[S0ph13]

He pushed me of the bed really hard, and left me there crying, as he kept yelling at me and calling me nasty names. Earlier that day When I was at work he went through my old msn convos since before I even knew him. He also went through all my folders and files, and I'm left feeling like I have no privacy. Yet I still love him help!

[talaniman]

Love yourself first and leave quickly, as if he can't talk, rather than act like a lunatic, then he is dangerous.

Get out and be safe, and can you share what ticked him off? Its no excuse for his behavior though.

How old are you both, and how long have you been together?

[redhed35]

He pushed you he looked through your stuff he's aggressive, that's not love from him, wheres respect? talking? honesty? Not harming you?

I'm sure you love him for some reasons. However his behaviour is not acceptable for anyone, if you don't do something about it, the situation will get worse and you will get really hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally... it will take you a long time to get over it.

So don't let it continue, pack your bags and go.

Don't listen to anything he has to say... protect yourself.

[southamerica]

I know that you feel like you love him, and maybe you feel like you want to help him become a better person-but this aggression towards you is already setting a precedent and if you allow contact between the two of you to continue the aggression will not stop. I've seen it with too many of my friends, acquaintances, and strangers. What makes them love the guy who's hurting them and controlling them is a mystery to me--but you deserve SO MUCH better.

There is never an excuse for violence-it doesn't matter what you did to provoke him. Please, please understand that you must protect yourself and walk away, now. He might try to sweet talk you and make you think that he'll change-but I have yet to see an aggressive guy live up to those promises. So just walk away, quickly, and don't look back. Let us know if you need anything.

[S0ph13]

I'm 19 his 23 it's over the fact that an ex boyfriend from 12 months back. When I was with my ex I sent him a photo I was fully clothes and my boyfriend confronted me If I had ever sent a photo of me to a person so I told him the truth. Then he started saying I live a ****ed up life and I'm a whore an a slut and he practically turned all my friends from me. I love him and don't want him hurt before he pushed me last night he told me he felt like taking his life and I'm so scard if I leave him he will do so. And I don't want that. We been together for 4 months now I no it's not long. He dose respect me talk to me and that but when his angry it's hard. I always say to him it was okay for him to hit me an that I deserved it because I feel like it's what he wants to hear to stop going at me.

[southamerica]

If he's having suicidal thoughts, he needs to seek professional help. You are in no way obligated to stay with someone when they threaten suicide if you leave.

And let me clarify-you sent a fully clothed picture to your ex WHILE you were with your ex, and your current boyfriend has a problem with that? How does that entitle your boyfriend to shove you?

I want you to think about what you just said: "I always say to him it was okay for him to hit me an that I deserved it because I feel like it's what he wants to hear to stop going at me".

Is that the type of person you want to be with? You don't even admit to us that you feel you actually deserved it, but you allow yourself to tell him he may hit you whenever because you deserve it.

I think that he needs to seek help for many problems, especially suicidal thoughts and violence. You need to help yourself AND him and let him work out his issues alone. No matter what you think you aren't helping him by sticking around and validating his behavior.

I hope you see that I'm saying this out of concern for you.

[talaniman]

I'm 19 his 23 it's over the fact that an ex boyfriend from 12 months back. When I was with my ex I sent him a photo I was fully clothes and my boyfriend confronted me If I had ever sent a photo of me to a person so I told him the truth. Then he started saying I live a ****ed up life and I'm a whore an a slut and he practically turned all my friends from me. I love him and don't want him hurt before he pushed me last night he told me he felt like taking his life and I'm so scard if I leave him he will do so. And I don't want that. We been together for 4 months now I no it's not long. He dose respect me talk to me and that but when his angry it's hard. I always say to him it was okay for him to hit me an that I deserved it because I feel like it's what he wants to hear to stop going at me.

I think you find a safe place to be and get the help you need, and let him get his own help. Giving someone unreasonable and mentally unhealthy permission to hurt you is UNACCEPTABLE! Leave now BEFORE IT GETS WORSE, and trust me, it will!!

[redhed35]

You are giving him permission to hit you? So that he will calm down, what if he hits you so hard he breaks your bones, or kills you?
He is out of control and your in it up too your neck, you need help, and I say that in a kind way, the kind of help that gets you away from him.

You are in an abusive relationship, you are being abused, physically, mentally and emotionally.

He counting on you not to be strong, he counting on your weakness so he can feel powerful, so he can blame you for every wrong in his past and his future.

Your only in this situation for 4 months and you see how bad it is, its not going to change, its going to get worse.

I'm betting he does not want other people to know what's going on?

That's how you break the pattern, and that's how you free yourself.

I urge you to take the advice given in this thread, but if you don't, in the near future, remember it, tell people what's going on, and get out.

As for the threats to kill himself, I doubt it very much, it's a ploy to emotionally blackmail you to stay.. and its working!

Tell him to go to hell... from a safe distance!

[S0ph13]

He said he wanted to take his life not if I was to leave him though it was a just all in general thing. I've seek help called help lines talked to my family ( as I live at home. ) and let them know if they hear him raise him raise his voice to go straight to It without hesItation to help stop him I've talked to friends about it now and filled them in. So they are here to support me through it all. :)

A part of me thinks he may have personality change because it changes so raipidly so easy.

It's hard to just walk away from him, his been my first kiss on new years my first valentine my first seriouse for this stage boyfriend. Every other day is fine it's like he wouldn't hurt a fly but the first time he pushed me back was in a silly heated conversation and the day before yesterday over me confonting him about snooping through my stuff an invading my privacy.

I said I wouldn't have minded if he had of asked but to do it whilst I was at work really bugged me.

There's so many things I love about him. But I just get so petrified when his angry.

[southamerica]

S0ph13 I think you've done all you can in speaking with his friends and asking him to get help.

I know the first new year kiss/valentine/boyfriend is hard to get over. That is a universal thing that we all experience. We are begging you to walk away though because his behavior is a predecessor for something much worse and dangerous. With a caring, non-violent boyfriend you will never feel petrified, EVER.

You can try to explain that the situation is isolated and he isn't usually like that-but violent people will continue to be violent and it always starts somewhere and usually progresses until it's too late. That is unless you walk away. I really hope you do. We're always here for you if you need to talk more.

[mystific]

Well.. he just sounds like a peach.

It's hard to just walk away from him, his been my first kiss on new years my first valentine my first seriouse for this stage boyfriend.

So tell me.. are you going to find it just as hard to walk away when he's the first to put you in hospital?

How long are you going to let him guilt you into staying?

I always say to him it was okay for him to hit me an that I deserved it because I feel like it's what he wants to hear to stop going at me.

He dosen't love you. You are his punching bag. You are his poor excuse for a girlfriend who cowers to him. And THAT makes him feel like a man. This 'man' is a COWARD. Does he beat puppies in his spare time when you're at work too?

This 2 bit low life piece of trash needs to be kicked to the curb now.

You CANNOT change him and you can't feel sorry for him. He is nothing but an out and out bully, and if you keep feeding all this crap to him about how 'you deserve it' then you seriously need to reassess your perspective on what your life means to you.

If this is only 4 months into the relationship.. what happens in 8 months?

I am going out on a limb and assuming you aren't using protection either. What happens if you become pregnant? Would you allow yourself and your unborn child to be yet another victim of abuse?

Time to take your life back into your hands and take control. Get the hell out and stay well away.

[jmjoseph]

So, you're hanging out with a guy that has to be treated so delicately that you have to forewarn your friends, and family, of impending violent outbursts? That's like having a mad dog as a lap pet. Never knowing when something, or nothing, will set him off.

What does this guy have that makes you stay?

What hold does he have over you?

Whatever it is, you need to get over it, and move on. Things like this get worse before they get better.

God bless you.

[amicon]

He's an abusive,emotional blackmailer and you need to leave before it gets worse and trust me it will.

Don't for a single second believe that you'deserve'to get hit-no one EVER does and a person who uses any kind of violence to dominate anybody else is a criminal!

Leave him-asap.