[Lemongrass]

I know this is sort of long, but I really need help from you guys. Thanks for reading in advance.

I've been seeing this guy since August 2010 and we've been in a relationship officially for a month. I couldn't address a right term to the "relationship" we had for the past few months though. We started "dating" each other in August, we did all the initimate things except for sex (which means we did everything except for intercourse). However, after we've been dating for a month, he brought over his girlfriend and his girlfriend started to throw questions at me (before that I thought he was single). So I talked to him saying that we should stop seeing each other, he didn't agree on that and neither I could let go. Then we ended up spending time with each other again. The fact that he was in a relationship put me through lots of stress in the past few months. To me, I see it as an ethical issue, I won't allow myself to date someone who is already in a relationship and neither can I accept to be his friend with benefits. Then I told him he has to be at least single to talk to me. One important thing to note is that he is a sexual being whereas I am a virgin. He likes intimacy VERY MUCH and I am not ready to have sex yet.

So anyway, at the beginning of December, he broke up with his girlfriend then asked me to be his girlfriend officially. I decided to give it a shot. He was pressuring me for sex and when I told him I am not ready to have sex with him, he thinks it's my responsibility to FIND HIM SOMEONE THAT HE CAN HAS SEX WITH. But with all the things happened in the past, they are all stuck in my mind. The fact that he can't be committed/monogamous (which is dating ONLY ONE PERSON from my perspective) hurts me a lot. I don't feel that I can accept him as a person. So I broke up with him after TWO WEEKS. After I broke up with him, we were still spending time together trying to figure things out, we still did some intimate things such as making out ( I am quite conservative, the fact that he was making out with me made me assume that we are back in a relationship again). However, I figured out that he claimed to two of his exgirlfriends that he is single. It hurt me a lot because I already assumed we were back in a relationship since we made out. Also, he had sex with a girl right away after two days of our break up.

So here is our problem, I don't think I will be ready to have sex with him soon. And I don't think that he will be able to wait. I talked to him about it, I wanted him to wait half a year (which is till I finish my undergrad). He said he will try to do his best (but deep down both of us know that he can't wait since he is really really into intimacy). I asked him if he can promise me that he does NOT make out/have sex with anyone else except for me. He couldn't make such a promise. (No one knows about the future, that's his words.) So The current situation is I broke up with him yesterday because he couldn't make such a promise and I know I am not okay with the fact that he can't be monogamous. Last night he came over to my place and we were trying to figure out a solution to our relationship. (So far I believe he sees himself as single).

FYI, he is 30 and I am 23.

Do you guys think that I should give him one more chance trying to work things out?

[jesse2]

You have given him so many chances and he keeps letting you down, which he will still do. There is no way this guy can be only committed to you, he's proven that. It might hurt for awhile if you end things with him, but if you stay with him, he will only continue to hurt you, which is just going to even hurt you more in the long run. I mean I can't say for sure he won't commit, but from what he's done and said thus far, I wouldn't count on it. Move on, you'll get over it after awhile and who knows what's out there waiting for you! Good luck!

[kaka67]

This boy is such a loser. I won't call him a man because a real man can keep it in his pants for the woman he loves.

Please keep your virginity and lose it when you are ready.

[martinizing2]

I cannot believe you are even considering giving him another chance.

He has lied to you and the other girls he is/was/will be with in order to fulfill his needs , showing no respect or consideration for anyone but himself.

And since you will not have sex with him , he thinks you should find him a partner?! And you didn't kick him to the curb ? You seem to have not much in the way of self respect.

He will not commit to being only with you shows that he intends to keep playing the field while stringing you along.

If you continue with this guy you are asking for pain , heartache , and humiliation .

Kick this selfish liar to the curb and find a real man who can show you enough respect to consider your feelings and be honest with you.
It should not be any trouble at all to find a better man than this one.

[neverme]

Ah come on?

You say it's an ethical issue you? Well it is and your ethical obligation is to yourself. This man doesn't treat you properly. Lets just look at the facts here: When you first started seeing each other he was with someone else. Then he draws her into this mess, then, after a prolongued time! he breaks up with her. (And here, I'm thinking you had continued contact between the mess with his girlfriend and your getting together, no?) Then you get together, and he pressures you for sex, and by the way, and I by no means mean this offensively, calling sex intimacy doesn't allow it any higher plane. Pressure regarding sex is not right and does not indicate a good relationship: EVER!

A solution is that you build your self-esteem before getting into another relationship and leave this loser now.

All the Best :)

[answerme_tender]

First of all a real man NEVER has to pressure a woman into sex. Nor would a real man make you feel that sex is what makes a real adult relationship. This guy that you have let into your life is no more then a notch predator. If you have never heard of that phrase it means where they will say anything to get you to sleep with them, so they can make a notch in bed post. They don't want, nor have any idea what a real committed relationship is. You need to keep in mind that if a guy will cheat on their so called girlfriend to go out with you, then they will NOT hesitate to do samething to you when they see their next NOTCH potential!!

So answer to your question of giving him another chance--my response is do you really think he wants another chance at a relationship--Hello---he doesn't want that--he wants in your pants!! So unless your wanting to sleep with him, then you don't need to really question if you should give him another chance. Even if you sleep with him, it won't last long, remember he is only interested in one thing!!

You obviously have strong conviction of who you are and what you want, don't let this piece convience you to give all that up to become nothing more then one of his notches. Take care

[ironhide262]

You are a very naïve girl. This guy has no intentions of pursuing a real relationship with you. Answerme is right this guy is just a husler. No, no chance... tell him to hit the road.

Find someone that matches your values.

[talaniman]

It hurt me a lot because I already assumed we were back in a relationship since we made out. Also, he had sex with a girl right away after two days of our break up... Do you guys think that I should give him one more chance trying to work things out?

You are doing the hurting to yourself, first by assuming, and then by ignoring all the facts in front of your face. Maje it so bad, you justify it by the absurd excuse of,

So I talked to him saying that we should stop seeing each other, he didn't agree on that and neither I could let go.

And that why you are even in such a situation like this. Stop making decisions with your heart, and make them with your head. Then you would know that all he wants to do is bust your cherry for the very first time, and loves having sex with anything that allows it. This is a no brainer, because you are as caught up in the physical aspects of a relationship as he is, and assume it means something, it does, LUST!!

You better learn the difference before you hurt yourself Miss Virgin who does everything to do with sex except intercourse, or you will be mislead by your own lust down path you may not like. Its hard lesson to learn so you better listen to ALL the advice given. Lust fades, love grows, without the sex.

Let him go, once and for all, and be very wary of doing the everything except have intercourse in the future. It's that will keep fellows like this chasing after your body. Do you really need, or want that kind of attention from a male? Think about it.

[Lemongrass]

When I said that he's cheating, he told me that he was not because he hinted explicitly that there is another girl (this is also his words). He said cheating is doing something at the back, so his words is, he was not cheating because he was honest about it. Grrr

[talaniman]

There you go, why give a guy who doesn't think he is doing wrong, but you thin he is, a second chance? Make sense to you? Me either!

[hunnypooh97]

This guy is a big loser.. all he wants is to sleep around with women.. and the fact that you are a virgin makes this dog wants you more.. but just for your body.. u have to leave him now or you will end up hurting yourself...

[kaka67]

Once you have sex with him he'll walk out the door and you'll never see him again.

Because that is all he wants.

If you think I'm wrong then sleep with him and let us know how you go...
(With him leaving, not the other stuff... :eek:)