[AndrewG1999]

Dear Diary,

I need your help. My parents are divorced and it's been a year and a half now. I've been fine, but now I realize I need them back together. I'm just a kid. I'm too young for a broken heart. Is there any way at all to get them back together. I need them to marry again. I need them to stop hating each other. They bring me in the middle an ask me personal stuff. I'm forced to lie to my own parents. It hurts so much. I just want to get away from it all. I'm having suicidal thoughts. I need my parents to get married. Not to anyone though, to each other. They're perfect for each other but they don't know any better and I have to fix this. Not just for me, but for my whole family. They hate each other and now I'm just their personal spy to spy on the other person. My dad has a girlfriend and my mom has a boyfriend. I don't like them. They steal my parents. My parents are neglecting me. It feels like abuse and I don't know what to do. Someone please answer this call, because right now, I'm torn between whether I should run away, or commit suicide. Please help me. Somebody. Anybody. I'm dying here. Literally. Help me. I'm begging you!

[Fr_Chuck]

First no, you can not, and should not do anything. They have to live their life and you can be apart of both of their lives. You parents are moving on, and you have to find a way to accept this.

First they did not split up because of you and you can't get them back together either.

Tell your parents and let them get you into counseling to learn to deal with this.

Next don't lie, tell them you will not, next not spy, tell them you will not

[martinizing2]

Fr Chuck is correct.

You cannot, and should not try.
Your parents relationship is between them.
You do not know the years of their interactions
Well enough to form a valid conclusion.

Keep your relationship on an even keel .
Tell them you will not judge people you
Love, and respect their decision.

Stay out as much as possible.

It hurts everybody when these breakups happen.
How would you feel if one of your parents killed
Themselves?

They would also be devastated if you did
Something stupid like that.
You can be the handle of reality for
Them , and be supportive , it will
Help all of you work through the pain.

It is these times that bring people together
And makes you stronger.
It will get better, and will get better
Faster if you help.

[dontknownuthin]

I agree with the other posts but have to spread reputation.

I think you have a fantasy that your parents just "don't get it" that they would be great together. You forget they were together a long time, and they know exactly what it would be like. There can be a lot of reasons people would be good together that are still the case when they are no longer together - it's just that the reasons they aren't good together are stronger. Your parents made this decision, and it was their decision to make.

The best thing for you to do is to decide that you will make the best of the new structure of your family. Your parents both deserve love, so be kind and welcoming to the people they date, and if either of them remarry, be happy for them and do your part to support their efforts to start over in a new marriage. You can be nice to their new partners - it's not a betrayal of the other parent at all. Your Dad's girlfriend or Mom's boyfriend have nothing to do with your parent's relationship with each other.

And keep in mind that you still have your entire family. You see them separately, but that's OK. Families change for a lot of reasons and it's a great blessing to have your famliy still and be able to enjoy them.

You are not alone - probably more than half of kids have divorced parents these days. It's unfortunate because it's really hard, but it doesn't mean you have a bad famliy or that you are bad. It more has to do with the fact that today, people can survive after divorce and still provide well for their kids and themselves. Your parents were not happy married - they can be happy apart. That is better. It may not seem like it because it takes a long time to get there, but this is the path they've chosen and you need to respect it.

It's OK to feel sad about the fact that the family you loved has changed, and you should talk to both of your parents about how you are feeling. Maybe they can get you some counseling to help you through this because it really is hard. But you'll be OK with all of this - it just takes some time to get over what you lost, then to see what's good about what you are gaining.

I am divorced and my son hated it at first, but he recently told me he thinks it's a lot better. He has step siblings now, whereas before he was an only child - it's less lonely. His step mom, who he originally hated, is a professor and because of that, he can go to college for half price at her college, which is a huge benefit. Once it occurred to me that I needed to tell him it was fine for him to like and enjoy her, he gave her a chance and she's been a really good role model for him, and has helped him a lot in school subjects that she teaches. He gets double birthday and holiday celebrations, and double vacations. Also, whereas his Dad used to rarely spend time with him, now that he has specific parenting time, the two of them have a really close relationship which I don't think they would have had if we had stayed married - his Dad was kind of forced to set time aside instead of working all the time like he did when he knew I was there to back him up. There are other benefits too - perhaps not always enough to make up for the preference for married parents, but we all go through hard things and have to learn to accept and adjust and look for the good things in life. You will be able to do that - just give yourself some time, and give yourself permission to have fun with both of your parents. There are gifts in every life change, but you need to be open to them.

[AndyBoyd]

Whoever you are, my heart goes out to you. If only parents could read a letter like yours before they do stupid things to each other, they would think twice. I've read your letter, and the two cold, shameful, heartless replies you've received so far. I'm the Dad of Andy (8)and Lily (7) and have just received my divorce papers today in the mail... and how do I feel? Disgusted. Guilty. Ashamed. Ashamed. Ashamed at the grief I've caused my two children and a much wider circle of families who think separation is a possible option because of what they see in my case. Marriage is for life. You only do it once. Even though my wife has accused me of terrible things which cost me my life's savings and my business to defend myself against, I still love her and have forgiven her. I wish she could forgive me but I'm afraid her heart is very much hardened against me. I've been given joint custody and visitation rights on a 50/50 basis but it's not enough. As my Lily says, Mammys and Daddys should live together. I'll note this site and get back to you later. In this situation my dear the only friend whom you can totally rely on is the Lord and if you want my advice, seek him out. I'm off to a prayer meeting now and we will all pray for you after I've read your letter out to our small group.

[dontknownuthin]

Andy, I don't really think any of the replies are cold or heartless. I think the intention behind all of them are to share with this child that her parent's relationship is really between her parents, and just as she didn't cause the divorce, she can't be responsible for getting them back together, either. Divorce is very difficult, but remarriage rarely happens and when it does, normally results in a second divorce. Staying in a fantasy that her parents will get back together, or taking on an unrealistic viewpoitn that there's something she can do but has failed to do to bring them back together, will only prolong the pain and prevent this child from moving forward and finding the good things that remain in life. We can't let kids falsely believe there's anything they can do to fix their parents' marriages - it's really unfair.

[AndrewG1999]

I know it's probably impossible, but it's nice to think about it. It helps make me feel better. I also keep telling myself that if it wasn't meant to happen, then fate wouldn't have set it up in the first place. And since fate did put them together, it means it must have been meant to happen. Also, I looked up on the Internet kinds of abusethat are illegal just because I was bored and they're doing illegal things. They're bribing and blackmailing and threatening. I just can't rake it any more. If I can't get them back together, can I at least get them to stop hating each other and using me? Please help…

[dontknownuthin]

Andrew, just know kids can't fix their parent's marriage - if they are meant to get back together, they will. In the meantime, love them both, forgive what they say or do in anger and hurt - they are human and probably hurting too over the dreams they have lost with their relationship not working out. You can't make other people love and respect each other, but you can certainly love and respect them yourself, which is truly all you can do.

[Fr_Chuck]

Andrew, I ask why are you not still with your wife ? It is because things did not work, and no matter how bad you tried it did not work, You spent large sums of money I assume fighting over something

At this point your children will be this child, and you know that there is nothing a child can do. To even act like it is, but to understand that they have to learn to accept things, that is what has to be done.

[Ducky126]

Dear Andrew,

I know exactly how you feel. I was only six when my parents got a divorce. Exactly like your situation, they were using me, just like you.they talked bad about each other, also. 5 years later, I am going on 12, and when I think about it,honestly I think life would be easier if they were together. My parents are in different states at this point, still my mom is talking bad about my dad and my dad is talking bad about her. Like you, I sometimes think about running away, and at one point I just wanted to kill myself. Sometimes people ask me if I wished my parents would get back together again, and I say- no. I got lucky because I liked my moms boyfriend and I still do. But I didn't like my dads girlfriend. They got married after that. For years, I didn't want to have anything to do with her, but then I tried to talk to her. She helps me, and does the stuff I like to do. Try to talk to your parents girlfriend/ boyfriend, they might turn out to be better than you expected. Make a journal, letting things out helps you, and you could talk to your counselours at school about it. Think about it, would you like to have your parents be in the same house, fighting constantly? Remember- Your parents (like mine) love you, and know deep down that they care about you and they love you more than anything, they are just so caught up in fighting with each other they don't realize that, so don't run away, or take your own life. If you are christian, sit down and pray to god, its all part of his plan,it seems crazy, I know, but everything will work out. Please respond to this if you need anymore questions answered.

[MusicGirl900]

Hey Andrew,
I know this a while after you first posted this question, so I hope your feel better.

My parents are divorced, and have been for 7 years now and I defiantly thought they would get back together at first and everything would go back to normal, but now I know they won't.

What ever you do, tell both your parents the truth on how you feel and don't keep it all lock up inside of you. I did that and I almost ruined my life because of it.
Find someone that is neutral, and that you can trust, to talk to.

I hope I helped.

[hannah23919]

Well when I was younger (11) my parents went through a phase were my dad was cheating on my mum. Soon after it started with this other person, my mum found out and kept it a secret. I spied on them and listened to their conversations. Big mistake, my mum was not grateful and I was not either, as my mum told me that I was missunderstanding their conversation, then later I found out the truth. It broke my heart to know my dad had done this, and for a while my mum was suffering on her own. The message to tell from this is not to spy or listen to your parents conversation (including no looking at their texts, emails etc.) YOU WILL FIND OUT THE TRUTH ON YOUR OWN. And if this does happen to you I am sorry as I know how much it hurts, but maybe if this happens and your parents don't tell you about it, they might be able to sort it out on their own (they are adults after all even though they may do stupid things), then you might never find out about it, that's what my mum thought she could do, so me and my brother, but to all parents out there, you need support, you need help, you cannot sort it out on your own.

[hannah23919]

Don't DO ANY OF THE THINGS THAT YOU SAID!!
Try to ask each of your parents if they think they will ever like each other again,
If they say why do you want to know or you don't need to know
Don't nagg them all the time, leave it at that
If things get worse maybe contact some friends and ask to go to the park or something with them, this works, it takes your mind off things for a while, then all you can think about is how much fun you had with your friends and talk to both your parents about what you did etc.

[liliesandroses]

I want my parents to love each other again. I really trust Dad, but my Mom is unreasonable sometimes. She's a nice person who sometimes gets a bit high on nicotine (she smokes and doesn't want to stop) and drinks too much. Then she gets really horiible and drunk and angry with my Dad, and locks him out of the house for the night. I can't tell anyone. Once he had to spend a whole night in my room, in fear of her pushing him out the house. My Dad is strong, not weak and overruled, but he still loves my Mom and doesn't want to hurt her. I won't proofread this because it's all true. If my Mom would calm down, I'd get Her back. (Her mom, my nan, died recently so I need things suitable to calm her down excluding that) Can someone please give me ways to calm Mom down?

I'm 12. Dad is 40, and he's gone to stay with his parents for a while because of the trouble. Please help, so I can have him in the house for christmas.


Dad still technically lives here at home.

My Mom won't stop drinking or smoking, if I ask her she'll probably drink more to get her mind off it.

This isn't just for me, I have two little brothers, age 6 and 8.

So please give me ways to help people calm down, please. So I can be happy with my family this christmas. Thank you if you try to help me.

[liliesandroses]

I want my parents to love each other again. I really trust Dad, but my Mom is unreasonable sometimes. She's a nice person who sometimes gets a bit high on nicotine (she smokes and doesn't want to stop) and drinks too much. Then she gets really horiible and drunk and angry with my Dad, and locks him out of the house for the night. I can't tell anyone. Once he had to spend a whole night in my room, in fear of her pushing him out the house. My Dad is strong, not weak and overruled, but he still loves my Mom and doesn't want to hurt her. I won't proofread this because it's all true. If my Mom would calm down, I'd get Her back. (Her mom, my nan, died recently so i need things suitable to calm her down excluding that) Can someone please give me ways to calm Mom down?

I'm 12. Dad is 40, and he's gone to stay with his parents for a while because of the trouble. Please help, so I can have him in the house for christmas.


Dad still technically lives here at home.

My Mom won't stop drinking or smoking, if I ask her she'll probably drink more to get her mind off it.

This isn't just for me, I have two little brothers, age 6 and 8.

So please give me ways to help people calm down, please. So I can be happy with my family this christmas. Thank you if you try to help me.

Sorry for putting it on someone else's thread but I need help. I have a few weeks, and I want my parents to get along for christmas.

[ajm819]

You know what, I never thought I'd end up at this site. For the person who spoke initially, I totally get you. I have thought about running away as a way of reuniting them in their love for me. My parents haven't divorced yet but the fights are less frequent but with more intensity. I think it is mainly because they are keeping things bottled up. Try to get them together and make each person share views and I think diplomacy should work

[dont worry]

Its mostly because parents pay for something and they fight over it because who ever paid more then the other like for child support and phone bills and kids can't do anything about it its still good to stay in your mothers and fathers life though. Don't forget you will always love them even if they are fighting they will always love you back. Kids only got to realize that they have too except what there parents do. No matter what even if there fighting or not. But if u brake up or something the best thing to do is ask for them back before they find someone else. If your one of those parents that brake up or something the best way is to forget about it is talk to a friend or a family member or take a jog around the block that will take it all off your mind and don't worry about it or it will get worse then it was at the very beginning and if you want them back say I want you back I love you o something that will make them come back. Again if you are one of those parents remember they might come back if they don't you just have to forget about it and move on and find a new partner to live with. Wish you luck if your boy friend or girl friend brake up with you thanks