[Portugal6]

So I met this girl at work and we hit it off really well. We had chemistry from jumpstreet. Although she has a boyfriend and I backed off for about 3 weeks until I ran into her again at work and we just started talking like we knew each other really well. So from there it went into flirting at work and to 8 hour conversations over the phone. A few times we had to talk about how we both know that this wasn't a good thing obviously and that she was emotionally invested already as I agreed that I was as well but she didn't know what to do. So one night she wanted to talk things over and decide on what to do between us, so I met up with her. We sat at a 24 hour diner for 7 hours, frustrated because we just didn't know what to do. I mean I really liked her but I knew that it wasn't right for me to be taking up her time the way I did or even be interested. Mind you that she's been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend for six years and only see's him once every 2 weeks or so. So I thought maybe I could just be filling a temporary void she has and that she just needed attention? But she of course disagreed and got a little upset that I felt that way. That same night at the diner we just ended up deciding to just be friends, and we tried. But of course our feelings got the better of us and we ended up making out in her car after work while we were talking about what to do again! The weird thing is, we both have feelings for each other and we both know that regardless on how we end whatever it is that were going through, were both stuck with other in our lives.

So last night she wanted to hang out and grab a drink. So of course I did and had the mentality of just hanging out with a friend. We ended up having a few beers and doubled back to her place. We made out again and again but it never passed that. We both stopped before it got too hot, but we kept on making out and at the same time were asking each other things like, " what are we doing?", "what are you doing to me?". We both knew we were sinning but we didn't regret any of it. She said she'd do the whole thing all over again if she had to. We both like each other and that's the truth but she said that she can't do this to her boyfriend and that she can't give me what I want right now and that she has to try to get over me, and I totally understood that. I told her that if she found herself alone and single in the future, that I would be more than happy to upgrade our friendship. So I guess Im asking for anyone's advice on what to feel and what to do other than the obvious about my current situation? I like her and she likes me but I know that I shouldn't be doing this, but what if she's the one, and Im just letting it go. I really don't know. Thank you very much for any advice :)

[amicon]

Look,she's already showed you that she's capable of going behind her longterm boyfriend's back-making out with you.

So,how do you know that during this 6 year LDR,y o u are the first one she's misbehaved with?

Attention seeking,definitely,but probably n o t the kind of attention you're thinking about.

I'd leave this well alone.

[talaniman]

You are following your lust and she is letting you. Why, only you both know. Long distance for 6 years?? What's up with that? Who even believes it?

Facts are facts though and you have allowed yourself to fall for a willing cheater, and keep falling deeper, and I know you can't help yourself, or the devil made you do it, whatever excuse you want to use, simple fact it YOU feel its wrong, on some level, so do something about it beside riding the tides of lust, and think its actually something there.

Leave her alone until she handles her business with the long distance boyfriend. Or keep going until you have to pay the consequences of your actions. Usually after the lust fades. Or the boyfriend gets back.

[jrsomello]

My friend, there's an old saying, all's fair in love and war, meaning there really is not right way or wrong way, but the fact that your conscience won't let you be at peace says a lot. It would be different if you were sure you wanted to be with her, because if she was "the one", there would be no question. If I were you, I would just get another chick with less strings attached to make out with. Start anew! And I only say that because through your whole post, you were affirming both yours and her doubts and feelings of guilt in you two's actions. Bottom line... get out before it gets any more complicated. Good Luck!

[Portugal6]

For the past 7 months I've been seeing this girl from my work. It started as an innocent conversation into something I'd never seen myself do. We've been inmate and we both fell in love with each other. She tells me that if her situation was different she would be with me in a heartbeat, and she can totally see herself starting a family with me as well. Granted I feel the same way, but have to take that with a grain of salt because as much as it's how she feels,& she has boyfriend!

We've tried to end it a bunch of times, but we manage to come back together again. She tells me " I want you in my life" and " were stuck with each other", " I love you". Pretty much everything you would hear if you were falling for someone. But she's still with her guy. She been with him for 7 years. When I first met her, he wasn't living with her until this past August he moved back in. At first, I told her perhaps I'm just filling a temporary void she had, but she said I was wrong?

Were both in our late twenties and both have our careers going. We both have a good idea on what we want in our lives as in starting a family and things in of that nature. On the other hand, throughout the past couple of months I've been at war with myself about this whole situation. I understand that she may be in love with me and possibly she meant everything she says when it comes down to our situation. But I had these moments were I'll ask her what she wants and she'll say that what she wants she can't have, and that she's in love with two people... is that possible? If it is, that sounds terrible but I can't help feeling some type of satisfaction knowing that she loves me too.

I completely made her a priority while I was just an option, I know that. But I can't seem to shake it off. I even started getting to know someone who I'm interested in but she still clouds my mind.

I haven't talked to her for a couple of days now, because I wanted to see her one morning after work (we work nights) and make her some breakfast, but instead she wanted to go home cause she was tired and I gave her some attitude, therefore she became upset and ended our conversation. I apologized and I never received a reply, later that Friday morning I texted her and asked why she was upset and if she wanted some space all she had to do was to say so. She replied finally by stating that she didn't want to talk about it via text but she promised that she would when she had the opportunity, mind you, it was her boyfriend birthday on the weekend. So I said sure and give me a ring when your ready to chat.

So I'm asking from the readers there opinion and what would they do if they were in my situation, and perhaps if you were in a similar situation I'd like to know how you went about it, because frankly I'm driving myself up the wall with this entire thing and I don't want to use anger or animosity as tool to dealing with it. Thank you very much I really appreciate the responses.

[pandead]

I haven't talked to her for a couple of days now, because I wanted to see her one morning after work (we work nights) and make her some breakfast, but instead she wanted to go home cause she was tired and I gave her some attitude, therefore she became upset and ended our conversation. I apologized and I never received a reply, later that Friday morning I texted her and asked why she was upset and if she wanted some space all she had to do was to say so. She replied finally by stating that she didn't want to talk about it via text but she promised that she would when she had the opportunity, mind you, it was her boyfriend birthday on the weekend. So I said sure and give me a ring when your ready to chat.

They have been together for many years, perhaps she is getting bored and she misses the feeling of being in a new relationship. Maybe after 7 years, he doesn't make breakfast for her (or maybe he does!) and you are there, to satisfy her.

I completely made her a priority while I was just an option, I know that. But I can't seem to shake it off. I even started getting to know someone who I'm interested in but she still clouds my mind.

Yep you got that right, you ARE an option. If she wanted to be with you, she would. But she is not... get the hint and focus on the person you are interested in. You sound like a great guy, don't you think you deserve more than her (or anyone's) spare time?

As for your last question, since you are asking me (and the others here) what we would do if we were in your situation, I would ask you; read the story above and imagine me telling you that I am "dating someone who has a boyfriend", wouldn't you advise me to turn around and run?
I know I would.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-568829.html

You mean you can't dump this cheater and stop being used? If it were me, that's what I would do.

[jordan613]

If you are not in a relationship and you are getting taken advantage of unless she does many things for you in an equivalent fashion. If you feel used then you are so the breaking up the relationship is probably the best option. Look at it this way if you are single and have a good career what do you have to loose besides a deceptive partner who treats you like a piece of meat.