[lollipopgirl83]

I am 23 years old and have always been really really close to my grandparents, I saw then nearly everyday and lived with them for over a year. Last year I went to mallorca to work and I had only been there a month and my grandad was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 4 weeks. I went home for the funeral and seeing my nan was horrible, they were so in love and had been together since she was 15. I came back to mallorca as I met someone and amm now living here. I went back home in oct and stayed with my nan until dec, I came back to mallorca for new year but had a phone call from my mum on new years eve saying my nan had had a heart attack and had died. I am now back in mallorca after going home for the funeral but I am finding it so hard to accept that I have lost my nan and grandad in the last 6 months. I know I should be so happy that they are together now but I can't help being selfish and wishing they were both back here. I just don't know what I am going to do without them, and I am so worried about my mum as she feels she has no one now and I am living so far away. I just want them back so much.

[ordinaryguy]

Those empty places in the shape of your loved ones will always remain with you, but in time they will cease to claim so much of your attention. If I knew of something more comforting to say, I would say it, but that's all I know for sure.

[moomin007]

Lollipop, I'm truly sorry for your loss. It's an old saying but time really is a great healer. It's going to be hard for you being away from your mum. All you can do is let her know you are there for her. Talk to her often, tell her you love her. Let her (& you) cry when you want to/need to. There is nothing wrong with tears & sorrow. It shows we care & have loved. Things will get easier. There will come a time when you can think of your grand parents without too much pain. I promise, but I can't put a timescale to it.

[lollipopgirl83]

Thanku moomin, I just feel so lost. I feel like I need to be with my mum, but I am 23 years old and I'm trying to make my life here in Mallorca. I feel like I have become such a bore, I don't want to do anything, I am moody and upset all the time. I cry almost everyday, I feel sorry for my boyfriend because he's the one who has to put up with it all.
I am just happy that my nan and grandad are together again now... just wish it was here..
X

[serenitynow422]

The best way to heal I find is to talk to someone. Even your boyfriend, whom I'm sure you love, pour out all your feelings and yes you will end up as a bubblering mess but still you will have said your piece and then you can do something about it. You have to clear your paper before drawing something new and beautiful.

[s_cianci]

It's always difficult to lose someone you love. I hope that this doesn't sound harsh or uncaring but remember, we all go sometime. It's always easy to be riddled with anger and ask "Why now?" Your nan might have lived another 5, 10, maybe 15 years. But she would have died sooner or later and you would have had to grieve and mourn the loss when it happened. What I'm trying to say is that we all lose loved ones and must mourn the loss. It's a part of life that we have to be prepared to deal with. This realization makes it easier for me personally when I have to grieve the loss of a loved one. My father just passed away two weeks ago so I can relate to what you're going through. I may not have been prepared for it to happen exactly when it did but it was actually a comfort to me to realize that it would have had to happen sometime. If not now, then like I said maybe 5, 10, 15 years down the road. But in the end there was no escaping the loss and grief that I and my family were destined to endure. And it'll happen again, particularly when my mother and my in-laws go. It's an inevitable part of life. I hope this helps and I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

[lollipopgirl83]

s_ciani what u said is indeed very very true. Everyone does have to go through it at some point in their lives. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your father.
Xx

[valinors_sorrow]

I too think like Ordinary Guy in the loss is not something we get over but rather we get used to... but that takes some time. There is a process by which all humans grieve. And it is never easy or graceful. In many ways it is a very custom-tailored kind of thing and I hear you describing what its like for you -- understandably rough at the moment. I think it helps to acknowledge the loss, just as you have. Nothing selfish about that. And it is very comforting to us all when we can share that loss with others, like you are with your mom. Very healthy. We can all use some support in tough times.

How you feel about this will change over time. You will find your way through the grief just as your mom is too. For me, the most comforting thing I found is the realization that I take a part of each person I lost with me -- in a collection of memories or gifts they left for me or even by seeing my mom's hands now when I look into my own. They are not completely gone, just bodily gone and it now becomes harder to find them.

I am sorry for your loss.

[melinda9047]

:eek:

I too think like Ordinary Guy in the loss is not something we get over but rather we get used to... but that takes some time. There is a process by which all humans grieve. And it is never easy or graceful. In many ways it is a very custom-tailored kind of thing and I hear you describing what its like for you -- understandably rough at the moment. I think it helps to acknowledge the loss, just as you have. Nothing selfish about that. And it is very comforting to us all when we can share that loss with others, like you are with your mom. Very healthy. We can all use some support in tough times.

How you feel about this will change over time. You will find your way through the grief just as your mom is too. For me, the most comforting thing I found is the realization that I take a part of each person I lost with me -- in a collection of memories or gifts they left for me or even by seeing my mom's hands now when I look into my own. They are not completely gone, just bodily gone and it now becomes harder to find them.

I am sorry for your loss.