[LBP]

Why is it required to play bizarre social games with people in order to accomplish a relationship? Why is honesty and openness so actively shunned and even taboo? Is the trick to play the game until it becomes reaility?

[rol]

Ha good question, I never played any games until we broke up!!

[talaniman]

Many people love to play games and the trick is to recognise and stay away from them, and their games.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I think games, such as mind games are an indication of immaturity and the people who do it are easy to spot. Best advice is to stay away from those types of people like tal points out.

[Synnen]

I'm somewhat confused by the phrasing of this question.

Do you mean "games" as in someone telling you one thing and meaning another?

Or are you talking "social games" as in dating rituals?

[Capuchin]

Games are fun. That's why they're called games. And like all games, they cease to be fun when you lose.

[LBP]

But why bother with the games in the first place? If you like someone, why not tell them you like them - why the pretend lack of interest to show you're 'strong and independent,' such as actively waiting to return a phone call (for example) in order to show that it doesn't matter that much to have received it in the first place and thus prove how attractive you are.

I see these things happen all the time. Or people taking up contrary positions from a person their interested in just to seem, well, I don't even know what the word is.

It all seems very strange to me.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Maybe basic psychology plays a part but that does not mean games.

[Synnen]

That sounds like dating rituals to me, not "games"

No one wants to be hurt. Putting your feelings out there and having them rejected hurts!

Wanting to be with someone more than they want to be with you hurts too.

People who don't return phone calls right away, or don't tell you they like you because they like you are just trying to NOT seem desperate, and are just trying to protect themselves.

[momincali]

Many times, when people meet, they have a good time and they are off and running. Problem is, they run too fast, fall and everything breaks apart. The delay in returning a call may help to slow things down, not necessarily to show you have more power or are less anxious than the other person.

[valinors_sorrow]

Games and rituals were both very thoroughly explored by the Transactional Analysis people years ago ("Games People Play" was probably the most recognised book out of that camp and is now the most frequent guest on used bookstore shelves LOL). To a point they both serve a purpose. Rituals help to grease the social wheels. Games tend to be what people do in place of real intimacy for, as Synnen said, protection. Its when the whole enchilada becomes only those and no real intimacy is occurring that I think the OP was addressing.

I have noticed an ever increasing lack of emotional candidness in the American culture and its effecting everything, not just dating. It dismays me and I am not sure what to do about it beyond remaining my real and open self regardless of how uncomfortable that can make others (and it does sometimes LOL regardless on my intentions). Its fear driven, no doubt and Americans are indeed awakening out of a kind of cultural denial (which is good) into some real fear. But it may be some time before we learn how to deal with those fears more constructuvely. But we can't solve what we don't acknowledge and we've only just begun to aknowledge how afraid we are. Its progress that may look darker before the dawn, if you will. At least in the US -- I don't know where you live.

It may be necessary LBP for you to do a little sleuthing and dicipher where the emotionally open people hang out and resort to cultivating the interests that put you in contact with them. I know in my area, some of the (for lack of a better description LOL) aging hippy effects tend to produce more people like that -- health food stores, metaphysical shops, support groups etc but who knows for your area?

I thought that was a good question you asked and I hope this helps a little.

[Wildcat21]

A lot of them aren't games.

The key is to be busy doing other stuff - work, friends hobbies

Games start when one person is too infatuated with the other.

Totally Opening up with some one is great maybe a year down the road.

Why mortgage your sole to a stranger?

You should never put too much importance into someone early on. They could be leading you on until something 'they think' is better.

One thing people don't get -after three months - these people are still kind of strangers. I mean great friendship take years to make great.

Read all the free articles on this website to get a better insite:

Love Tactics - Love Tactics Home