[spencer1161968]

Hey there,

I will be 43 years old in January 16th. I feel like crying. No one ever really liked me, but then again I have always hated myself. I was never attractive, I was extreemly bad in sports, I was never good in socializing, because of my weight my penis is small,and not only that I premature ejauclate. So sexually I'm also a looser. I tend to be smart but no one listens to me. I used to allow myself to be taken advantage of I don't anymore. It's like I always want to be alone. When I was out I never trusted anyone, and if someone was my friend I was too needy on them. I've lived a life alone. I was taught in theraphy from Dr. Albert Ellis himself in NYC That I don't need anyone all you need in life is food water and shelter. As long as I don't get involved with people I can keep a sound mind. The other day scared me.

I am friends with this married couple who has a 3 year old son who I really love very much. They made me his uncle. I hardly see the child because they live in another state. Anytime I was there the child always played with me, came up to me and so on. These people came down for the holiday on vacation and hardly spent time with me because they were visiting there family. (that within it's self pissed me off because I flew up there 4 times this year) I have decided that I'm not going to say anything but I'm also not going up there to visit again. Anyway I was invited to 2 family parties and the 3 year old kid never came up to me. That devistated me so much that I had to leave. I spoke about this and it was said that this kid had not seen his family for almost a year and I shouldn't allow a 3 year old to control my emotions so much and I should not be using this child as an emotional crutch.

Bottom line is all my life My mom can only talk about herself, Dad doesn't take my issues seriously, I feel rejected all of the time I got so used to it that I just felt it is just better to be left alone because when I'm alone nothing triggers that depression or deep hurt or anger. IT's the only way I know how to survive. I'm sick and tired of living my life this way. I do work I have a one man computer business that I do well in. but that's all I have. It keeps the depression away but when there is nothing to do it hit's me. Sometimes I do dive into a weird addiction at a very young age when I didn't hit it off with a girl I've gone into gay sex clubs and even though I am scared of it (IM EXTREEMLY CAREFUL) I just use this as a way to get off. I really don'lt do much sexually with a guy to get him off all I'm really there for is to get off.

My expereince with women emotionally have been horrable. It was control issues, your not good enough issues, money issues, and of course good looking women want money and a very attractive guy. Well I don't fit in so wherever I can get off I just do.

As I said I hate my life. I have no one to talk to about this. I guess I'm looking to be saved I know that won't happen I can only save myself. But I need some human contact even if it's in text. I'm always helping others on the job, or listening to my mother about bull **** like a 15 explantion of how amazed she is that one supermarket looks better than the other or her medical illensses. I need someone for me. I know there is not much to say other than get help I've been to therapy for 30 years I know what's appropertate or not. In fact other people think Im the best therapist in the world. But man I need someone for me. Just to say I heard you and not put me down.

[Wondergirl]

I'm here and have read what you wrote.

I don't recall that Dr. Ellis said that the basics of food, water, and shelter are ALL you need in life. Actually, those things are at the bottom (the foundation, most basic) of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The highest need is unconditional love, which you desire very much. By the way, I'm impressed that you had the opportunity to be in therapy with Dr. Ellis.

There are some good and effective ways to receive unconditional love. Volunteer at least two hours a week at an animal shelter. Walk the dogs, groom and socialize the cats, and help all of the animals become more adoptable. Whatever love and care you give to them, you will get back in spades! Or, near me are two horse rescue farms. Is there one near you? That would be another place to volunteer at.

Also, volunteers are needed at your local public library, at a hospital in your area, at a nursing home, and even in your neighborhood. Perhaps an limited-income elderly neighbor needs a personal grocery shopper or a light housekeeper/handyman, not for pay but as a volunteer. If you don't know of such a person, ask at your village senior center for an interview to be put on their list of available helpers. I used to visit a blind man once a week and read his mail to him, and then we'd just chat over coffee at his kitchen table. He'd watched an certain Illinois politician grow up from babyhood (his neighbor's daughter), so he had some fascinating stories to tell!

What do you think?

[spencer1161968]

Volnteering is a start I will need to explore what interests me and based on my schudle because for my business. But thanks.

[peepers]

Hi you sound very alone, but only you can make a change if your life is not what you want it to be. You have to take the first step to pave your life in the direction you want it to go. I f you just go to work and go home and don't apply yourself to socializing then you won't have any friends, unless you enjoy being by yourself. I myself am a loner I like to be by myself, but sounds like you want to get out there and hang out and socialize. Volunteeering is a good ideal but not for everyone, but there are clubs you can join, your local comm. Center or a bowling league, also if you are religious church can give you support. Overall you are thinking too much just get out there and live your life you only get one chance! Try and look at the positive things in life and not the negative, find a hobby. My saying is if I have no control over it I'm not going to worry about it and as far as a boyfriend or girlfriend there is some one out there for everyone.. I have faith in you but only YOU make this happen.. good luck

[Wondergirl]

Volunteeering is a good ideal but not for everyone

Volunteering IS for everyone. Does your elderly neighbor need help with getting his garbage out every Monday morning? That's volunteering. Do you feed a stray cat every day and even trap him and take him to a vet to be neutered, and then keep feeding him afterwards? That's volunteering. Do you set up a bird feeding station and keep it clean and well-stocked? That's volunteering. Do you slip a ten dollar bill to the homeless guy sitting on the park bench at the corner? That's volunteering. Whenever you help any of "the least of these," someone who needs your help in some way, that's volunteering, giving freely and cheerfully of your time and talents.

[peepers]

No I don't do any of those things.. if I see a stray I call animal control they will find it a home, I don't have a elderley neighbor, don't pay attention to birds and we have homless shelters heere in my town and they need to get a job..

[belgia]

I heard you.

[asking]

Spencer, I agree with wondergirl that you really need some human contact. Helping others even in very small ways feels good. It's a start but an important one.

Your loneliness is not good for you and there are ways out of it. But you have to start talking to people on a regular basis. It doesn't sound like you are ready for a real relationship now, but that doesn't mean you won't be in the future.

[belgia]

How about mentoring or something positive? You appreciate children. You could mentor at a local school or check with YMCA or soc svcs to see if they need mentors unless there is some other reason you cannot. There are so many social groups avail.

[belgia]

Better yet... just go to the YMCA yourself and hang out. There are a lot of activities and opportunities through the organization and it is VERY non-threatening.