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    understanding22's Avatar
    understanding22 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 8, 2011, 08:18 PM
    Please give me advice.
    I have moved to a new town, and I have never been really good with making friends. I started going to my new college and I talked with some people. I have hung out with maybe 2 or 3, one that I talk to through texting. The others ones... I think maybe I scared them off. Only one was a girl.

    I have been here two months, moved with my family, my dad tells me, That I have to give it time, and in about six months I will have a good social life. I in my old town, I left behind some good friends that I still keep in contact with all the time, through Facebook, texting, calling, and so on. They are a small group. Which doesn't bother me because they are true.

    But bad thing is that it took me a long time to become good friends with them. My best friend I have been friends with for about 4 years, give or take some. But that is the longest friendship I have had. I used to be unstable mental, I was shipped off to boarding school for about a year, with no contact at to the outside world. I come back and was not used to social situations that I forced myself down everyone's throat, as I said no social contact so I needed some.

    The place I was in kind of messed up the way I thought about the world, and yes it made me stable mental, and helped me figure out a lot of my issues, it took away social exprinces that help people grow, and I knew I had missed them so I thought I could force those situations to happen so I could gain them, and that is how I forced many people away.

    I still do this once in awile, old habits die hard. I moved about 2 months after I come out of boarding school. And now up here, I can talk to almost anyone, I am one of those people that If I can I will start a converstaion, the thing is a lot of the times I don't know how to keep them going. I would like to have a better social life, and hangout with people.

    I invited one girl some were gave her my number and she said she would text me. She didn't and then a week later I saw her at school, We talked and I understood her, because it was not a big deal, and told her I went anyway, and that I am going -told her date- and she said OK, and then we talked and another person I wanted to talk to come up and I said I will see you in class. And we talked in class.

    So with this background knowledge I would like to hear about how you think I can improve my social skills, or how I could start more conversations. I also do not have the greatest self esteem, and have a werid sense of humor and tend to joke a lot, and they don't really make sense to most people, I am also one of those people that you have to get to know to understand. Also I don't think I have any friends and that no one likes me... stupied I know but I do. :/

    Also I would like to add, that I feel as though I can't improve my social life at school, because I have already acted one way, and people will not see me any differntly, to be honest I am scared of rejection so I don't say many things to people, because I don't know how to talk to them, even though I really like to talk and have friends.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Mar 8, 2011, 09:22 PM

    Relax guy, you are not the first to find yourself in awkward new situations and feel lost, and isolated to some extent. It takes years to build a life that you enjoy that makes you happy with friends, and activities to look forward to. It's a long PROCESS. Start slow with paying attention to others, and finding clubs, or organizations that hold your interest, and join.

    Having something in common is a great way to make friends, and the more things you do, and join, and volunteer for, the more people you met.

    Try it, and have fun.
    Franki_Kaos's Avatar
    Franki_Kaos Posts: 3, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Apr 4, 2011, 02:52 PM
    Feeling awkward in social situations is something a lot of people go through so don't think you're alone!
    I understand that you may feel that making friends at school will be hard considering your past behaviour but if the people you talk to aren't willing to be open-minded and give you a chance to show that you've changed then they aren't worth bothering with.
    I think Talaniman's suggestion of finding clubs etc that you're interested in is a really good way to start because you will instantly find common ground with the other people there and you can use that to help build on your confidence and in turn build on your social skills.

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