[ConfusedDriver]

My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married 5 1/2. In the last year and a bit our marriage has fallen apart. Also my wife has been going through the menopause. It got to the stage that I was moving out and at the last minute she changed her mind. Now she says it is over and that she is not "in love" with me. Things came to a head and we argued and I told her to F off and leave me alone, which she took literally. Now she is spending several days a week at another mans house and is sleeping with him. She says that it is nothing sexual as he is unable to perform due to an accident. She says that she does not want a divorce, but when she is at home she does not want anything to do with me. With me working nights she gets to sleep in our bed on a night but gets up before I get in it. We also work together 2 nights a week and when we get home she insists on sleeping in her daughters bed. I am at my wits end as to what is going on with her. Can anyone shed some light on what is going wrong and if there is anything I can do about it?

[summer_girl]

She doesn't want an intimate relationship with you, but she isn't willing to divorce, presumably because she still wants the use of your income. It's up to you to decide if this situation is something you'd still like to participate in. You can file for divorce if you so decide. But I don't think you can get her to love you again if she has decided that she does not love you. It's also up to you to decide if you believe her story about there being nothing going on with the other man.

[DoulaLC]

It doesn't matter whether this man can "perform" or not, she is sleeping with him! You can still be intimate without an erect penis.

It sounds as though she wants to keep you as a roommate, as summer_girl said... help with the bills, help take care of things around the house, etc. but wants to lead her own life as well. There can be no other explanation for why she wouldn't want a divorce. She says she doesn't love you, sleeps with another man, and avoids you when you are together. That is not the kind of marriage most people want to have.

You have three options:

1) See if she will go to counseling with you to try and rebuild the marriage.

2) If she refuses to go, continue as things are and deal with it the best that you can.

3) If she refuses to go, and isn't willing to change, get a divorce so that you will be free to rebuild your life on your own terms.

All three are difficult and will take time to work through. I am sorry you are going through this and wish you well.

[talaniman]

After her actions, I would get her out of my life, and keep her out and wouldn't care what she wants or don't want.

Only a psychiatrist could POSSIBLY change my mind.

[answerme_tender]

She is sleeping with another man--Hello wake up! So she says he cannot perform sexually, but that her telling you what you want to hear.

My question is why you are still allowing her to get away with this behavior. Listen, just because a woman is going through menapause doesn't excuse her cheating on you. You need step up and contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are.

Take care