeling unappreciated, your husband may really not know how much goes into doing things around the house because he generally doesn't do them. Open up communication with him at a time when you're alone and you're calm (not upset or frustrated) as then he will be more receptive to your thoughts.

You definitely need some time to yourself. Take it!

Good luck!