[mspmc]

Threads merged

My Ex and I were in a relationship for 8 years, we broke up and I met someone else, he met someone else and when those relationship ended we were single for a year but had sex with each other throughout that year. I ended up moving away and he moved to be with me. However we got into an argument and he moved back home and then we got back together and I would go see him every weekend. I moved back and we got back toather and broke up again. Now we are officially not a couple but we still havesex. What does it mean, is he over our relationship... why does he still have sex with me if he doesn't want a relationship. He gets jealous still if he thinks I'm seeing other people. I am so confused! And to top it off we have a 10 year old together. Our first 8 years was a committed relationship... but the last 2 years was one year apart and one togther.

[talaniman]

Well I can only say the only thing I see left in this whole thing is the sex, and obviously that's not enough to keep this relationship alive, and him to stay with you. Stop the sex, and as a matter of fact, stop seeing each other, and then maybe you can let go and see if you can have a real life with healthy people, and things to do, because if you have already spent 8 to 10 years trying to build something, but have not yet, I doubt you ever will.

Let this go, because sex and jealousy is all he offers, and there are much better things in life to work on. So leave him alone and get your own life on track without him in it, and I bet you will be glad you did.

Except for the sex, this has been over a very long time.

[artlady]

My question would be, are you in love with each other or are you just F88k buddies?
No one can tell you how you feel but it sounds like you are just grabbing at the old straws hoping it can be more again.Only you know if it can .

[Devorameira]

If sex is your entire relationship, then he doesn't want you back, he only wants someone to sleep with. Can you live with nothing more?

Haven't you ever talked to each other about where the sex is leading? Good grief, you've been together for years... you should be able to open up enough to decide if this is just a buddy thing or not.

[mspmc]

Well we were in a committed relationship for 8 years. But we broke up and he was devastated. I made a mistake and regretted it ever since. That was in 2008. He got into another relationship with another woman for 10 months, that ended August 2009. We started fooling around again but it was in march 2010 that we got serious moved in together. I got mad and had a fit and kicked him out on December 2010 and well I thought it was a regualr fight and now he won't come back. I pushed it too far. I'm not over us yet, but we continue to have a sexual relationship. Is he just using me... I know I am not ready for dating or another relationship with anyone else yet and having sex with him is comforting cause I'm used to him. But I guess I'm still wondering if we willo ever get back into a relationship... or if its just sex. For me I want more,, but I don't know if he does.

[talaniman]

The sex is probably comfortable to you both, but it also keeps you attached, and the feelings for each other all stirred up. Stop having the sex, as you are both using it to stay in your comfort zones with each other. You will never let go, and see reality while you continue to have sex together. If you want more than sex, stop having it, so you get more. Either from him, or another, but that's gong to take some time, and a lot of it, and some proper healing.

See this as a love rehab, so you can break the addiction to each other, and see something else in life you need to do besides being stuck (or so hooked) on just him. That's what he is doing, to some extent by putting distance between you. And unfortunately for you, he knows your body will be there whenever he wants it.

That can't be good for you.

[Stringer]

Well I can only say the only thing I see left in this whole thing is the sex, and obviously thats not enough to keep this relationship alive, and him to stay with you. Stop the sex, and as a matter of fact, stop seeing each other, and then maybe you can let go and see if you can have a real life with healthy people, and things to do, because if you have already spent 8 to 10 years trying to build something, but have not yet, I doubt you ever will.

Let this go, because sex and jealousy is all he offers, and there are much better things in life to work on. So leave him alone and get your own life on track without him in it, and I bet you will be glad you did.

Except for the sex, this has been over a very long time.

Couldn't rep you Tal...

Exactly the way I see this... Stringer

[mspmc]

Reading about my situation really does put things into perspective. I think I am a booty call on his part and I don't think we are on the same page. When stinger stated... if you want more than sex, then stop having it... that made sense. I'm thinking I'm hanging on to something that might never be more than what it is now. Yes there was a time when we had it but now I think I hang on an so does he because of the comfort level rather than for emotional attachements. I think it is time for me to move one... but I am have no idea how to do that. I have been with him since I was 17 and really don't know how to date or meet people. And the bar scene is really not my forté. I mean I'm going to be 30 in march

[talaniman]

LOL, I know it feels like walking out of a cave to a new strange world, or sleeping for twenty (10 actually) years, and things have changed a lot. But you will adjust (with a proper healing period). And you will rebuild, as you EXPLORE THE NEW PLANET you find yourself on. No Hurry take your time, all that you need because it really is your world again, FINALLY. Enjoy it, every bit, and stay out of the bars, and make new friends and people to have fun with.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

Finally, stay out of exclusive committed relationships for a while. NO SEX, just friends, but,

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger's basket. Save some for your own basket.

[mspmc]

OK here goes..
My ex and I broke up I thought December 20th, we were together for 10 years and separated for 2 then got together for one year, so basically 13 years total. Anyway we broke up December 20th, its been hard but we still have sex. However I founf out the other day that he has a girlfriend that he met around the time we broke up. We had sex 6 days ago! Well our 10 year old daughter went to visit him and his family and he text her that a friend was going over and not to tell mom, well she told. What is my ex doing? This same weekend he text me Sunday morning asking what I did over the weekend, if I went out and who I hooked up with... he did that on new years too. That time he was freaking out saying we will never get back together if you were with anyone else.. can anyone help me figure out what he is thinking? I do want him back and probably can continue a sexual relationship even if he has a GF but I won't, but why is he hiding it and still seeing me? Any suggestions out there?

Oops we were together 8 years, sperated 2 and together for 1 year... so 11 years total not 13!

[adviceishere]

Because he's having his cake and eating it! Don't go back to him if he's having sex with you while he's not single! God only knows what he got up to behind your back when you were together, cut all ties with this man only stay in contact when its about your daughter, he's making a fool out of you, you deserve much better. :)

[spitvenom]

I can tell you exactly what he is thinking. I am going to find a new girl but still keep mspmc around as a safety net in case things with the new girl do not work out so I can still have sex. He is using you as a safety net and for sex. If I were you I would end it now.

[I wish]

If he wanted to stay in this relationship, he wouldn't have broken up with you. The two of you would be rebuilding the relationship and not broken up.

It's clear that he wants to be with this new girlfriend, especially since he's willing to have her around even though your daughter is there.

As for having sex with you, it's just a booty call on the side and you keep answering the call.

My suggestion, stop answering the booty call.