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Anti_u · Mar 25, 2011, 01:08 PM

I'm a stay at home dad, Have been for the past 10 years My wife is in the us army and has been cheating on me for 3 years, Right now we are in Stationed Puerto Rico, Home is Washington state.
We have ( Me and the 3 boys) been dealing with physical emotional and mental abuse from her for a long time and I have talked to family services about the issue, She even tried to choke her son. We have 3 boys, 2 are mine and the oldest 17 year old boy is from her first marriage.

Can I just pack some bags and leave with all the boys and fly home to Washington state and file for divorce and custody of children even the 17 year old boy?

joypulv · Mar 25, 2011, 02:14 PM

No you can't, unless you go alone. Spouses run with children to protective places when they fear for their lives, but otherwise you stay and deal with police, Social Services, restraining orders, and divorce. What SS did you talk to, and what did they say? Are you residents of WA?
It's close to the end of the school year. Watch the kids, put the cheating issue on the back burner (and try to keep the 2 separate), and arrange a trip when school lets out. Contact a lawyer in WA now and start the divorce, secretly if you want. If your wife puts up a fight about the trip, you go alone when you have to for the divorce, and sue for custody too. In all states, children are minors until 18.

cdad · Mar 25, 2011, 02:19 PM

Part of the problem is that you really don't have legal ties to the oldest child as he is not yours. So taking him anywhere without permission other then in the course of normal activity would be kidnapping.

Anti_u · Mar 25, 2011, 03:21 PM

I do have power of attorney over all 3 boys, She is MAKING threats etc etc and yes the I will kill you was said

Now why would I have to go alone? If anything (I) have just as much right to the 2 younger boys as she does, In fact I would think I have more as I am the stay at home parent and have been for 10 years.

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2011, 03:43 PM

My question is where are you considered a legal resident. If it is in WA, then my opinion is that, yes, you can do this. I would contact an attorney in WA ahead of time to start the process. You might have an issue with the older boy depending on the nature of the POA. But I gather he wants to come with you so I don't see you getting in any real trouble over this.

You need to be able to document the abuse. But if you can, then I say go ahead. At least consult with an attorney for their recommendation.

joypulv · Mar 25, 2011, 03:52 PM

Why POA over all 3 when you are married?
Of course you have as much right as she does: she can't just steal the kids either. Marriage assumes shared custody until you don't get along and then you get divorced and sue for custody. If you sneak out from PR to WA, she can wreak havoc with everyone from police to the schools in WA when you go to enroll them, and your custody battle may go against you. Call/email a divorce lawyer.

You are making the assumption that your statements about her threats and actions will be taken as fact. They won't unless you involve gov't agencies who can prove them.

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2011, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

If you sneak out from PR to WA, she can wreak havoc with everyone from police to the schools in WA when you go to enroll them, and your custody battle may go against you.

You are missing a KEY point here. PR is not home WA is home. He and the kids are there because she is currently stationed there. But if WA state is home, then I believe he CAN return there to file for divorce.

J_9 · Mar 25, 2011, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Why POA over all 3 when you are married?

Because the wife is active duty in the military.

Anti_u · Mar 25, 2011, 04:00 PM

We have a home In Washington state, We got stationed here in Puerto Rico over the last 3 years, we live off base.
Yes the Boy wants to be with me and MOST of all in Washington State with his friends, it's his home it's what he knows and loves.

The POV deals with taking care of the kids and Medical stuff, Does it address travel? No not in any way

Anti_u · Mar 25, 2011, 04:12 PM

Why POA over all 3 when you are married?

You have to have a family plan and a POA is part of that plan when you are sent away from your family

joypulv · Mar 25, 2011, 04:36 PM

I guess I'm wrong about it looking bad for custody?
I wouldn't do it unless I had already hired a lawyer.

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2011, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I guess I'm wrong about it looking bad for custody?
I wouldn't do it unless I had already hired a lawyer.

In most cases you would probably be right, but not in this case. The issue in most cases is that the parent moving out of state would not have residency established. So they would have to wait to do so before filing. Because of the fairly unique circumstances here, it would not be an issue. But yes, it would be best to have an attorney in WA start the process before they RETURN home.