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LoveStoned · Feb 11, 2011, 09:34 PM

All threads merged for the whole story

Hey guys! It has been 2 years since I broke up with my ex and now think I'm ready to start seeing people. Just recently, a guy I work with asked me if I wanted to hang out and we did. I think we both are pretty much attracted to each other. Also, I heard from someone he works with that he really likes me too. The only problem is... he doesn't really show it!! I think he recently just came out of a relationship a couple months ago. I'm confused. I don't know what he's looking for.

adviceishere · Feb 12, 2011, 03:07 AM

Well if you both enjoy eachothers company regardless of attraction then just have some fun together, nothing has to come of it but if it does that's a bonus, if he's just out of a relationship chances are he's scared and wants to take things slowly and not have you as a rebound, so just go with the flow, have fun getting to know each other without complications, the more he gets to know you and vce versa the more you will open up to each other, starting as friends and having fun is the perfect concoction for a long lasting relationship, if it doesn't turn out that you like each other in "that way" chance are you will remain friends and that's perfect because you both work together, it would be awful if you fell out with each other and had to see each other in work everyday. Just let him take his time, for now, but don't let him leave it too long to act mysterious, you may get fed up, but its early days.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2011, 05:00 PM

Confused how to approach dating
Dating is having fun getting to know each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just recently, a guy I work with asked me if I wanted to hang out and we did. I think we both are pretty much attracted to each other.
Working with a guy your dating can be very complicated later, so you better go slow, and be very careful to protect your feelings.

Also, I heard from someone he works with that he really likes me too. The only problem is.....he doesn't really show it!!!! I think he recently just came out of a relationship a couple months ago
That's one of the problems of dating people from the job, others are in your business, and though they may be well intentioned, they can be an unwanted influence, and a source of gossip, and talking too much.

I'm confused. I don't know what he's lookin for.
You won't know anything until you have dated long enough to find out. He probably doesn't know either what he wants, but that's the fun, finding out. But don't get carried away by feelings of attraction, and be eager to hand your heart to a stranger, or move to fast with unrealistic expectations. Or ASSUME he feels as you do.

LoveStoned · Feb 15, 2011, 11:22 AM

Have fun getting to know each other without complications>> That's the thing. When people start paying for stuff, I feel weird. The first date we split the charge, for the second, he took care of it. I don't know if I should just tell him I'm confused or just let it be and see what unfolds.

I wish · Feb 15, 2011, 11:26 AM

Give it more time, what's the rush? As long as you have the chance to spend time and get to know each other better. Let things flow naturally, no need to force the issue.

2 dates is too early to push the panic button.

LoveStoned · Feb 15, 2011, 11:29 AM

I'm aware that dating someone you work with may bring complications. So I really don't want to rush into anything either. I guess I was just a tad bit nervous since it was kind of my first actual one on one hang out with guy. We'll see what happens. Thank You for your feedback :o)

answerme_tender · Feb 16, 2011, 02:46 PM

I know getting back into the dating scene is SCARY! Its like here we go again, yet hoping it doesn't have same result. The only good thing is he probably doesn't have any idea either!!

I will say just remember this is just dating, flirting, getting to see if there is anymore then physical attraction. It not a declaration of love or any commitment of a relationship, just getting to know someone. Just have some fun!! Oh, and since your NOT in a relationship just dating remember if he ask you out--he pays!! (oopps showing how old fashion I am)!

Take care

LoveStoned · Feb 20, 2011, 12:20 AM

Thank You... Thats exactly how I feel... Here we go again... Oh well that too confuses me about the who pays for who... I actually have to talk to him about this type of stuff,, because its okay for once in a while but not all the time.. its just how I am.. I GUESS

LoveStoned · Apr 1, 2011, 08:23 PM

Hey everyone. So I've been seeing this guy for a month or so. When we first started seeing each other he would call only because I didn't have a cell phone at the time. But as soon as I got my phone I have only received texts and no calls what's so ever! We have a very conflicting schedule and he also has two kids from a previous marriage (I haven't met them). Being that we have hooked up really confused everything and I do not know what his motives are. And now he really doesn't text me unless I start it. What is your in put? We've made plans to meet up sometime next week and would like to talk to him about this. Thanks guyz :)

amicon · Apr 1, 2011, 11:59 PM

Then you talk to him about it when you do meet up.

Ask him what his motives are;it seems to me he's backing off,so find out sooner rather than later.

Devorameira · Apr 2, 2011, 01:16 PM

I personally hate texting - it's like e-mail, really impersonal.

You need to communicate face to face and be open and honest with him about how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen and shows no concern for how you're feeling, then it may mean that you need to move on.

talaniman · Apr 3, 2011, 12:25 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ng-553694.html

Same guy?? Doesn't matter.

Now that you have a phone, you can call and ask him yourself. Or through a text.

"2 bze 2 cll & cht????"

"Y hvt U cld??"

My point, talk to him about it, most guys hate calling, texting, emailing. We usually take the easiest route. He is probably hitting the text on the fly, while he is doing other things.

LoveStoned · Apr 4, 2011, 04:42 AM

Okay. So here is an upate. I told him I was confused and he basically said that he is not trying to rush into things and believes we were moving fast. Yet he was the one to always start text conversation and so forth. I replied and said my feelings were kind of mutual.

But here is my question why back totally back off? :( And hanging out once or twice a week... to me is slow enough being that communication was only done through text a few times a day. Any advice?

Should I take it we are friends like already have from this so far? (This would mean no hanging out) Or should I still hang out with him stuff? I don't want to get hurt again. HELP!

LoveStoned · Apr 4, 2011, 04:50 AM

It is the same guy. And I just thought he preferred communicating throughg text so I texted! And we are very busy people. I got used to the fact that he would text during down time or mid day to see how I was doing.

amicon · Apr 4, 2011, 05:42 AM

You need to ask him these questions and find some way of deciding where this is going-if anywhere.

LoveStoned · Apr 4, 2011, 05:51 AM

He said,"things are going great. Its just that we've been busy..." I told him what I thought of everything and hope I didn't scare him off. Lol Needed to be said though. I basically said that I think hooking up confused things and that the time we had to see each other wasn't good to really get to know each other. But that everything is cool.

As far as deciding where this is going- I get everything is good but we moved too fast... So really don't know. This is a tough cookie to figure out. :P

talaniman · Apr 4, 2011, 05:52 AM

There are many ways to back down a bit, and the best way I think is keeping a balance in your life with a very active social life. Especially with guys, and don't get attached through sex. That's the biggest, and hardest thing to slow down, and the surest way to get hurt. Sex does not equal love, caring, or concern, and people go through and do a lot of things to keep it going.

It skews your whole perspective of things, especially when jumped into very early. Essentially, you have handed your heart to a stranger, and has he proved he deserves it after a month or two of limited dating? Be honest, its not the number of dates, or the sex, it's the quality time of getting to know who you are sharing time with, after the lust has worn off, and you figure out what's really there between you.

Balance your life and back off to a safe emotional distance until the lust has worn off. That could be a year or more, or next week, but to protect yourself know it for yourself. You have already given this guy permission to run his own program, but you don't have to go along, just to have a date or a love buddy

LoveStoned · Apr 4, 2011, 09:19 AM

*Balance your life and back off to a safe emotional distance until the lust has worn off. That could be a year or more, or next week, but to protect yourself know it for yourself.

Will definitely see to that! Thank you everyone :)

amicon · Apr 4, 2011, 09:22 AM

Good luck!

LoveStoned · Apr 27, 2011, 09:25 PM

More Updates! So its been 3 months... same thing. Communicates through text and so on. Problem now is the hot and cold treatment. Now we are starting to go days without texting each other. I haven't been initiating the texts or the idea of hanging out. I've made sure to keep myself busy and not be available at all times when he wanted to hang out. We always hang out at night which leads to hooking up and it's made me feel a bit weird so I'm trying to avoid this also. I'm really not sure what he wants and don't want to bring up the talk with him either. I'd like to get to know one another without hooking up now. I guess because of the distancing back and forth. Now I just feel like giving up and not texting back or anything. This sounds rude but I'm trying not to get stringed along or used for sex. I hope he didn't think I was looking for a casual fling? I mean, he would send me cute texts and stuff. Now it's just stopped. Also, I don't know if he is seeing other girls too. What should I do guys?