[Yagita]

People pleasers hurt a lot when they find out someone doesn't like them. Avoid being a people pleaser.

You need no one's approval but your own.
Looking for a friend?
Try looking in the mirror.
You are your own best friend.
You need only trust and love yourself for others to trust and love you.
You are stronger than you think.

Be the grown up here - wish them well and move on.

[jack jackson]

Who knows the more things change the more they stay the same life is a rainbow of adventure anchored in gold its only natural to be a little curious and it will always be those that we remember the most the ones who made us laugh and the ones who made us cry and coming from a male perspective if its consolation he dreams of you for every second that he's with her its not hard to let our emotions control our actions the truth becomes so easily distorted that nobody knows what to say or what to do in the end nobody wins nobody loses after all were just two humans being everyday a new star is born and today that one was you...

[daisydew]

I'm having another one of those jealous filled days... Most of the frequenters here know that my boyfriend dumped me and quickly moved on to a new girl that he knew while him and I were together.

We had so many plans together. Today I discovered pictures online from a trip that him and I were supposed to take together that he took with her instead. I'm still just sooo incredibly jealous that he was able to move on so fast. Doesn't he even think about how that trip was supposed to be with me and him? I'm trying so hard not to be jealous about them. I try to think that I'm the strong one because I'm not codependent, and I didn't need to rush into another relationship. It's just so hard to see him so happy with another girl while I'm stuck thinking about him all the time. Any tips for getting over jealousy?

[kaitou]

My only tip for you is to stop thinking about him. Thinking about him won't do you any good, so stop torturing yourself over him :(. I'm going through the same thing you are, and I told myself, while I'm busy being sad about him. He's moving on, and doesn't think about me at all. I'm just out of his life.

So I should relieve myself from the pain, and try my hardest to make myself happy. And that is to stop thinking about the ex.

[ForeverZero]

Patience, you've lost the battle, but you'll win the war.

[s_cianci]

Obviously you were more vested in the relationship than he was. It always hurts to come to that realization. However, don't automatically assume that he's so blissfully happy. You may have answered your own question in that he may indeed be codependent. If that's the case then he's far worse off than you and despite appearances right now is only going to end up miserable.

[talaniman]

Stop thinking about him, and worry about you. Get busy as you have way too much time on your hands if your thoughts are still in the past.

[daisydew]

I've been thinking a lot about unhealthy relationships lately. Looking back on my past relationship, I can now see all the things that were unhealthy about it. He was off giving other girls tons of attention. I was unable to enjoy sex with him because I knew so much info about his ex girlfriend's and his sex life. Most importantly, for about the last 6 months I remember wanting to break up with him. I even tried to break up with him at one point, but he convinced me to stay in the relationship. So after that I just told myself I would hold onto him until I found something better. I know that sounds so horrible. I'm so confused now why it broke my heart so much when he broke up with me. I mean I was the one that wanted to break up months ago! So that's a little confusing to me.

About the unhealthy relationships though... I was talking to a girlfriend and she mentioned that she was holding onto her boyfriend until something better came along. She said she knew that there was someone better for her out there.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is a common theme? Do a lot of people stick with someone even though they feel like there could be someone else better for them out there? It seems so hurtful. I felt really bad when I was thinking I was just holding onto my boyfriend until something better came along, but then I was absolutely DEVASTATED when he broke up with me.

[Bluerose]

Improve Your Relationships


The Power of Thought

Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him or her when you meet him or her.


The Power of Respect

You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself: "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself: "What do I respect about them?"


The Power of Giving

If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.


The Power of Friendship

To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.


The Power of Touch

Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.


The Power of Letting Go

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was." Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts, and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me-today is the beginning of a new life."


The Power of Communication

When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and.. . why are you waiting?


The Power of Commitment

If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.


The Power of Passion

Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.


The Power of Trust

Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself: "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", then you must think very carefully before you make any type of a commitment.

[Ria100]

I've been thinking a lot about unhealthy relationships lately. Looking back on my past relationship, I can now see all the things that were unhealthy about it. He was off giving other girls tons of attention. I was unable to enjoy sex with him because I knew so much info about his ex girlfriend's and his sex life. Most importantly, for about the last 6 months I remember wanting to break up with him. I even tried to break up with him at one point, but he convinced me to stay in the relationship. So after that I just told myself I would hold onto him until I found something better. I know that sounds so horrible. I'm so confused now why it broke my heart so much when he broke up with me. I mean I was the one that wanted to break up months ago! So that's a little confusing to me.

About the unhealthy relationships though...I was talking to a girlfriend and she mentioned that she was holding onto her boyfriend until something better came along. She said she knew that there was someone better for her out there.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is a common theme? Do a lot of people stick with someone even though they feel like there could be someone else better for them out there? It seems so hurtful. I felt really bad when I was thinking I was just holding onto my boyfriend until something better came along, but then I was absolutely DEVASTATED when he broke up with me.

Ever heard of the term - don't settle for second best? Why would you want to drag something or be in a relationship just for the heck of it? Relationship is about not just being together, its about being there for each other. Not to take each other for granted AND the most important thing is to give it time, nuture it -work on how to make it better every passing day. Its about getting to know each other at a greater level. If you cannot find that satisfaction, you'd do yourself and the man a favor by calling it off.

[rol]

<Do a lot of people stick with someone even though they feel like there could be someone else better for them out there?>

Nope I've never stuck with someone who treated me bad. One sign of it and I was gone.
Better to be alone than miserable with someone!

[Bluerose]

"Nope ive never stuck with someone who treated me bad. One sign of it and i was gone."

I agree. I came from an abusive home and I swore no man would ever lift his hand to me again.

[daisydew]

Well, after 2 months of no contact, my ex decided to call me today to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't answer, but he left me a message that started just like old times. He was using his little cute voice, but then he got to the end and started talking about how I won't talk to him anymore and he got really bitter sounding... haha which is pretty funny to me. Anyway, I started crying just because it was weird to hear his voice and it made me miss him again. I'm being strong, and I'm not calling him back though! He doesn't deserve to talk to me : )

The weird thing is he had already sent me a message 3 days ago to wish me a "happy early birthday" which I also didn't respond to. I keep telling myself that he can't be that happy with his new girlfriend if he feels the need to wish me multiple happy birthdays LOL.

Anyway, just venting, thanks for listening!

[VADawg]

Good for you for not calling him back and staying strong. It does sound to me like he's missing you right now and wants you to break down and call him.

[Skell]

Good to vent here. Well don't. You've overcome another hurdle in your healing process.

There are more to come but you are proving to be quite good at soldiering on through them.

Stick to your path and don't worry about him. Your doing great!

[kaitou]

Good for you! :)

[daisydew]

Hi again everyone! I haven't been on here for quite awhile. I posted here awhile ago about my ex boyfriend who broke up with me almost 7 months ago. I kept trying to contact him until February when I finally listened to all you wonderful people who told me about no-contact. I have not contacted him since mid-February.. almost 5 months!
Since then he's started calling and sending me messages on Facebook. I blocked him on Facebook and I haven't returned any of his calls. He called me a few days ago and left a message asking if I wanted to go to the fair with him. (Kind of a bizarre question since I haven't talke to him in 5 months... ) Anyway, he basically acted like nothing has ever happened and even used his cute little boyfriend voice. Of course I didn't call back, but I've just been really missing him now. I've been thinking about him almost constantly since he called and I've been feeling a little depressed. Part of me just really wants to hang out with him because I still miss him a lot, but I know nothing good would come from hanging out with him. Part of me just wants to call and chew him out because we he sent me a message on Facebook I could suddenly see his profile again. I saw he already has a new girlfriend, and has posted way more pictures of them together than he ever posted with me. He lied to my friend awhile ago saying he had no girlfriend and he really missed me. So a big part of me just wants to call and be like I know you're lying to me! I know you have a girlfriend! And it hurts me that you put up so many more pictures of you two together than you ever put up of me and you. Haha but I know that's childish and wouldn't get me anywhere either.
So this is basically just half a rant/I was wondering what you all think about the whole thing. I mean, I should call and hang out with him right?? Nothing good would come from it? Should I just do no-contact with him for the rest of my life? No contact has made everything much more bearable for me... Thank you for any input!

[SAB123]

I would not contact him. By you doing this you are giving him reason to keep contacting you. I would change your phone # it's been five months you should be pretty healty to get back on your feet again. But no let him always wonder about you.

[AliMarGoo]

Hi again everyone! I haven't been on here for quite awhile. I posted here awhile ago about my ex boyfriend who broke up with me almost 7 months ago. I kept trying to contact him until February when I finally listened to all you wonderful people who told me about no-contact. I have not contacted him since mid-February..almost 5 months!
Since then he's started calling and sending me messages on facebook. I blocked him on facebook and I haven't returned any of his calls. He called me a few days ago and left a message asking if I wanted to go to the fair with him. (Kind of a bizarre question since I haven't talke to him in 5 months...) Anyway, he basically acted like nothing has ever happened and even used his cute little boyfriend voice. Of course I didn't call back, but I've just been really missing him now. I've been thinking about him almost constantly since he called and I've been feeling a little depressed. Part of me just really wants to hang out with him because I still miss him a lot, but I know nothing good would come from hanging out with him. Part of me just wants to call and chew him out because we he sent me a message on facebook I could suddenly see his profile again. I saw he already has a new girlfriend, and has posted way more pictures of them together than he ever posted with me. He lied to my friend awhile ago saying he had no girlfriend and he really missed me. So a big part of me just wants to call and be like I know you're lying to me! I know you have a girlfriend! and it hurts me that you put up so many more pictures of you two together than you ever put up of me and you. Haha but I know that's childish and wouldn't get me anywhere either.
So this is basically just half a rant/I was wondering what you all think about the whole thing. I mean, I should call and hang out with him right??? Nothing good would come from it? Should I just do no-contact with him for the rest of my life? No contact has made everything much more bearable for me... Thank you for any input!

I was in a similar situation that you are in about a year ago. The best advice I can give you is to let him go COMPLETELY. No contact at all. Everytimg he calls, or sends you a message it will stir up emotions that you have been trying to shut out. Seeing him even if "just to hang out" will only make things worse. I hope this helps. And good luck to you. I know how hard it can be when you truly love someone, but believe me, it gets easier everyday if you just let go.

[daisydew]

Thank you. Yeah I know deep down I just need to stay out of contact with him. Thank you for the reassurance!