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tinkerbell77 · Jan 9, 2007, 10:52 AM

I have a delivery question. I am having my 3rd baby in April. I am a very shy person when it comes to the delivery room. And a very firm beleiver that only my husband and doctors and nurses should be in the room. This is my husbands first child, and he isn't one for the blood and all. So he is afraid that he won't make it threw the delivery. Every time he say's this around a friend of ours, she pipes up and say's "I already know I'll be the one in there helping!". And has stated over and over how she wants to be in the room. How do I kindly tell her that she isn't welcome in the delivery room? Or do I leave it to the nurses at the time?

pluckyflamingo · Jan 9, 2007, 10:55 AM

Either way you are in a Catch 22. She may be understanding or she may not. Also it depends on how the hospital restrictons because they may not allow her in there. But if you don't feel comfortable letting her know then you can just do it the nurse way

nwsflash · Jan 9, 2007, 10:58 AM

I think if this person is a good friend of your families then they should not take issue if you are honest and state your point to them clear, you need to have a good talk with this other person and set the record straight and tell them you do not wan't them in the room with you !

As for your husband I'm sure that he will hold up and be OK with the birth. Good luck with everything, hope everything turns good for you.

J_9 · Jan 9, 2007, 11:45 AM

First, you can try and explain to her that since the baby was conceived in private with you and your husband, you would like the birth to be just as special and, though you thank her for her offer, you feel more comfortable not having any other family or friends present.

Then, while in the hospital, make use of the nurses. That is what they are there for. Let them know of your feelings and when the blessed time gets near they will surely usher everyone but your hubby out of the room. If you choose not to have anyone in the room for the entire labor, then let the nurses know upon arrival. Believe me they deal with this all the time. And good luck to you.

buggage · Jan 9, 2007, 02:56 PM

I was in a bit of the same predicament with my mother in law. Since my family was all the way across the country, she kept offering to stay in the delivery room with me and my husband. I did not at all feel comfortable with my mother in law, or anyone other then the doctors and my hubby, being in the room. I politely told her that I would prefer that it was just Jeff and the doctors, as it was easier to concentrate on the beauty and wonder of the birth of my child, if the room wasn't full of people. To me, if she was in there, there would be a sense of urgency and expectancy, her waiting to see the baby, and a feeling of being rushed. Plus I didn't want anyone to see my baby, and try to hold him before my hubby and I had a chance to privately bond with him. Its a special moment that should be private to just the two of you, if you wish. In my child birth class, the nurses let us know that if we wanted to allow family to be in there in the beginning, but when the labor got too intense, or the family too annoying to be in there haha, that we should just ask them for a glass of orange juice. This was their code word for " please clear everyone out of the room" They would then step in, and tell the family that it was time for them to leave until after the baby was born. That way the family wasn't insulted, and you didn't have to deal with it. ;0) I loved that idea.

buggage · Jan 9, 2007, 02:58 PM

Ps. I think your husband will be fine in the delivery room. My husband was a little worried about the same thing, but when the time came, he was so concentrated on helping me through it to the goal, that he did just fine. He just concentrated on me, and didn't watch the actual laboring process down below too often.;0) when the time comes, he will be more concerned for you and the baby, then the blood. And there usually isn't gushes of blood everywhere anyway.

nwsflash · Jan 9, 2007, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by buggage

ps. I think your husband will be fine in the delivery room. my husband was a little worried about the same thing, but when the time came, he was so concentrated on helping me through it to the goal, that he did just fine. He just concentrated on me, and didnt watch the actual laboring process down below too often.;0) when the time comes, he will be more concerned for you and the baby, then the blood. And there ususally isnt gushes of blood everywhere anyways.

I agree, when my first child was born I was out of my mind about what I would see and what would be going on etc, but when the time came something just kicks in and makes everything OK.. . I do have to be honest my legs didn't stop shacking for age, but I think that was down to the adrenaline rush of my first child being born, it is something that I would not have missed for all the world, and I'm pleased we had a really nice, helpful midwife that even got me taking part cutting the cord etc.

tinkerbell77 · Jan 16, 2007, 12:07 PM

I had a heart to heart with my friend this weekend. I just explained that this is a special moment and I would enjoy her being at the hospital, but NOT in the room. Cause that is a private moment for me and my husband. And that if my husband doesn't make it threw, I would rather it just be me and the docs. She was still pushy and insisted she wouldn't look. But that isn't my point at all. I just don't want any one in the room because I feel it's a private moment. So does any one know if the nurses are good about escorting everyone out of the room and making sure everyone stay's out?? I guess I'll ask my doc at the next appointment.
I had both my other children at a base hospital and no family or friends lived in the area at the time. So we didn't have this issue.

kholloway · Jan 16, 2007, 12:20 PM

The nurses know that what ever the woman in labor says, goes. If you want someone out, they will make sure they get out and stay out. If the preson gets pushy about staying, the nurse will tell them that they can get out, or they will call security.

buggage · Jan 16, 2007, 12:40 PM

Nurses are usually pretty good about it. You just have to make sure that you tell them ahead of time, so they know what your preferences are. You can always give the nurses a code word that will signal them that you want them to have everyone leave. (like my orange juice suggestion) And you can always wait to even let your friend and other family members etc. know that you are in labor until after you are already there, or even already delivered. She really can't be upset at you for not letting her know ahead of time, as you and hubby will obviously have more important things on your mind. ;0)You can just let her know that you appreciate her friendship, but her being pushy about this important event in your lives is really stressing you out, and you just need her to respect your wishes.

nicolelynn2 · Feb 9, 2007, 05:33 PM

I had the worst experience with the same situation, my mother in law didn't talk to me for 3 months afterwards because I didn't let her in the room, and she even tried to sneak in... just sit whoever it is down and kindly explain that this is his first child and that you want to experience the birth of your child together... it's a special bonding moment for you too

tinkerbell77 · Feb 12, 2007, 07:30 AM

Thank you all for the suggestions. I think I will continue to make sure she knows that she won't be in the room. I've had several other friends suggest that we don't call tell after the baby is delivered. But I don't know if my husband will go for that idea? He did say IF I go in to labor in the middle of the night he wouldn't call friends tell morning. So that can always be a hope too! I was also thinking if it happened during the day while everyone is at work that would be better to. But babies are unprodictable.

buggage · Feb 12, 2007, 07:50 AM

There is nothing more distracting when you are trying to deliver your baby, then people calling to see if you are done yet,(once they know you are going in to deliver, they just can't seem to stand the wait, as though you wouldn't want to let them know as soon as your baby is there.)During my labor, I was trying to push, and the phone kept ringing off the hook. It was very frustrating and distracting. This time around, no one will know that I am going into labor until I already have delivered(except for my mom who lives a couple states away and will be traveling down to help out.) In the end, you really need to make sure you do what is in your best interest, and in baby's. Stress and distraction in the delivery room can call for a long frustrating labor. It isn't rude to just wait until baby has arrived to call. Remember, this is your family, and you are the ones with the decisions to make about what is best for your family, no matter what others think. Good luck! When are you due again?? I've got three months left.

tinkerbell77 · Feb 12, 2007, 07:57 AM

I think the phone calls would be frustrating. I know my husband wants to call his family because they live about 10 hours away. They want to jump in the car. They will probably miss the delivery, considering my first was 6 hours and my second 8. But you never know? I figure driving in the car or waiting in the waiting room when they get the word will be no different. The only thing with our friends was that we were going to ask that they keep a eye on the older kids while I'm in labor. So this past week I found another friend to watch them. Actually I found 2 just in case. That way IF my husband agree's they will be friends that will get called right after the delivery.
I am due the end of April. We are getting very excited!! But it still seems so far away!

buggage · Feb 12, 2007, 08:31 AM

Yeah good idea! Finding friends that are trustworthy to not only watch your kids, but to let you have some peace and quiet to enjoy the birth of your next baby. Good thinking. I'm hoping the person I have watching my son turns out to be good. We don't know many people here, she is the only one that I trust to watch my son. She is very nice, but she said " the SHOULD be FINE" when I asked her to watch him when I go into labor. So that makes me wonder how reliable she will be when the time comes. If not, my hubby will be watching him and I will be laboring alone I guess. That is what happens when you have no family nearby and limited friends. I hope all goes well with your delivery. Yes, I am due May 17th. So we aren't too far apart! These last months always seem the hardest to wait, don't they? The first two flew by, now these last 3 months seem to be dragging by