[tawanda28]

I really think my boyfriend is down low. I have been seeing signs. He has a tattoo on his lower leg, he wears a earring in his left ear, he wears women deodorant,he carries eyedrops,uses chapstick, flexes in the mirror a lot and he has this male friend that when we are not together he is always with him or calling him! He gets really excited when he is around him; it really makes me uncomfortable. Every time we have an argument he calls this friend or his friend butts in! Also, I have heard from two people that was at the same prison he was in that he was messing around with sissies and I ask him about it and he said that they said that because they wanted to holla at me I don't believe him why would two people lie to me? They have no reason too! He says that him and his male friend have been knowing each other for over twenty years but he doesn't hang with his other friends like that and he had been knowing them the same amount of time. Recently me and his male friend had an argument because he is always in our arguments he knows when he gets paid he even knows what goes on in our relationship he tells him everything! One time he came home with three condoms in his pocket and said he was with this male friend all day and he fell asleep at his house we don't use condoms! Also, I did his laundry one time and it looked like a dried white substance near the crack of his briefs. He works out of town and when he came back to town his friend pick him up and when I looked through his suitcase there was only one condom let me remind you he was with his friend and when he came home the two condoms were in his pocket! I recently confronted the two with my allegations and they were extremely upset and threatened to shoot me! I broke up with him two days ago and put him out! I told his friends girlfriend but she didn't believe me. Could someone please tell me what you think I have no proof but my intuition is eating me up I can't ignore it!

[artlady]

What are you going to do about it ,if in fact that is what it is?

[Cat1864]

Tawanda, please do not use all-caps. It is generally viewed as yelling. It can be a reason for your thread to be closed or a post to be deleted. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules
Thank you.

You have already asked him and that is (short of catching him in the act) the only way to know what someone's sexuality is.

Frankly, I don't think his sexuality matters as much as you don't trust him. Once trust is gone it is very difficult to keep a relationship in tact and viable.

Since you have already kicked him out and broken up with him, it would probably be best to let it all go and give yourself healing time.

Are there any children involved in this?

Edited to add the word 'not'.

[Jake2008]

None of what you say as 'proof', proves he is gay. That he has condoms regularly in his pocket, and he hangs out with a friend on a regular basis, also doesn't mean anything.

You continuously making accusations and him continuously defending himself, only means that you don't trust what he says, where he goes, or whether he is sexually active with others, including other women.

His friend isn't the problem either. Unless your relationship with your boyfriend is affected (which it is), and there is no compromise to change, or alter his friendship. With his friend fighting his battles for him, with you, I'd say his priority is with is friend and it should be the other way around.

Telling your husband's friend's girlfriend, about your unfounded 'facts', is also not a good idea. She is also not the problem, and to do so really sounds vindictive, and it won't stop, or change your boyfriends behaviour either.

That you have let him go, is a good thing. If you cannot trust him from everything from his sexualtiy to his choice of friends and what he's up to when he's not with you, then the problem is the relationship, nothing else. Without trust, you have nothing.

You may or may not be right about anything you have said, but all of what you suspect is beside the point. You don't need to prove anything, other than to yourself, that he is not the man for you.

[tawanda28]

I wasn't yelling that is just how I write. @ jake I told his friend's girlfriend because she needs to know if in fact he is gay. I have asked gay people and they said even said he is on the low . How can I just let it go when I have been sleeping with him all these years

[Cat1864]

If you had a sexual relationship with him, then you have proof that he has heterosexual tendencies. All else is speculation or jumping to conclusions. You now have a better idea of what you are looking for in a mate and hopefully after you heal and move on from this relationship you will meet someone who is a better fit for you.

You speak about him being incarcerated. Was that while you were a couple? How long and how much did he work out of town? How much time did you actually have together to get to know what each other is really like in a relationship?

[jeje409]

Coming from someone who knows... yes he is gay.did you even have sex? His response to your confrontation was just embarrassment that's all.that is a private matter.and you telling the other's girlfriend isn't going to do anything but make you look immature.let her find out for herself... its their relationship.

Good thing you broke up with him because having no trust in someone isn't good in a relationship... you ever thought maybe he saw your insecurities and wanted something different or someone that would trust him?

Take this as a life lesson--if it walks like a duck,smells like a duck,and talks like a duck,looks like a duck...

[Synnen]

The only way to know if someone is gay is that they either tell you or you catch them in the act.

Anything else is speculation.

If you don't trust him, then get tested for STDs, and move on with your life. The greatest revenge on an ex is to be happy without them.

[tawanda28]

@cat1864 yes during of relationship he was in prison at least twice during a minimum of 2 1/2 to 3 years at a time; he has been working in new orleans for about a month now and he was coming home at least once or twice a week but what got me is the fact that he came home and lied to me like he was in his room about to go to sleep in new orleans when I found out he was home and he said he wanted to surprise me but didn't even show up at my house because he claims he didn't have a ride so he said he spent the night at a co-worker's who has a family so I called the co-worker's wife and she said they went back to new orleans that's how I found out and that's when he came with his excuse it didn't add up and I would have to say we didn't really get to really know each other until about 2004 when we met in 2001 he had got incarcerated and then again in 2006 but we were already apart by then and when he was released in 2009 we didn't get back together until 2010

[tawanda28]

@jeje yes we were sexually active that is why I am upset could you please explain to me a little your input is needed because I know you know more about this than I do

[tawanda28]

@artlady I have already left him and I have been tested I didn't have any proof but it seems the signs were getting louder and I couldn't take it so I put him out and I don't think we will ever get back together because he lied and wasn't honest with me

[smoothy]

Shoot... after 10 years you should have been able to finish any sentence he starts.

Gay? Maybe not... wishy-washy (as in bi) most definitely.

But in any case you already did what you believed you had to do.

And if the relationship has deteriorated to that level... there really isn't many other places to go anyway.

[Cat1864]

So, it wasn't a steady relationship for ten years. It was in bits and pieces for ten years. That actually explains a lot.

You didn't really get to know each other and how to communicate as couple while shutting out outside influences like his friend. I get the overall impression of two people who are very different in the way they communicate and that frustration took its toll. You got out and that is the best thing you could have done for your own well-being.

As I said before, let this relationship go. Move forward with a better understanding of what you are looking for in a long term relationship and mate. Try not to hold onto the negative feelings from the past. They will only end up causing issues in any future relationship you enter into regardless of how great the next person is.