[prt]

I met my current boyfriend at match.com 19 months ago and I must say that we hit it off right from the beginning. The advantage with this dating system is that you know you are meeting somebody who has your same intentions and you don't have to keep wondering whether they are interested in you or not. The disadvntage is that sometimes we think that because you met in such a way you are meant for each other and, unfortunately, it is not always the case( I am going through a relationship crisis right now and this is one of the topics we have discussed). So I would recommend you to have fun and enjoy, be yourself as she must have read your profile and knows what you want+do, etc. But keep in mind that it is only a first date and it will work exactly as any other date you had. GOod luck and keep us informed!x

[Allheart]

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

[PatBateman]

Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

I was going to just sit back and wait for her to thank me... haha... no but seriously, I wasn't going to contact her again until she contacted me.

But since you guys urge me to do so, I'll give her a quick instant message tonight or tomorrow just to see if she got home OK, etc... she drove an hour to meet me.

I'm just trying my best to take the OPPOSITE approach as I have before with girls. I'm all about having fun now, and not really caring about what she thinks or what I'm supposed to do. I'm just so glad that Match.com worked for me and I think that I'll be able to meet many women through that site and improve my social skills since I didn't have a chance to because I was in LT relationship.

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again... maybe next weekend or something. Don't know if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.

[Allheart]

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again...maybe next weekend or something. Dunno if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.

You dawg!! Already have another one on the fishing line huh?? I can not be supporting this... can I?? LOL. Just kiddn.

Just my opinion here, but it would be nice to check to see if she got home okay. That would be very nice. I understand that you want to do this opposite thing (did you ever see the Sienfeld episode where George did everything opposite with the girls, he actaully made out quite well, but keep in mind that is TV.

All joking aside, the one thing you don't want to loose of yourself, is the caring about others feelings side of you. It is okay to care if she got home okay and express that. You don't want to go to far to the other side either. You don't want to become cold and indifferent. Reaching a nice middle ground would be good and retain who you are in the process.

Enjoy this time!! Show the ladies (had to use plural since there's another one this weekend LOL ) respect, and finally, this is very important... please... keep their names straight!! :) Issue nametags if you must... (just kiddn) Relax you are doing great. Really sounds like she enjoyed herself. Good for you.

[talaniman]

I'll be doggone what have we created?? Player, player, Mac Daddy. All kidding aside, Go slow and be real... your REAL self and have bunch of fun. Always remember dating is about FUN and laughng, oh Gosh, I hope I can wait till next week.

[Allheart]

LOL, that's right Tal, I'll be doggone as well, did AMHD creat a real DAWG? Yeh, Pat Macdaddy at your service. Just kiddn Pat. That's what I was trying to say, just couldn't find the words, but Tal did...

Be your REAL self and enjoy!!

[PatBateman]

Haha thanks everyone! Well, I wouldn't be doing so well now without the support of this community. Lots of good advice here!!

I did tell her to give me a text when she got home if she wanted but I didn't get one so I figured she got home all right. Maybe I'll give her an IM tomorrow and ask just to be courteous like you all suggested.

[PatBateman]

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had a lot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall... lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes... so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been weird in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice... lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on... lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been weird anyway.

I wish we went skating... that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

[RubyPitbull]

Sounds like you had a nice date and no, I don't think you should have been more aggressive. What happened was meant to happen the way it did. Instead of driving yourself crazy with the "what ifs", give her a call or e-mail her this week, tell you had a nice time today and ask her out again. If she goes out with you again, then no worries. Right?

[J_9]

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend,

Pat you have only been "seeing" her twice. Chill out and relax.

The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

Sounds great. Take it SLOW!!

Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

Good, you don't want to move too fast.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her.

Did you not learn from the last experience? You want to get physical? TAKE IT SLOW!!

It was purely a "hanging out" type date

Please tell me, what is wrong with that? NOTHING!! Women like to hang out.

I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever

She is smart and taking it slow. What is the rush?

at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...

You are kidding right? You have only seen her in person 2 times!!

I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

You should be, you could have scared her off. Jeez, let her get to know you first!!

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

No, you did just the right thing. Respect her as a woman, not as a piece of . The time will come if it is right, do not push it or you will be right back to square one where you were with the last gal.

Have you taken time to work on yourself? Have you really looked deeply?

[PatBateman]

Well I just don't want to make her think that I'm not into her. I like her, and I'm still getting to know her but I want her to know this too. I just don't want her to think I'm asexual or something... lol.

[RubyPitbull]

Pat, if you are asking her out, believe me, she won't think you are asexual. Take your cues from her. It sounds like you handled yourself perfectly for the kind of date you had today.

Ms Ruby is curious, what make you think women want to be pawed so quickly?

[J_9]

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

[PatBateman]

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it? Like, falling into the "friend zone" where the woman likes you, but she doesn't LIKE you like you, you know?

But yeah, the situation today simply didn't call for any touchy feely stuff. It would have been awkward if I had tried anything.

[RubyPitbull]

You are not at the point of falling into the "friend" zone yet. No where near that. And, believe it or not, the best matches are people who become not only mates but best friends as well.

I started reading some of your earlier postings and got a better grasp on your situation.

Take your cues from her. She will let you know when she wants more. You made a comment in an earlier post about how she was a little surprised by your hug on the first date. That tells me she is trying to take this slow to get to know you better. Play it cool boy. This girl sounds like she wants to get to know you better before any heavy contact.

[Skell]

Hey Pat.

Good to see your back and it sounds as though your going all right.

Just remember to take it slow. You are thinking way too much again. Remember the last girl??

You rushed and flew into something you weren't ready for. Went way too fast after everyone told you you weren't ready and it crashed and burned.

Learn from your past mistakes and just take it slow. You'll get your hugs and kisses when the time is right. For goodness sake you have only seen her twice.

What do you want? Passionate kisses in the street?

Don't worry yourself so much. When you think too much you just get clingy and needy and come off as desperate!

[J_9]

Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it?

Quite the opposite in the beginning.

Like, falling into the "friend zone"

You have not even gotten there yet.

but she doesn't LIKE you like you, ya know?

You haven't even gotten that far yet.

Pat, take it SLOW. How many times have we ALL told you that.

I prefer to fall in love with a friend. I like to share my life with my friend.

You have only seen her in person 2 times for cripes sakes. Chill out. Take it slow.

[talaniman]

Hi Pat, As you know the way to mess everything up is too rush through something and not read the signals along the way. If you start to look toward your own agenda I guarantee you will miss the subtle hints that can guide you to this females heart. Slow down and pay attention and be a gentleman.

[PatBateman]

It's just so hard when all my guy friends are telling me to put the moves on her, etc.

Yeah, I know what happened last time with my little rebound mistake but I'm not looking for that now. I'm just trying to catch up a bit and act like a normal 23 year old would act on a date. I don't want to be a high school boy, know what I mean? My buddies (who all hook up with a diff girl every weekend) tell me that I've got to be more aggressive. Like, hold her from behind when we're waiting for the subway, or take her hand when we cross the street or something. We're not talking making out in the street.. just little/subtle actions of sexuality.

I don't know.. what do you guys think of that?

[JoeCanada76]

Pat,

My wife and I, became very good friends first. We took our time getting to know each other and we really became each others best friends. We took it nice and slow. We became soulmates. Now if I was aggressive with her and did not take my time to get to know her, she would think that I am like all the other men, who only want one thing and that would have pushed her away and I would not have a beautiful wife, now a beautiful child.

So yes, I think it is better to become friends first and I think that those who do take the time to become really close friends first makes for a nice long companionship.

Good luck and RELAX AND CALM DOWN. Go with the flow.

Joe