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answerme_tender · Feb 10, 2011, 03:29 PM

Well just remember that you are going to have fun, not check up on her. If she doesn't like it point towards the door and turn you back towards whoever you were talking too. Once again, this is not about HER, is about YOU having fun with YOUR friends.

Now if you are going because you know she is going to be there and this will give you and excuse to see her, etc... then you are on your own, you will only be asking for trouble.

Just make sure this trip is something that is good for you and that your willing to risk taking.

Take care

talaniman · Feb 10, 2011, 04:16 PM

You are not going home to see her, you are going to have a bang up time with friends, so wear your best party hat, and enjoy the freak out of yourself with everyone who wants to have fun. Those are all the facts you need to deal with YOUR fear of how she will react. Screw her, and what she may do. Let her remember this visit as YOU having a jolly good time and no matter what happens she can't bring you down.

You can cry like a baby in the corner when you get home. If you can't do that, stay home shaking in your boots over an ex freakin' girl, who you give the power to punk you out.

Cleavse · Feb 11, 2011, 07:14 AM

I found out she doesn't have a Valentines on Valentines Day. Do you think this is a good opportunity to show that I still care and win her back. I could send a candy bouquet to her work... today would be the last day to order them to have them shipped on V-day... or am I just being stupid...

I hear the only way she'll come back is on her own terms... but I feel like she's so stubborn and prideful, that she won't chase. I know a lot of guys try to talk to her but she doesn't give them the time of day. I really really want her back, its been 2 months... akjdslasldka

talaniman · Feb 11, 2011, 02:57 PM

I think you stay out of her business, and get about your own. Stop spying on her, or stop being influenced by your well meaning friends.

I won't say your plan is stupid,. but, sound crazy to me.

Cleavse · Feb 13, 2011, 09:51 PM

I appreciate everyone's help and listening to me vent and what not. I don't know too many people out here, and starting all over again post-college with a new career is tough. I have my good days but I also have my bumps where some days feel horrible.

Im at a stage where I'm bitter now how she left me at a time where I was struggling the most to make a transition. I found out she cuddled with my best friend. I'm not sure if that's cheating since the didn't do anything, but it's messing me up more, even though its in the past. I feel like I'm losing and she gets away with EVERYTHING since she's attractive. She can do whatever she wants, not pay for it, because no matter what, people will always talk to her because she's pretty.

Cleavse · Feb 21, 2011, 05:52 AM

I saw her this past weekend and broke down at a party, I left and punched a wall because I couldn't handle it. The following day, I was more composed. The worst thing is being in the environment and not knowing who's your friend and who's not. I found out this one friend had been going for her yet when I saw him this weekend, he was all trying to ask how I was and such.

She's still so upset at me and blames everything on me. Is there anything I can do to change her perception or her bitterness. Its been almost 3 months now, I've shown progress but its agonizing. I wake up feeling like crap, and have some of the worst days ever.

Cleavse · Mar 8, 2011, 02:13 PM

Threads merged

My ex-girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me back in December. I went no contact and she contacted me out of the blue saying she missed me a lot. She told me her other friends wasn't the same and she just wants her best friend back.

I visited her this past weekend and we acted like a couple. We ended being intimate and what not. I left her city (I live 4 hours away) and she IMed me Monday morning saying that she just wants to be friends, nothing more. She asked me to promise her I wouldn't try any moves and such and she doesn't want to hurt me more than she has.

Now, I want something MORE than just friends. I don't want to settle. I was doing FINE or making significant progress getting over her until these recent events happened. Should I keep No Contact or should I go being the friend route in hopes that she'll fall in love with me again?

Thanks everyone in advance

southamerica · Mar 8, 2011, 02:20 PM

She doesn't want anything more than friends, and I'm not sure she even wants that. What she's experiencing right now is a void that you once filled. In long term relationships, we are not only boyfriends and girlfriends, but we are confidants, therapists... we are best friends.

She has lost her romantic feelings for you and you haven't. There will be no way for you to get what you want at this point and if you don't go NC, you will just be disappointed. It's clear that you haven't let go of the hope that she'll come around--but I don't think she will.

The best thing you can do to protect yourself is go No Contact, heal, and move on. Maybe a while down the road when you are over her and she you, you can reestablish a friendship. Good luck!

talaniman · Mar 8, 2011, 03:06 PM

You aren't the first guy to fall back in the trap of an ex, but make this the last time for YOU.

Back to square one... No Contact!!

amicon · Mar 9, 2011, 12:32 AM

No contact-she rather used you I think,she probably felt lonely and possibly missed being close to someone.

Don't fall for that again,keep doing your thing,stick to nc and keep moving forward.

Cleavse · Apr 25, 2011, 06:15 PM

Threads merged

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me after a 4 year relationships. We both recently graduated from college. She wanted to be friends but I told her I couldn't be friends since my feelings for her are too strong. After that, she got upset and told me she hated me and to get out of her life forever.

Since we have mutual friends, this makes it really hard. Every single time I visit my old university (she still lives there), she always throws a fit or gets angry. I usually get angry texts and what not. I'm not sure what to do or how to react. Every single time she gets angry, I don't respond to her calls/texts and I ignore her.

I'm not trying to hurt her, I still love her very much. I just don't know what the right thing to do is. I never asked to be broken up with, but why do I feel so crappy about myself. Please help.

liljayjay · Apr 25, 2011, 06:28 PM

Be her friend for a little while then flirt with her lightly and ask the big question.the friendship should last a couple month though

vanheart · Apr 25, 2011, 09:37 PM

"My ex-girlfriend broke up with me after a 4 year relationship"

"I told her I couldn't be friends"

"After that, she got upset and told me she hated me and to get out of her life forever."

Says it all. Doesn't it?

Girls want to dump guys & still be friends. Have you give 'em love while they explore & pursue others. Thinking that's OK with you. Until they have no use, or you wake up.

Helps their guilt & egos.

Screw that, man. That's the worst. Don't be that guy.

I admire that you have the insight to tell her that. She told you, huh? Perfect.

Keep on that path. The one that moves forward, without hate, or her.

I wouldn't talk to her ever again after that statement. Go NC, buddy. The only way.

Your real true friends are your friends. Not hers. Tell them your plan.

She isn't your friend, or will ever be.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2011, 10:09 PM

You are a grown man, and can disappear from her life. That's what you do because she dumped you.

Why can't you leave her alone? That mutual friend crap doesn't work as an excuse to have nothing to do with her.