[bigred26448]

My had and affair with a guy she use 2 go 2 high school with. She told me the reason be cause I was not showing her love. I drive truck for a living and on the road a lot. See I thought I was but it was not enough. I ask her 1 time before if she was seeing someone and she told me no. But deep down I had a feeling she was so I keep o and keep on asking then she came out and said she was. She said it had been going on 4 about a year off and on. It broke my heart but I didn't want 2 let her iI want 2 work on us. I 4 gave her and she said she was not seen the guy any more. It been about 2 year now and I want 2 trust her but it is so hard. You know it the little thing that is driving me crazy now when she get call she talk real low or I'll call her and she tell me 2 hold on and she 4 get about me on the line things like that I just don't know what 2 do I love her.

[Jake2008]

I'm sorry you are going through this, and that you have mistrust and doubt as to your wife's honesty and fidelity.

It is hard to dismiss feelings left when you do become aware that your partner has cheated on you, and more than once. Love is one thing, but it doesn't work well without trust.

It is possible to work through infidelity, and all the consequences that are left unresolved, because of it. That you are both still together, there is hope. But, it is not without a commitment from both of you, to address all the issues. Not just the cheating itself, but all the emotional fallout that has resulted because of the cheating.

In my opinion, you would be perfectly justified in insisting on marriage counselling. This will pave the way for her to work on her commitment to you, and also pave the way for you to be able to express and work through the effect her actions have had.

It isn't enough to admit to an affair. That is only the beginning. While she may feel better confessing to what you suspected, that only makes your life more complicated, because there hasn't been any resolve. It's not enough to simply say 'sorry' and expect that you will just get back to normal and forget about it.

You deserve to be heard, and she needs to understand that. Counselling together is a good way to communicate and work through all the issues that have not yet been put in the past.

[bigred26448]

Thanks jake2008 it help 2 let some one know how I feel.

[0rphan]

Hi bigred,
This is a very difficult situation to be in,although you are still together despite everything,so you have to have something going for you both.

Once trust has been broken it leaves the door open for your imagination to work over-time on the smallest of things,which are probably innocent things,because the doubt is now there, you will always question where she goes, who she is talking to, is she telling the truth or lying because you won't find out being on the road all the time.

From what you have said it appears that she is alone most of the time, whilst you are away driving, I think this is where your problem has arisen, your wife felt lonely, as she said you didn't show her love,the affair just followed on from there.(although that's no excuse)

I know this doesn't make it right and that you have to earn a living, but sometimes life has to be re-arranged to accommodate the couple.

You both need to be together more than you have been, instead of lengthy times apart.Would it be possible to get some driving closer to home so that you can rebuild your relationship,regain the trust and be able to support each other in the down times?

I know she has gone off the rails, but I'm sure that you can regain the trust if you could only get the closeness that she and yourself, quite obviously desires,be a proper family.

Councilling is an option if you feel you need some outside help,you are still together and you do love her and I'm sure she loves you, if you can find it in your heart to put it all behind you, begin again,I feel you will regain the trust between you that has been lost.

Above all you must take time out together to talk all your issues through,deal with them one by one then lay them to rest.

Remember... give it time

[answerme_tender]

Bigred,

Its time to get into some counseling for both of your sakes. You are unable to completely trust her,and she has to know this.

Are you able to get home on the weekends? Or is it only bi-weekly? If you are home only on weekends and cannot find a counselor for those days and hours, you might want to even consider getting counseling from a minister. Something has to be better then just driving yourself crazy with jealousy.

Also let me say this, with knowledge of the trucking business, I cannot believe that she cheated on you due to you having to drive for living. You might to really step back and really hear her---it was more to lack of communication and affection when you were AROUND!! It had more to do with what is happening when you are HOME then on the road--just try and think about it that way.

Take care

[DoulaLC]

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband is an OTR trucker, it can be lonely at times, and you both do have to make an extra effort to stay connected, but there is no excuse for cheating... none.

If she felt unloved or lonely, she should have been talking to you about it. While it would not excuse her behavior, I hope you did not ignore any indications that she was not happy. If you feel that you probably did, let her know that you realize it.

I agree with the counseling. Let her know that you love her dearly, but are still having trouble getting passed what happened. You want to continue to rebuild the trust and would like to go to counseling with her. The onus really is on her to do all that she can to help you move passed it.

You may have not realized that she had concerns, or you may have thought that what you did and said expressed your love for her. Have the two of you since discussed how you both might better communicate, stay connected, and express your love for each other? Counseling can be a good way to help you with that if you feel you are not able to do so on your own.