[Broncofan0789]

Hi Everyone. I have been seeing someone off and on for 3 1/2 years. It started as friends with benefits only. We have kept in touch throughout these past years and see each other when we can. I finally asked him if he is ever going to get married and he said probably not. Sure doesn't want kids-made that very clear one day. I was married for over 23 and have been divorced for almost 4. He has never been married and has no children. My daughter is 18 now. He potentially can be a very caring and loving person. He is well educated, polite,well dressed. What a façade he can put on... We had a serious talk last night and he told me that it might have something to do with his mother dying at the age of 3. I know how it feels to have a parent die at a young age because my father died when I was eleven. I asked him if he was afraid to love due to that. He sounds very confused and this morning I apologized for getting in too "deep" into his business. What psychological affect would his mother passing have on him??

[summer_girl]

I think what he's referring to is abandonment issues, where somebody won't attach and love because they fear being abandoned, and hurt by that loss of love.

I do believe that we should listen to people when they say they don't want a commitment. If he said yes he did want one, you'd believe it. You should believe it just as sincerely if he says he doesn't want one. If you require marriage, then you really need to know if somebody never intends to marry so you don't waste your time. If an exclusive relationship without a formal marriage is enough for you, though, then you should see if he is interested in that.

[Cat1864]

People react to the death of a parent (or other significant person in their life) in different ways. Some people search for someone to fill the void. Some people are afraid of letting another person into the void for fear that person will leave and make the void seem bigger and deeper.

There are a lot of factors that go into which way the person goes. Age, support of the surviving friends and family, other life changing events such as other deaths, the parent remarrying and possibly divorcing, moving a lot at an early age, bad relationships, etc. all add up over the years. Only he can tell you more about his background that would shed light on his feelings about marriage. If he is willing to talk, listen. If not, then you either accept the relationship continuing at the current pace or you let it go and heal before moving on to the next relationship.

I am wondering what you are wanting. In November, you broke up with a man you were 'deeply in love with' after eight months of living together and immediately contacted this gentleman (unless you have another FWB.) Have you given yourself time to heal or are you sliding from one relationship into another one? From your posts you got involved with this person almost immediately after getting divorced from your husband. It may have been 'just for sex', but it was a type of relationship. What are you looking for?

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[talaniman]

It doesn't matter what events have shaped this fellow because he has told you over, and over what he is about, what he will, and won't do.

Apparently you must not be listening very well. After reading your other posts though, you should be paying more attention to what makes you do what you are doing, because that's the issue you will have to deal with. Start with your choice in men, and how quickly you seem to latch onto them. Ask yourself why you just have to have a guy, any guy it seems, no matter what there issues are and if they are in it to win it or not. So far, none of them have, and have told you so in words and actions and still you allow yourself to become attached. WHY??