[jemmashemma]

Threads merged

I (age 25) met a guy (age 24) 7 months ago during a 8 hour layover at an international airport we got on like a house on fire, turned out we were both from australia and got chinese food, played cards etc, said goodbye when it was time to board the big flight to london and then guess what, turns out we were sat in the seats next to each other! We ended up kissing on the plane, swapped names for Facebook and said goodbye. He was travelling europe and I was going home to see family. We kept in touch now and again through Facebook and then in feb of this year I found out he was back in the country and I was visiting his home town for a friends birthday. 6 weeks leading up to my trip down we talked every day by texts, phone and video chat, it got really intense and we felt like we were falling for each other we talked of future plans and everything and he even joked about calling me mrs(his surname). I arrived down and spent 6 days with him, it was great, I met his whole family, his friends, went to the movies, he went clothes shopping and wanted my advice, we were like a real couple. When I left for the flight home we talked and agreed committing to exclusive long distance would be too hard but as I was moving to same town in 5 months and we cared about each other we would keep in touch same as usual.

However, when I returned home he went completely cold. No texts, no calls, nothing but if I contact him he will reply. I asked him what was going on has he played me? And he said it isn't like that, he wants all that future stuff but when he has the chance of having it with someone like me he doesn't know what happens to him and its nothing to do with me, I'm the best, its just him but the said lets just take it easy and see what happens when I move down.

Over past few days he has started putting comments on my Facebook photos and status's, just jokey lighthearted things and using pet names for me. I have initiated contact with him over Facebook chat twice and he has responded instantly and the conversations have been free flowing banter etc nothing heavy. I advised him that I have been offered a job in his home town to start in a month and that I'm going to take it. He is really happy for me and seems concerned asking things like, what date you down, where you going to stay etc and again using pet names and tacking the micky out of me in a warm hearted way.

But as I say, he never initiates the contact but will always respond if I do. Is he over it all and am I just clinging on hopelessley. I sit there watching my phone all day but nothing :(

[jemmashemma]

I (age 25) met a guy (age 24) 7 months ago during a 8 hour layover at an international airport we got on like a house on fire, turned out we were both from australia and got chinese food, played cards etc, said goodbye when it was time to board the big flight to london and then guess what, turns out we were sat in the seats next to each other! We ended up kissing on the plane, swapped names for Facebook and said goodbye. He was travelling europe and I was going home to see family. We kept in touch now and again through Facebook and then in feb of this year I found out he was back in the country and I was visiting his home town for a friends birthday. 6 weeks leading up to my trip down we talked every day by texts, phone and video chat, it got really intense and we felt like we were falling for each other we talked of future plans and everything and he even joked about calling me mrs(his surname). I arrived down and spent 6 days with him, it was great, I met his whole family, his friends, went to the movies, he went clothes shopping and wanted my advice, we were like a real couple. When I left for the flight home we talked and agreed committing to exclusive long distance would be too hard but as I was moving to same town in 5 months and we cared about each other we would keep in touch same as usual.

However, when I returned home he went completely cold. No texts, no calls, nothing but if I contact him he will reply. I asked him what was going on has he played me? And he said it isn't like that, he wants all that future stuff but when he has the chance of having it with someone like me he doesn't know what happens to him and its nothing to do with me, I'm the best, its just him but the said lets just take it easy and see what happens when I move down.

Over past few days he has started putting comments on my Facebook photos and status's, just jokey lighthearted things and using pet names for me. I have initiated contact with him over Facebook chat twice and he has responded instantly and the conversations have been free flowing banter etc nothing heavy. I advised him that I have been offered a job in his home town to start in a month and that I'm going to take it. He is really happy for me and seems concerned asking things like, what date you down, where you going to stay etc and again using pet names and tacking the micky out of me in a warm hearted way.

But as I say, he never initiates the contact but will always respond if I do. Is he over it all and am I just clinging on hopelessley. I sit there watching my phone all day but nothing :(

[Wondergirl]

By his never initiating contact, I'm thinking he's just not that into you any longer. Are you sure you want to move to his hometown for this new job? Do you hope that maybe, just maybe, living nearby will reignite the feelings he used to have for you?

[southamerica]

He sounds like a confused romantic type of guy. Probably immature and doesn't really know what he wants.

I think my best advice for you would be to take opportunities in life are best for YOU, whether it's a job in his town or elsewhere, and live life happily. Don't be cold to him but don't put in more effort than he. One of our experts here has a quote in his signature that says "Don't make anyone a priority in your life while allowing yourself to be an option in theirs". Take it from me: living by that philosophy will save you from lots of heartache, and will allow you to live to your FULL capacity. I learned that the hard way!

[adviceishere]

Maybe he's frightened by the whole thing, how well you clicked, how fast you made future plans together and how fast he's falling for you, its probably scaring the **** out of him. He probably thinks this is too good to be true and reckons it will be over as quick as it started and he's holding back so not to get hurt if you get bored or find someone else. Just ask him why he doesn't contact you first and tell him you would like him to try more and that you are serious when you say you want things to work.

[Jake2008]

When you consider how fast and intense the fireworks happened, not to mention the coincidences, I think it may be too much, too soon.

Him holding back is what I think it is, just like he said.

And, I think it's a good thing that the two of you cool your jets, and not have any assumptions about anything long term, until you know it is a real possibility.

You won't know that, until you actually do move, and you are within talking face-to-face distance so to speak.

To read too much into a relationship that has not yet had a chance to be a firm friendship first, is putting too much pressure on him, and you are unrealistically expecting the relationship to be cemented I think, once you move. Just my opinion of course.

I suggest that you ease up on the texting and communicating via Facebook, and allow him what he obviously needs, and not unrealistically, and that is time. Allow the natural flow of the relationship while considering that he likely has cold feet, and wants to be more sure of everything before he makes a solid commitment. And that won't happen overnight.

I think he is doing the right thing, and realizes that neither of you will know what will happen, or what could happen, based on what you know about each other so far.

Good luck.

[southamerica]

maybe he's frightened by the whole thing, how well you clicked, how fast you made future plans together and how fast he's falling for you, its probably scaring the **** out of him. he probably thinks this is too good to be true and reckons it will be over as quick as it started and he's holding back so not to get hurt if you get bored or find someone else. just ask him why he doesnt contact you first and tell him you would like him to try more and that you are serious when you say you want things to work.

You and Jake are probably right about this, but I couldn't give you a greenie apparently because I give you too many :(

At any rate, OP shouldn't allow any indecisiveness or cold feet on his end get in the way of her career or decisions. If he decides he wants her, he will make that clear!

[summer_girl]

I think you're more invested here than he is, but I think e-relationships are harder for men to keep up with. If you can end up spending more time together after you move, you'll know for sure. I hope your wish comes true!

[talaniman]

I think he is not as carried away by the intensity of his feelings the way you are with yours, and for sure you better slow down a whole lot, and be a lot more pragmatic with this guy for a while, as you see how things go.

What's the hurry? No need to rush, just enjoy getting to know each other, and slow your roll down.

[adviceishere]

You and Jake are probably right about this, but I couldn't give you a greenie apparently because I give you too many :(

At any rate, OP shouldn't allow any indecisiveness or cold feet on his end get in the way of her career or decisions. If he decides he wants her, he will make that clear!

Haha I couldn't give you a greenie either! Yes your very right she should not base her future around him,:(

[friend4u178]

I would suggest not initiating contact for a while , he may have just gotten used to the fact that you will start the contact all the time. If he's really interested he'll wonder after a while why you haven't and contact you.

Give it a try , not only will it give you an idea about his level of interest , it will also show him your not some clingy person who is willing to do all the work.

Good Luck :)

[jemmashemma]

Hi Everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my question and offer your opinions.

Just wanted to give you a quick update on how I am feeling...

After a good long think, and a chat with a good girlfriend, I have decided to just use this year to focus on me. Rediscover who I am as a single person (as came out of 3 yr relationship 3 months ago), enjoy some time alone (as fingers crossed I won't be alone forever and should make the most of it now!) do things for me, have my trips with the girls, take my new job in perth (as it was my original plan before reconnecting with tom) and move my life down there, clear some of my debts (credit card, dental bill etc), get my driving test passed(!) and get on these champix and stop smoking. Im going to totally focus on me me me! I don't want to have someone in my life to improve it or make it better in some way, I want them to be an good addition to MY great life when I'm ready and willing to share it!

As for the man in question, well, all his mates are all getting married, settling down and aren't going out so much etc and he is working away on the mines 3 weeks on 1 week off and I know down the line he will probably regret giving up someone who gets on with his family so well, who was willing to commit even with him working away, who is a nice person and well liked and caring etc! But sadly for him, I reckon by the time he realises all that it will be too late and I will have moved on. I wasn't actively looking for a relationship, but me and him just click, always have done and if he is going to let it and me go, then I'm afraid it's his loss.

I will continue to not initiate contact with him, for myself if anything... no point it being on this emotional rollercoaster anymore.

And I am a big believer in, If it's meant to be then down the line it will, but right now it's not the time, and I would be probably setting myself up for a fall and possibly get hurt, even if he didn't mean to hurt me, and I'm not prepared to put myself in that situation. He is not a bad person, he has a really good heart, so I know later down the line we will be at least friends as we get on great.

This is MY year! Reserved solely for me! I need it! I owe it to myself! Once you have hit rock bottom you can only go up right?. time to focus on making this year the best yet.

Thanks once again, it is much apprecaited

[jemmashemma]

Threads have been merged

I met a guy last year in an airport he was going one way for 6 months I was going the other but we seriously clicked so swapped names and kept in touch via Facebook as friends, and occasionally joked about going on a date when we were both back in oz.

About 6 weeks prior to meeting for our date we ended up having this ridiculous intense long distance (im up the top of oz he's down the bottom) whirlwind romance to the point where we would tell each other if we sneezed. It was INTENSE! He wanted a future with me, I was the one yadda yadda.

Then the time came, we met, it was a great 5 days, met all his family, great sex, great fun, really relaxed around each other. We chat about continuing the LDR as I'm not due to move to his city with work for 5 months, we agreed to cool it off a bit (more his decision than mine) I fly back, then that's it, no contact from him whatsoever!! From 71631157 texts and calls a day to zilch! But if I initated he would reply.

I ended up confronting him, he said it wasn't me, I was the best and he wants all the future stuff but when he has the chance of having it with someone like me he oesnt know what happens to him... GUTTED, HEARTBROKEN, ANGRY... you name it, I felt it.

I left it 2 weeks, I would only hear from him if I initiated the contact. So I stupidly took the friend route, told him, yeah I can handle it bla bla, and that was great, talked loads more online etc, he flirted loads, showed signs of jealousy, talked about going out when I was next in town bla bla... then I cracked and sent him this by email...

"hey mr,

Im gunna get straight to the point with this message. I know I said the other night that we could be friends and i could handle it, but I can't tom. I am kidding myself that I can just be friends with you because I feel more for you than that, and pretending to just be your friend is only gunna result in me getting hurt and leading you on.

in no way is this message meant to be a guilt trip on you or be some kind of ultimatum. I just want to be honest and not play games, it's too hard for me, i'm sorry. I have deleted your numbers off my phone because ill only end up messaging you at some point and torturing myself over and over. Its got to the stage where I have to stop kidding myself and in a way be cruel to myself to be kind in the long run.

Take care of yourself ok"

That was yesterday... he never replied. MORTIFIED

I need to let this go don't I?? I am stupid holding on to false hopes?? Crying at every turn like the mayor of loserville. Somebody slap me round the face and give it to me straight please

[amicon]

Yes,time to let this go,it seems it was all smoke and no fire.

As for him not replying,there's your answer-he has nothing to say.

And,you never really knew this guy-it takes time to get to know a person,I think you both got carried away and there was no substance behind it all.

Go 100% no contact,no more e-mailing and no checking out FB etc.

Take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

[jemmashemma]

Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to help a silly girl who should know better! You talk good solid sense! I think the reason I am so confused is beacused when we chatted a couple of nights ago he sent me a text saying "how's the home life, your ex hasnt touched you has he??" (my last relationship was unfortunately a violent one) and also commented a Facebook status of mine in which I was getting frustrated at trying to learn to parallel park and he stated "you can do it jem jem, i know you can" both of which I took as him 'caring'...

But I know I'm clutching at straws. I know I'm a good person, I'm bright (sometimes!), I am witty, successful, caring, friendly, not a horror to look at, and I just need to dust myself off and put it down to experience, I KNOW that! My brain is screaming at me! But my heart just wants to eat ice cream and cry

I just keep telling myself 2 things over and over:

1. everything happens for a reason
2. once you've hit rock bottom the only way is up

Thanks x

[adviceishere]

Aw that's the worst things about email address', they're so easy to remember! You can deleted all the numbers etc put you will always know the email address!

Well I do remember your other posts regarding this fella. Your still torchering yourself! You need to let it go woman, he's making an *** out of you, how dare you let someone make you look a fool! Don't do this to yourself, your number one, so treat yourself as number one, don't let no one make you feel bad about yourself, and never go chasing wimpy men like this,

He's not worth being spit on if he was on fire, just like he thinks your not worth a reply! No contact! Your feeding his ego!

[southamerica]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to adviceishere again.

The fact is: this guy isn't worth your time. adviceishere said it perfectly, how dare you let someone make you feel like a fool?

You're eating these crumbs that he's dropping on the floor. YOU ROCK, and you deserve to FEAST on love. This guy isn't worth that, and so you take your awesomeness (and appetite) elsewhere. The right guy is waiting for you to show up, and when you find him he will never ever make you question his feelings.

[jemmashemma]

Hello again! Yes still torturing myself and being ridiculous against my better judgement. I am really going to try to move forward now... I have to before Im carted off to the loony bin! I'm so angry at him right now and being angry feels good as it doesn't hurt as much so I will keep reading your answer over and over and get all like 'girl powered up'!

Thank you

[jemmashemma]

"ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to adviceishere again."?. Im new!

THANK YOU! I neeeeeed all this kick a** talk to give me a boost and just reading your replies is filling me full of, "GO TO HE*L" and "SCREW YOU AND YOUR SILLY SMALL PANTS THAT YOU ACTUALLY GO TO THE BEACH IN"

Yeeeeeeeeahhhhh! Woo!

Lol... *put the glass of wine down jemma!*

Thank youuuu x

[southamerica]

The error was just me letting "adviceishere" know that I tried to give her a "thumbs up"-no worries it wasn't directed at you!

You're welcome! You definitely need to remember that you're the bada** and he's a jerk. Move along! Good luck jemma!