[elmarjoe]

My story is that my mother raised me on welfare until I was 15 years old, and then she threw me on the street to fend for myself. When I was growing up she drank all the time. And I took care of my two sisters. Because she was never coherent as to what was going on. My question is why did she do this, never to do anything for me again. I have tried to do everything I can throughout the years to communicate with her, but she has kept her distance from me. Never to do anything with me again. It has also passed on to my children, she has never even sent a card to either of them. Or tried to contact them in any way. My daughter will be turning 17 and she has never communicated with her or my son. She is my mother and I love her. But I do not see any love from her toward myself or my children. Its almost 35 years now, what did I do to diserve this allien nation from her. Also she has never revield to me the name of my grandmother or any other outside family members. Its been very hard on me for so many years. And I always ask why, I do not understand it. Can this ever be answered before I pass on.

[joypulv]

I'm so sorry. You sound like someone who has risen above all that and given love to your children. That's a miraculous feat.
It's possible that your mother may talk to you before she dies, for instance if she has to be in a nursing home someday and can't drink. But she may never want to or may not remember, or may die too soon. She may in some way be thinking she's protecting you from some horrible truth, such as who might be the father if rape was involved. Or she might have been raised in an environment similar to what she raised you in and just never knew anything else or how to transcend it.
One thing you could do is some detective work, starting with copies of your birth certificates and your sisters' if they want to be part of this. There's a small chance a father is listed. You can try to find a record of your mother's birth, or working on her last name, use ancestry.com or just Google to find a family. It might feel good just to make the effort even if you find nothing. Many people do find interesting information.
Good luck.

[Devorameira]

You've definitely had a rough life, but it seems that you've survived and thrived. Congratualtions!

Is your mom still an alcoholic? If she is that could be the reason she hasn't taken any interest in you and your family.

If your father isn't listed on your birth certificate, you might try asking around. You might be able to find family or some of her old friends that may remember who she was dating around the period that she got pregnant.

Good luck on your venture.

[answerme_tender]

Elmarjoe,

My was raised with extremely abusive father and I also had question as to: how someone could do this to a child--why me--what could I do to make him love me enough not to hurt me, etc...

I tried for most of my life trying to get this man's love, when I finally realized that I didn't need it. I looked at my children and realized that I finally had the greatest love that anyone could ever expect to have!!

I new that my father just threw that love I tried to give him away, he never just accepted it and cherish it for whatever reasons. But it was no longer my issue to try and figure it out. Life is way to short to waste wondering why others just throw away what is given to them freely.

I have brothers who are alcoholics, and the one is all alone, and he is just so miserable with his life that he has chosen to blame everyone else but him and his addition. He life never turned out the way he wanted, he was the star athlete in the family, the smartest,best looking, blah,blah,blah, so when he just didn't turn out to be the perfect star that our parent bragged him up to be in College, he started the drinking. By time he was 30, he was already a drunk!! He married, but only lasted 8months, she couldn't stand living with mean drunk. So now he is all alone in his life,except guess who, why his father who put him on that pedastal!!

Your mother is a drunk, she has only 1 love in life and that is her addiction. She doesn't want to face you or even your children. Why, she would have to face her demons. How she has always put that addiction first in her life, even over her own children!!

Its hurtful when you don't get that unconditional love as a child, and its something you can't really get across to someone who hasn't lived it themselves. We can't change it, nor can we change them, but we can live for our children and they life we have made for ourselves. Be even more thankful for what we have!!

I would try getting ahold of any of your school records---see what information she listed on there. If you know your mothers full name and date of birth, and state she was born in you could also send to that state for a copy of her birth certificate, that will have her parents info--atleast her mothers.