[muffin55]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years almost a year ago. Shortly after that I rushed into a relationship that was not good for me, with a lot of emotional upset. I broke that off 3 months ago. I am seeing a therapist. I am having good days and bad days. Heck, good weeks and bad ones. Last week was really good. This week is really bad. Emotional triggers, finding out boyfriend from 7 years is seeing someone new. I am crying a lot and feeling deep heartache from everything I put myself through this past year, having not 1 but 2 relationships to get past. Why did I do that to myself? I am angry at myself for staying too long with the 7 year boyfriend and angry at myself for moving way too fast with the 2nd boyfriend who was not good for me. I am triggered just by the location in town, going near his house, or past his old apartment. I want to move away but can't due to my job. I feel "trapped" by his location.
I am tired of feeling sad. But then again this is a bad week. I get a deep, dark feeling in my stomach like an empty, messy pit when this goes through my mind.

[talaniman]

Look forward, not back, and stay out of relationships until you have built a life that you enjoy without depending on any one to make you happy. That's your responsibility.

Embrace it, and do it.

[ninoo]

U are moving too fast!hang in there! If it was your fault I suggest go to your 7 yr boyfriend!

[jemmashemma]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Every relationship that ends does so for a reason. We tend to have a habit of putting our ex's up on a pedestal only remembering the good about them, which is great, but only if you have somehow remained as friends. 7 years is a long time, I do appreciate that, however regardless of the length/depth/intensity of the relationship you had, if it didn't work, you have to come to terms with it.

I know that sounds corny, trust me I know the pain you are contending with as I currently have a situation of my own not too dissimilar, and its like a scab, you know you shouldn't pick at it because the more you do the deeper it will scar, you need to let it heal, but you can't stop yourself.

Try what I'm doing, whenever I have a moment (which tends to be every 3 seconds) when I start to think of what was/have reminders of him through smell/song/place... I allow myself to think about it for 1 minute, and I time myself! I allow the pain to rush in and let my mind swirl all my thoughts around like a big washing machine full of pain/anger/rejection/loneliness/fear but once the minute is up, that's it! I won't allow myself to waste any more than a minute of my day thinking about it. If I have my minute and then a song comes on the radio that reminds me of him, I think "no jemma, he had his minute, i have other things to think about" and I let it go... this sounds airy fairy and is tough at first but once you get into it it really helps. You are allowing yourself to acknowledge the feelings and thoughts but for only so long! Another is to get a balloon, and when you feel full of all these emotions like your going to pop, blow them all into a balloon, until every last breath has left your lungs, really imagine them leaving your body into the balloon, and then either let it go around the room and deflate (which always makes me giggle) or let it float off into the sky away from you... do this as often as necessary! Although I do appreciate it isn't always the time or the place!

Another biggie I would advise is find someone else who is also going through a heartache (me for example!) buddy up, swap stories, give eachothers point of view. When you are advising someone else on a similar situation it really helps because you start to become a true advocate of what you are preaching to them for them to heal and it helps you heal too!

I would be more than happy if you want my email address?

[muffin55]

THANK you for your heart felt help. I met some roommates tonight, I'm moving into a new apartment soon... but the coffee shop we met at was within WALKING distance to his house, I wish he lived in another state. I wish him the best but I wish there was more distance, would make it easier. So I didn't even eat dinner, I got wine and ice cream for dinner. Just makes me depressed and apathetic. I know it will get better. And I know this is my territory even though he resides nearby. Maybe at some point, in a year or so, I can ask how he is doing. I would like to exchange emails, I think it could be helpful, thank you so much!

[amicon]

I think you take it one day at the time,and allow yourself to have whatever feelings you have when they pop up.

But keep busy,do things that cheer you up and be good to yourself.

I'd stay off the vino when you're feeling low-alcohol's a depressant.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

[adro_is_hurting]

I'm sorry your going through this. 7 yrs is a long time and you developed a deep connection with your ex, and that connection is gone after the break up. Its scary because its been 7 yrs since you felt anything else except that connection. Its natural to try to fill that void, a lot of people have rebound relationships. I'm going through something very similar to your story.

I was with a girl for over 3 yrs, she dumps me because she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, she wanted to do her. I was devastated, I hated feeling alone. I had such a strong connection with her, it felt so weird and lonely not having that feeling of someone in my life. I rushed into another relationship. My new girl was great, she really liked me and showed me that every chance she got. Problem was though, I wasn't over my ex. I didn't give the new girl what she deserved, and I ended up doing her dirty. I wasn't ready for a relationship, I still needed time to heal.

Jemma gave you a lot of great advice. You're going to think about your ex, its natural. You were with him for a long time, so of course there's going to be feelings. Real talk, those feelings will probably never go away. But you have to move on, like jemma said, it didn't work for a reason. I would suggest go no contact. Getting those updates on what he's doing/who he's seeing is only going to hurt you more. What you don't know won't hurt you. And why would you want to know anyway except to hurt yourself??

Focus this time on you. You need to heal and better yourself. Come back on this site whenever you want to vent or ask something else. This site really helped/helps me get through my drama. You need an outlet to help you get through this. Do something you like doing when you are going through those bad days. I played basketball and picked up a new hobby, writing. Those bad days are going to happen, how you get through them is important. You're heading in the right direction, you'll make it through this. We all have/are. Keep your head up homie