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sam1935 · Mar 21, 2011, 12:17 AM

Hi, my 3 year old son told me that his 9 year old step sis was massing with his penis. I don't want to started trouble with her mama, but I want to know why she did that to my son and to make sure that she don't do it amy more. And to know how she new what she was doing could some one have made he do this or could she have seen some one doing it to make her want to do that to my son ? Is this sexual abuse ? What do I need to do ?

ScottGem · Mar 21, 2011, 03:43 AM

First, this is probably just a matter of natural curiosity. Kids play "doctor". Its been going on for ages. So what needs to be done is you need to talk to both children (separately) about inappropriate touching. You can find books in the library that will tell you what to say and how to handle it.

The important thing is to not make the child feel that they have been bad, just that it is something they shouldn't do.

JudyKayTee · Mar 21, 2011, 11:55 AM

I am going to somewhat disagree with my colleague, Scott.

The children are 9 and 3 - this alone would concern me.

Maybe it's playing Doctor. Maybe it's something else. I would address it without making either child feel guilty - but I would address it.

mulattomama · Mar 23, 2011, 10:54 AM

I agree with JudyKeyTee. You definitely need to talk to them both about it. I would do it more calmly and casually so that they will be more open with you. Kids play doctor and are curious, but there could be more to it and it's scary because of the age difference between the kids too. It's not like they're peers and are looking at or touching eachother's bodies, this is an older child touching a younger one. I wouldn't tell the step-daughter's mom just yet until I'd had a chance to figure out what was going on so I would talk to the kids separately and casually first. Good luck!

jenniepepsi · Mar 23, 2011, 11:46 AM

Definitely talk about it!! I have known developmentally disabled children at age 9 or 10, functioning at a 5 year old level and it being natural curiosity.
But 9 or 10 years old, without developmental issues, KNOW better, and know what it is and it is a red flag for the older child possibly being abused.

Keep it casual, speak to the kids, and speak to the other child's parents.

Not wanting to cause trouble is the BIGGEST mistake parents can make in a situation like this