[hopeful_1]

I am a mother who gave consent to letting my ex have custody of our son. He has pushed me for years for custody and put so much pressure on our son to go and live with him that it started to break my household apart. I am remarried with 3 other children and the stress and fighting between my son and I and my new husband was terrible. In the end he wanted to go to his fathers as we were too strick and apparently had too many rules and his father made sure that we were not allowed to disapline him. Putting him in his room for time out was wrong apparently and the schools in Australia are not good enough in his eyes!! Anyway long story short I agreed to letting him have custody if he allowed my son to come back at 13 if he was not happy there... he said yes. But when it came to signing the orders he changed his mind and said no the he would never let him come back. So my son moved there 2 years ago and hates it. He cries to me all the time and when I hear what goes on over there I am shattered. I feel terrible as I know how horrible his father is and he is all by himself... in another country. Now he wants to come back or he will kill himself or run away. I know he can't come back, and all the stuff that happens over there, his father will deny and will take it out on my son if he went to court. He wrote me a letter saying how much he misses us all and that he has to stay there for his "education"... his dad tore it up and screamed at him. Poor little thing. I just wanted to know how to get through this and if anyone else has been through it. No body I know has given up custody and its hard to deal with. If anyone has any advice whether from the mothers point of view or the child stuck in the situation... please let me know. I would love to hear how to make the most out of a bad situation.

[JudyKayTee]

If your son is in danger, emotionally or physically, retain an Attorney and move to get custody returned to you. Does the father have legal custody, by the way?

It sounds like your son wasn't happy with you so he went where there were fewer rules. Now he doesn't like those rules and he wants to come back. Not uncommon at all. I'm not sure I believe what he is saying 100%.

You knew how "horrible" his father was but you let your son move in with in - in another Country?

Again - retain an Attorney.

[hopeful_1]

I know it sounds bad that I let him go to live there. His father is impossible to talk to, he is always right and makes you feel like an idiot with his big university words etc. He likes to belittle you. My son only knew dad as the fun on holidays dad so our place was boring and full of rules. So when you are 18 and have a baby in a foreign country and have to fight the "whole" family to keep your son as in there culture, the grandparents get custody of the child if the parents separate. They fought me for years to get him back "home" and kept telling him what a bad mother I am/was and so forth. I got postnatal depression very bad and needed to return home.
It is so complicated that I can not put into words how messed up the whole custody battle was but when my son kept wanting to go live with his dad, and his dad jumped at it,that was that. Straight to lawyers to get custody changed and he was happy. He got his "property" back. I know he is loved. I have to be careful as to how I tred with custody as I did let him go so why now do I think he should come back, and the fact that his dad is strict is not enough. If I thought there was abuse I would not send him back there. I just need to know how to let my son know that he wanted to live there and it is court ordered so he can't change his mind and come back now... he does not understand fully. He does not know the full story about us and won't till he is older. Please though, I don't need people commenting on why I would let him go there, its hard to hold a whole family together when everyone is pushing you that it is best for a boy to be with his father etc. I wish he was not there but one person can't fight an army that has thousands of dollars to throw at the courts and make up lies and attack my family. Its very hard and I just need to hear from someone that has made it through this. Thanks

[JudyKayTee]

Unfortunately the history behind your son's custody change IS important to the problem you have posted, your mindset, your "ex's" mindset and so forth.

I am not aware of anyone in your same circumstances - son overseas, unhappy, wants to come back. I've never seen this posted before.

You know the answer - a good Attorney.

As far as making it through this, people actually lose custody in the US, fight the battle, regain custody. It costs a lot of money, unfortunately.

I notice your original post refers to fighting between your son and your second husband so I'm not exactly sure what the circumstances of the change in custody were. It appears that family pressure was not the only problem.

At some point your son will be of legal age and will chose where he can live. In the meantime the best you can do is explain that his father has legal custody and there is little you can do until he's of legal age.