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    needinput's Avatar
    needinput Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 31, 2011, 05:45 PM
    Is it OK for my wife to have single guy friends but has no married guy friends?
    Is it OK for my wife to have single guy friends and no married ones. They Facebook and text each other some are at the bar when she goes linedancing
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    Mar 31, 2011, 05:58 PM

    If you trust her and she is open about who her friends are, then it is fine. If she were hiding things, or it causes you to worry, then you need to talk to her about it. It isn't always a case of whether it is OK or not, it is how the individuals feel about the circumstances involved.

    Is she spending a great amount of time talking to them or is it just now and then?

    Have you met any of these guys? Do you go dancing with her sometimes? Maybe it would help if you got to know them as well.
    needinput's Avatar
    needinput Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 31, 2011, 06:13 PM
    She hides her texted and deletes Facebook posts. As for trust its hard to because of something's that happened with her in the past.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #4

    Apr 1, 2011, 06:12 AM

    If there are past issues that are affecting the current relationship, then you might look into marriage counseling.

    In general, friends of any gender or sexual orientation are fine as long as both partners are open about the friendships and respectful of the partner's feelings. It doesn't mean that every communication has to be announced, but communications should not be hidden or secretive. The only time being secretive is okay is planning a surprise.

    Specific to your situation, has she ever been open about these friends? Has she ever tried to include you in the friendships? How have you reacted to any of their messages or just knowing about the communications? Have you kept the door open so that she can share these friends with you? Have you discussed your feelings with her or have you tried telling her what to do and who she can be friends with? Could you both be over-reacting in the way you are handling these friendships because of past issues?

    It sounds like you both need to sit down with no distractions and no confrontations and discuss the issues. Be open about how you feel and why, but also listen to her side and find out what is going on from her. Once it is all on the table, work out boundaries that both of you can live within. Those boundaries might include being more open about communicating with friends and no more hiding messages if they are supposed to be innocent. If you can't work it out on your own or would feel more comfortable with a neutral party mediating the exchange, look into marriage counseling.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Apr 2, 2011, 05:20 PM

    If you cannot trust her through talking then you will never trust her. Maybe she hides things to avoid you confronting her, I don't know, but for sure talking can shed some light on the truth.

    For sure, NOT talking will only make things much worse.

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