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Jenn71704 · Jan 7, 2011, 01:54 PM

My brother is getting married in a few months and I was just told that I'm not allowed at the rehearsel dinner since I'm not in the wedding party. I will admit that my feelings are hurt but I always thought that the siblings of the bride and groom were included in the rehearsal dinner. Am I wrong?

ebaines · Jan 7, 2011, 02:13 PM

Remember that the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's family, so it's up to them to determine who to invite. There are no hard-and-fast rules. Some people like to keep it small, with just the bridal party and parents - perhaps because of cost, or space, or... well just because. There is no rule that says the brother(s) and sister(s) of the groom must be invited. Perhaps they feel that if they invite you then they have to invite your spouse, your other siblings, the bride's siblings and their spouses or significant others, etc etc. You can see that the size of the dinner can quickly spiral out of control.

Please do not let your feelings be hurt. Respect their decision to limit the dinner to just the bridal party. I suggest you and the other relatives who are not invited make your own plans, and look forward to meeting up with the bridal party afterwards.

Jake2008 · Jan 7, 2011, 06:12 PM

Call me old fashioned, but I would have presumed that the rehearsal dinner would have included siblings.

All you can do is assume that the dinner is for 'just' the wedding party, and other guests are not included, including family.

Sad. If money were the problem, a pot luck after the rehearsal at a relative's house would have solved the problem, and not left anybody out.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 7, 2011, 09:07 PM

In most of the weddings I go to, only those in the wedding party are at the dinner.

But to be honest, fewer and fewer couples are having the rehearsal dinner, And many are even cutting the rehearsal itself back.

Not to want to make it sound over simple, but they walk up the isle and stand there and say yes or I do.

Over a year I may do a hundred or more weddings a year, I doubt if 10 percent of them even have a rehearsal any more.

Picassa · Feb 9, 2011, 11:14 AM

I wouldn't take it personally, because traditionally, only the parents, the couple, and those in the wedding party are included in the rehearsal dinner. Child attendants are optional, and if included are always accompanied by an adult/parents.

Siblings, uncles, aunts, and cousins are not usually included unless they are in the wedding party.

What some people do to solve this problem is to have another event during the week that includes all of the family such as a brunch, a casual no-host get together after the rehearsal dinner (at a bar or nightclub), a golf tournament, a barbecue at a park, etc.

Best wishes to you!

LearningAsIGo · Feb 9, 2011, 11:50 AM

Was their decision based on the budget?

We hosted a rehearsal dinner for bridal party & family because many of DH's aunts/uncles came 500+ miles to attend and we wanted to include them/feed them for their trouble. We had very little money though, so that was basically just pizza/pop in the hotel meeting room.

If it's a financial burden to them, don't take it personally. Sometimes we have to save $ where we can.

dontknownuthin · Feb 14, 2011, 10:58 AM

My friends and family always include the immediate family (parents and siblings, and at mine, my grandmother was included) of both the bride and groom, whether they are in the wedding or not. I think you're right to feel a little snubbed and hurt but would let it go - one day it will be your wedding and you'll be able to invite who you like.

JudyKayTee · Feb 14, 2011, 11:42 AM

My stepson got married and pretty much invited EVERYBODY to the reception dinner. I couldn't see the purpose because it was like a wedding reception before the wedding, followed by a wedding, followed by ANOTHER reception. By that time every toast had been given, everybody had enough to drink... and the cost was shocking!

dontknownuthin · Feb 17, 2011, 10:46 AM

I have to agree, Judy, that it's crazy when you invite half the wedding guest list - immediate family (parents, siblings, perhaps grandparents) and the wedding party should pretty much be it. I know some people invite out of town guests but I don't think that's necessary unless they are staying with the family of the bride or groom.