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soniyaa · Feb 17, 2011, 10:31 AM

Cat1864 · Feb 17, 2011, 12:57 PM

Without more information on why they object or how strongly they object, there isn't much advice that can be given.

I can tell you that after reading many questions posted by people who did enter into love marriages I suggest that you fully discuss the expectations that both you and the man you love have for marriage. Too often, I am reading questions from people who think that love conquers all and they don't know how to handle life once they are married. I would not want to see you become another person who finds that life after marriage is the complete opposite of what she thought it would be.

Think very carefully about what you want. Look at your parents objections as objectively as you can. Be certain that you love him and not the concept of being in love or that you are holding on to him because of your parents' objections.

soniyaa · Feb 17, 2011, 11:33 PM

I love him a lot... my parents want a rich and well settled person from our caste... Even he is trying to get well settled... the only problem is our caste... my parents think that if they agree for this marriage,, they will lose all their prestige in society and among our relatives... I am having a younger sister... my decision should not affect her life... I am doing my engineering 2nd year... still I have 2 years for marriage... but his mom is forcing him to get married... even he loves me a lot... I have said him to forget me... but we both are suffering a lot without each other... I am getting much fear to talk about this with my mom... not getting what to do... so please help... because I can't live without him and I am not finding any way other than dying...

Wondergirl · Feb 18, 2011, 08:22 AM

I am so sorry to hear this, soniyaa. Would he dare defy his mother? What does his father think?

Which country do you live in? Which caste is he, and which are you? Certainly there must a way that your love may be allowed. Have you consulted with a priest?

Cat1864 · Feb 18, 2011, 08:54 AM

Soniyaa, it may not feel like it right now, but you can live without him. 'Dying' is not an acceptable answer to your problem.

I know that it would be very easy for me as someone who comes from a very different world to tell you to follow your heart. However, I know that isn't as easy to do in your society. I know little of the caste system, but what I do know tells me that there are fundamental differences. Have both of you really looked at those differences and how you would blend your upbringings if you did get married?

Have you thought about what your life would be like if you went against your parent's wishes?

Is his mother against the union? Is she pressing him to marry the woman she picks or anyone he chooses as long as he marries?

If his mother was willing to back off and allow him to marry when and who he wants, would your parents be willing to give him a chance to show that he is more than his caste?

soniyaa · Feb 19, 2011, 07:12 AM

His father is no more... he is doing his own business... His mother may agree for this marriage... I am sure because his sister's was also love marriage... but I am not sure that my parents will give him a chance... even I don't have any dareness to go against my parents... but what can I do... I am very much committed with him that one day looks like a year for me without him... I am not able to concentrate on my studies also as he is my only strength...

Cat1864 · Feb 19, 2011, 07:47 AM

You need to concentrate on your studies. It may be difficult, but you need to be able to show your parents that he is a positive influence in your life instead of a negative one.

Is there anyone who would speak to your parents on your behalf? Someone who they respect.

Have you thought about the consequences of a marriage that crosses caste lines, is a love match, and may not be fully (if at all) accepted by your parents and his mother?

talaniman · Feb 19, 2011, 02:48 PM

Failing your studies is not going to help your cause at all, and since you have a few years before you get out of school, you should leave this subject for a better time, and let him deal with his own family. Does his family even know of you? I think you better wait to see what he does about his own family, before you get yours all in an uproar.

soniyaa · Feb 20, 2011, 08:28 AM

He wants me to be with him to approach his mother... his family will accept me... but my family won't... I am sure about this... I am feeling guilt to talk to him also.. because I am having a guilt that I am cheating my parents if I continue this relationship... and one side I am feeling that I am cheating him... because I had left him alone... as there is no 1 to support him., even his family... even he is much committed with me that I am his only support... really I can't see him like that... and I can't be with him also... *** help me out in this...

I am just running away from him... feeling a lot of pain in my heart...

sethiprince · Feb 26, 2011, 08:39 PM

Hello sonia, am also in same problem, the only difference is am boy and remaining the same, my parents will agree but her parents never,I also don't know what to do...

sysprofessional · May 22, 2011, 01:35 PM

Hello Sonia, my problem comes from you, only difference that I'm a boy, to love is no crime, my girlfriend is doing the same. And just how much I pretend I know is that. So please Not flee away from him or tell him why. If you're thinking that you are deceiving their parents. If it should think before you make love. Now you have to love.And if you trust on love Do not hurt him. Worship and faith on God. I am also very worried about that issue. If you can find a better solution please do tell me. To this address,
>Removed< thanks...

Now I had very little time,so could not talk in detail.

Choice1 · May 22, 2011, 02:16 PM

I don't understand the last message very well but it seems like you have a girlfriend who is being forced to marry someone else and/or her parents won't accept you. A lot of us are un the same boat... either we are being forces to marry someone other than our love or our loved one is or has been forced to marry someone else. I wish I knew the answers. I guess only time will tell. Ive been in a lot of heartbroken pain but my love and I cannot seem to part. Why do parents do this? What is being accomplished. People tell me to let go but what is the best solution? Do these forced marriages end in happiness? What is the point? Is there anyone out there who has been forced to marry and is now happy? Why can't we just be happy?

kristy sharma · Jul 20, 2011, 11:42 PM

Hi sonia, me too facing the same problem. My parents will never accpt my boyfriend, bt still v r hoping 4 d bst. I want 2 say that nowadays true love is hard 2 get. Once you get it don't try 2 leave it. Be with your boyfriend. Ask him 2 convnce your parents. If his love is true, he will definitely leave a +ve point in your parents mind that dey will automatically want 2 thnk once for him. Try it. Bt you, BE WID UR BF IN EVERY SITUATION. BE BOLD N STAND UP WID HIM EVN WEN HE IS CNVNCNG UR PARENTS.
WISH U GOOD LUCK 2 BOTH OF U.