[dincher]

After I felt a close friend of mine (of 5 years) start to pull away, I confronted her about it and told her how I felt. I basically told her that I was worried that she is losing interest in our friendship as she no longer hangs out with me as much as we did before.

She answered that she is not avoiding me and that I'm creating problems where there aren't any. I have reasons I did not agree with her, but did not voice them to her as I wanted to preserve her friendship and not argue or prolong any ill feelings.

One weekend, I saw that she was online playing a video game on Facebook, and when I logged into the chat to play with her, she logged out. Then about 10 minutes later, she logged in again, but my guess is that upon seeing me there, she logged back out.

My feelings were hurt so I posted a status update on Facebook about it (without using her name) that read something like, "Some people will try to avoid you at all costs by logging out when they see you logged in".

She immediately posted a reply and said, "Just because I logged out of chat?? I have things to do, and I'm feeling sick"

Anyway, I deleted her comment immediately so that no one would know that it was her whom I was talking about. But some of my friends started to comment, "Oh you're better off without having someone like that anyways" and "concentrate on those good friends you have, not on the bad ones" etc etc

To make a long story short, we didn't speak for two weeks, but then I contacted her to apologize for my behavior. She answered, "you're forgiven" and didn't say anything else

I noticed that her close friend unfriended me, so I asked her about it. She didn't answer, so I said, "Well, if you're only forgiving me because you think it's the right thing to do and not because you feel like you really mean it, then let me know and I'll walk away and you won't have to worry about me again".

Then she answered that she feels that we should end our friendship.

We haven't spoken in about 4 months.

What do you think? Did I go about this the wrong way? I know with the Facebook post I did, but I did apologize for it...

[talaniman]

You ever think you are holding on to a friendship too tightly, and maybe its time to broaden your horizons?

People change with time for whatever reasons, and you have to let them do their own thing their way. After 5 years things change, and you have to adjust as friends come and go through out your life, and that's okay.

So don't make this a real big deal, friend or not. Just give it time, and space.

[joypulv]

I don't see right or wrong here. It would be nice to know where we stand with a friend who seems more distant, but we just have to accept that we don't always get an explanation. Sometimes years later we find out the reason.

My sister was barely tolerable during her marriage, but when she divorced she told me that she had been miserable and didn't want any family to know because our mother had never approved of the man. We became very close again. You just don't always know the story.

[AgirlBT]

You didn't do anything wrong, you were just worried and didn't want to lose a friend, maybe she wanted to spare you from something serious and that's why she ended contacting you.

[jmjoseph]

Are you sure that it's "just friends" that you're interested in?

Would you be in a relationship with this girl?

[dincher]

We're both girls- our friendship was a sisterhood.

[dincher]

Threads merged


Long story short, one of my closest friends and I had a fallout and she and I are no longer speaking. This fallout happened five months ago. By the way, this is non romantic -we were like sisters. But one day, we got into an argument, and she told me she prefers we not be friends anymore.

She unfriended me from Facebook, but since we still have many mutual friends on Facebook, I can still see her commenting on our friends posts, etc.

My question is this: I noticed that she doesn't comment on any of the posts that I comment on from our mutual friends. This evening, to show her that I have no resentment towards her, I joined in on a conversation that she was having with one of these mutual friends of ours, but she left the conversation.

She had asked this mutual friend to post up a picture of the new dress the friend posted about. This mutual friend posted the picture and I commented saying only, "nice dress". But my ex friend didn't even acknowledge the picture even though she was the one who asked about it. I know it's because I commented on that picture.

Is she that angry that even the conversations that I join in on makes her want to leave? I can't understand how someone who used to be close to me can be so resentful. And by the way, I didn't do anything bad like cheat on her boyfriend, or anything like that.

[grammadidi]

Sometimes when we are hurt things carry much more meaning to us than to the other party. It is possible that your ex friend didn't even see the photo of the dress. If she truly refuses to comment on things because you have then she might very well be that angry - OR she is very hurt.

If you value your friendship with this gal (and it sounds like you do) then I think you should call her or at the very least write her a letter and tell her how much you miss her friendship and wish there was something you could do to make it right again. Maybe that's all she needs.

It sounds like you feel that you didn't do anything really bad but she seems to have experienced it differently. It may just be that she is hurting because you haven't resolved this sooner. They say that time heals all wounds but I think communication is a lot quicker. You are joining in on conversations and she's leaving, etc. to show you have no resentment towards her, but she may be feeling like it's a slap in the face. Unless you talk to her, she will never understand.

Of course, one or both of you may really have moved past this friendship. If this is the case, then you will have to truly let it go. That means that her presence in conversations to mutual friends will have to become unimportant to you. You comment when and where you want, treat her with respect and not place any thought or importance upon whether she acknowledges, comments or joins in herself. If she truly is resentful then it will be her problem not yours.

I hope this helps.

Hugs, Didi

[talaniman]

For whatever reasons that things have changed between the two of you, you don't seem to have accepted it. Please do, and let it go and give her space. You just cannot force things to be better between you, or go back to the way it was. Especially when all her signals are that she doesn't seem to want to go back. So leave her alone. Hurts I know, but this is her decision, so accept it, because you can't fix it. It will be frustrating if you try.