[worry1981]

Hi, I have no idea what to do, I have been married for 2 years nearly, have 2 beautiful children and a beautiful wife, whom I love with all my heart. We delved into the world of hotwifing for some fun, but its all gone pear shaped, she did it and then massively regretted it, evryone found out and she says I was prostituting her out, and now resents me for it. This is when I made such a stupid pathetic mistake, she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted me anymore etc, so I started to speak to a friend of hers and mine, and got a bit too close. I slept with this woman because I was feeling lonely, stupid me I know, I felt sick afterwards and went home in tears almost. It then turns out a few days later that another friend went on her Facebook and found all the messages we had sent to each other, printed them out and gave them to my wife, she understandably went mad at me, she then contacted this woman and asked her if I had slept with her, which she totally denied. I wish to hell I had told my wife the truth and kept some shred of decency but I didn't, I was so scared I was about to lose her and the children, again, stupid of me I know. Then it turns out this woman that I slept with has past mental health issues, has lied about my wife and children in the past and really been a right cow spreading rumours and lies about my family for a long while, her husband left her last year as he said she was mad and I didn't believe him. Now everyone thinks that she set these messages up so her ex would fine them as he goes on her FB sometimes, and everyone thinks I have done nothing wrong, now I'm being threatened by this woman that she is going to show ervyone the texts that I sent her saying god knows what as I have ruined her life. She has moved her children to a different school and is moving out of the area, I hate myself for what I have done, totally hate myself but I will never forgive myself if I hurt my wife anymore or my children, I actually considered suicide the other day on the way home, even sat in my car and wrote a note to my wife saying how sorry I was and how proud I was of her and the children, I don't know what to do, I know I should tell her but I can't now, it's a massive web of lies and don't know how to get out of it

[katie_forder]

Well, I'm no expert on relationships or anything but here is my view.
You should tell her today if you haven't already. Hopefully she is smart enough to leave you and hopefully you both can still get along for the children's sake.
You two are not meant to be together and just because you have been married and love her does not mean you are actually ready for a marriage commitment.
If I were her I would not consider marriage counseling. It would be over.

[joypulv]

I have no idea what hotwifi is or what pear shaped means in that context, but of course you can extricate yourself from a web of lies BY TALKING TO YOUR WIFE. If she still thinks you forced her into something she didn't want to do, both of you get to a couples counselor ASAP, because she needs to take some responsibility too.

Sorry, but you sound pathetic. Almost cried. Actually thought about suicide. Sat in your car and wrote a letter. Can't get out of this. A spider's thread is made of the strongest stuff on earth and of course a bug gets stuck. Your web is of your own making and you are the spider. Get yourself out. Show some integrity and act. Period.

[Cat1864]

First, find a counselor and make an appointment for yourself if nothing else.

Second, tell your wife everything. Show her the correspondence if you have to and let her know that you are starting counseling and would like for her to join you, but you understand if she isn't ready to take that step. Communicate with her to find out what her needs are. Do not be surprised if it takes a while for her to be able to discuss the issues with you. Be patient and do not put the blame for your actions on her.

The 'hotwifing' (sharing the wife with other men) was obviously a mistake that both of you made together. That is something that she needs to come to terms with.

Your cheating was your mistake. Taking responsibility means that you do what you can to go forward. Whatever happens between you and your wife will not negate the fact that you are a father to two children who will need you to be in their lives giving them love and support. Cry if you need to, but get thoughts of suicide out of your mind. Suicide is ultimate in putting an individual's wants, desires, and needs ahead of anyone else's. I think there has been enough selfishness shown in this relationship already.

Please seek professional counseling to work through this for children. There may not be a marriage left, but there is still a lot of parenting to do.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep Cat, but as always, excellent advice.

Worry,

This entire situation is out of control, and until you establish control over yourself, you don't have a hope in hel* of saving your marriage.

As Cat said, you need to speak to a professional, and sort out this mess, one step at a time. You can only attempt to change what you can, about yourself, to solve the issues you face.

You have NO control over what anybody else does. While gossip, postings printed out, and psycho drama queens are a part of why you are in this position, none of that will heal or mend all that has happened.

You have to start at the beginning, and work it through. Learn what you can do to get past the confusion, guilt, and remorse, and turn that energy into a positive plan that will lead to healthy goals. i.e. saving your marriage.

There is help for you, but you need to take that step in actually making the effort, and the commitment to getting it. Without that, you will forever be in the position of worrying and slapping bandaides on what are now, simmering external problems that could very well turn into major surgery.

Take the step to start with yourself.

[robinad]

I would start by going to counseling with your wife, tell her the truth and take the steps to improve your life.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

I see no other course but for you to get the help you need, and be honest with your wife about everything. After that you have to man up, and take the consequences of your actions, and just do the right thing for a change. Even if you don't want to, or things don't work out to your satisfaction.

[robinad]

Update?