[trasdfsd]

I have spent the last four months separated from my girlfriend by 2000 miles, and I have seen her only four times in that period. Our relationship is nearing 2 years. This past weekend I was at a going-away-party hosted by my colleagues, and it was very pleasant. There was a lot of wine, good conversation and a relaxed atmosphere. One of the girls - in a relationship, very attractive, and the same age as myself (25yrs) - has a previous reputation for being somewhat loose. And I was also attracted to her a few years ago. Although I have had respect for her both professionally and personally, I have been very critical of that particular aspect of her behavior. As it happens I got as drunk as I had planned, but I had not planned on falling asleep on the couch embracing this girl, as if it was my girlfriend. To me this is a clear violation of the terms of my own relationship. When I woke up the following morning, I called my girlfriend and explained to her what had happened. However, I have not been able to explain to neither myself nor to my girlfriend why I allowed it to happen. Did I like it? Did I forget my obligation to remain faithful? Have I secretly been wanting this to happen? Did I seek confirmation? Either option is extremely difficult for me to accept, and I have always hated people who aren't true to each other. I feel that I was right to tell my girlfriend about the situation right away, despite the pain we are now both feeling. I do feel as if I have cheated on her, and I don't understand why I did it. With all my principles and experience with alcohol, I had never pictured me in a situation like this. I am hoping to mend our relationship, but I feel that I must first understand the reasons that led up to this.
Any opinions and input is much appreciated. Am I missing some biochemical factors? Am I lying to myself? Am I trying to save face?

[redhed35]

Could it just be that you were lonely and missing someone (your girlfriend) to hold?

The girl in question was available and perhaps you thought on some level she would not mind.

It does not ease the hurt or confusion but perhaps it's a starting point.

[Jake2008]

You have seen your girlfriend, once a month, for the past four months because she is away. Otherwise, the prior 20 months of the relationship, you were together.

You are having a crisis, because you fell asleep on the couch, with a woman. So, what's with the meltdown?

Why do you need to characterize the woman on the couch as being 'loose' and poor moral character? Was there more to just passing out on the couch to justify these great feelings of confusion and guilt you have?

If you harmlessly partied, drank too much, and there was a lack of beds, and you shared the couch with a male friend instead, would you be so upset? You were, after all, in the livingroom I presume, with other people in the house, in similar shape to what you were in.

Was it a matter of that you pursued her all night, professed your past feelings for her, admitted to being attracted to her, and you did the ditty while nobody was looking? Or was it seriously the other way around, you both fell asleep on the couch, got up in the morning and went your separate ways.

You are being so hard on yourself, I have to wonder what's with all the psychoanalysis of falling asleep on the couch meaning so much more than simply falling asleep on the couch. Unless there is more to the story.

[trasdfsd]

My girlfriend has been telling me that what she has missed the most and needed the most this fall, has been my arms around her when falling asleep. And that is what I miss as well. I haven't been there for her, but now I offer myself to anyone...

[ITstudent2006]

I haven't been there for her, but now I offer myself to anyone...

You haven't been there because 2000 miles isn't a distance you can just up and drive to her location.

Let me break this down Barney style:

1. Did anything more; than what you've explained already, happen that night, couch or otherwise?

If you're answer is no then you're being way to hard on yourself. I agree with the poster who asked you about falling asleep on the couch with a guy. Would you feel the same way? Nothing happpened. You just shared a couch to catch some shut eye.

Now if other thoughts or intentions crossed your mind then that is a different story.

I say ease up!

[trasdfsd]

I appreciate the gender-perspective, and the answer is No. The answer is also No to Did anything else happen, BUT I have images of my hair being fondled, and opening my arms. I find it hard to accept that I liked it enough not to put an end to it.

[Cat1864]

1. You are missing your girlfriend. You are missing the human touch. How long until you are back in the same place for good?

2. You not only allowed yourself to get drunk, you got drunk as drunk as you planned.

3. You were with someone who you find attractive on many levels (and have for quite awhile) and apparently she was drunk as well and missing her boyfriend.

4. It sounds like you used her like a teddy bear and she used you like a kitten or puppy. I sometimes fall asleep petting my dog. It doesn't mean I want her to replace my husband.

5. You don't seem to have a very clear memory of what happened. I'd bet she doesn't either. Be careful that you don't mix up reality and dreams. You still had your clothes on and no one has posted pictures of you making out so it doesn't sound as bad as you are building it up to be.

6. I commend you for telling your girlfriend about it before someone else might have. However, I think you are reacting not to this one episode but to doubts that are starting to arise with the distance between you and her. Long Distance Relationships aren't easy. They take work and trust. They also take understanding your needs and how to adapt to the deprivation. Phone calls and Skype don't really fill in for falling asleep in each other's arms or waking up to the sound of your loved one moving around and knowing he/she is there. Share positive moments along with the 'missing you' thoughts.

Throughout your relationship, you will be attracted on some level to other people. Attracted does not mean you want to have sex with them. It means that looks, personality, professionalism, brains, etc. made them interesting to you. We choose friends by those qualities in them that attract us. You don't stick around people who repel you for very long, do you?

Bottom line, don't get drunk. Alcohol and loneliness do not mix well. We have plenty of threads where lines were destroyed by alcohol consumption. You don't seem to have done that. You are aware of the danger. Heed the warning signs.

[simoneaugie]

Alcohol switches emotion and intellect. Drink enough and thinking rationally goes down the tube. That doesn't mean you're stupid, or that you were stupid. It means that alcohol took over and made you emotional and non-thinking.

You miss your girlfriend. Being separated is hard on both of you.

Don't let alcohol screw with you anymore.