[Druid]

The words of a song I have heard.

"Got to get back where I used to be, stop messing with her memory"

In other words, you were a whole person with a life before you met her, you are a whole person with a life now. That is why it is So So So important that you have a life outside of the relationship and that your SO adds to and compliments that life, so that if you part, you still have your life, all you have lost is the positive emotional rewards of A) being in a relationship. B) the emotional interest of someone who is of value to you.

So therefore, once you have gone through the heartbreak, i.e. the adjust meant to the loss of the emotional interest and loss of emotional benefits. 100% aided by No Contact. You are back to where you were.

WANTING SOMEONE SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE... BUT NOT NEEDING IT, you will continue to live without a SO, but sometimes the want feels like a need.

(note: this is when you bump into your ex and they fancy you again!)..

So at this stage all you need to feel better is a relationship with another person who is of value to you.

i.e.. THE BEST WAY TO FALL OUT OF LOVE IS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Remember that what one girl has physically so has another. The only difference is how they treat you ! And lets face it, your ex did not treat you that well, because they did not consider your feelings enough to work through the problems in the relationship, but instead put you through HELL!

Is that a selfish, person or WHAT !

[talaniman]

Not sure I agree with everything you wrote,

In other words, you were a whole person with a life before you met her, you are a whole person with a life now. That is why it is So So So important that you have a life outside of the relationship and that your SO adds to and compliments that life, so that if you part, you still have your life, all you have lost is the positive emotional rewards of A) being in a relationship. B) the emotional interest of someone who is of value to you.

But this I can go along with.

[momincali]

I see what you're saying Druid, but I do think that when you have finally found that one person you are supposed to be with and have a deep, founded commitment with, it's important to not only want that person, but to need them also. I'm talking about a relationship with the person who will be your life long partner, not just a significant other. You lean on them, they lean on you. When you have someone like that in your life, the safety and security abound. I think the key is that although you need them, not to believe that they are your sole reason for living and give you the ability to live. Personally I think that the only one you can have a relationship like that is with God because he is forever faithful.