[krystalsunshine]

Last weekend I threw a surprise party for my boyfriend and I invited all of our friends including my friend "may". She and I have been friends for about 5 yrs. And me and my boyfriend have been together for 2. we all use to live in an apartment together me my boyfriend and her and her boyfriend. We all talked once about switchin partners for fun or having a group thing. But I told my friend that I couldn't let her sleep with my boyfriend I love him too much and that if that happened it would ruin everything between everyone involved plus I was in no way attracted to her boyfriend. She agreed.. well we all moved out and she had a baby with her boyfriend (im the godmother). Well now he works a state over for 2 weeks at a time so I invited her to this party cause she had a babysitter and I figured she was stressed taking care of her baby all day everyday without help. So needless to say I was completely wasted and so was my boyfriend we'd been slamming shots with all our guests since 8 pm. She showed up at about 1030 and had nothing to drink so I let her have 3 shots of my liquor cause it was almost gone and no one else gave her any I know that. So than she approached me about ten min later and asked if I would let her have sex w/my boyfriend & I would get to **** his friend as a switch thing... I said no and played it off.. few more drinks later she came back to me with my bf's friend and asks again and I just agreed without thinking.. ((obviously)) I made both of them promise me they wouldn't go down on each other that it was a boundary and they both swore they wouldn't... I ended up messin with his friend but he couldn't stay hard so we didn't do it. I had started soberin up and my boyfriend and my best friend come out of the bathroom and they sat down and shared a cig she said she could see why I like him and I started losing it a little I took him in a back room and found out he ate her out and she blew him... I know I shouldn't care but I do after I was sober I realized my friend had been sober and took advantage of the situation.. I've seen her take 10 shots and she never tried anything... now her boyfriend is coming back to town and I can't face her.. I don't think I'll be able to get over it this guy I'm with isn't just my boyfriend he's my fiancé and this has really ruined our relationship even though he was really drunk and his friend talked us into it I still am mad at him and I don't know what to do please help me!!

[Alty]

The first thing you do is stop drinking. Obviously you make very bad decisions when you're drunk.

Talk to your friend and your boyfriend, tell them that this is bothering you, even though you agreed to it, and you don't know how to handle the aftermath.

Stop blaming your friend for talking you into this. You had the chance to say no. You agreed to this, and it's too late to go back and change that. Accept your blame in all of this. Would you have felt better about it if the guy you were with had been able to complete the act? You were willing to allow them to have sex, and you were willing to have sex with someone else.

It's time to talk it out and decide if this is the end of the relationship, either with your friend, your boyfriend, or both. Or come to an agreement to forget that this happened, and then agree that it will never happen again.

Stay sober.

[ironhide262]

I agree... stop drinking!

Time to start asking yourself just what kind of relationship you have... not just with you boyfriend but your so called " best friend".
The thing that I find the most surprising here is the total lack of values between everyone involved. Your best friend that had the nerve to even ask you. You for agreeing to it all. Your boy friend( fiancee) for going along with it and the guy you were making out with. Looks like all of you should leave the bottle alone for a while!

Well, you made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Hopefully all of you can talk it out and get past it. The only person I feel sorry for is your best friends boyfriend who was working out of state.

[krystalsunshine]

I agree he's totally innocent in this...

I'm to blame in this too I know. And your right I shouldn't blame her for talking me into it but I really feel if she hadn't pressured me and had just took my first no as a no maybe it wouldn't have happened. That's all I keep thinking should have could have would have... and I know it's wrong. I feel so bad for her boyfriend he's out there making money for her and the baby and this is how she's acting. She didn't just **** my boyfriend but she ****ed his friend... and on top of all this the next day I got to call from one of our mutual friends telling me that she had went over there for advice and she told our friend how sorry she was and how bad she felt for her boyfriend and than not even ten min later she asked my friend "alan" to **** her, so in this case I think my friend is being a whore and trying to **** other peoples lives up cause she is unhappy with her own situation. And I really am surprised because she is one of the last people I would've ever expected this from... and I don't think I can ever forgive her.. as for my boyfriend I just don't know. The whole situation seems like a bad dream, and trust me I'm not ever drinking again.

[gara]

This so stupid , very stupid , I can't even say any thing about it , I have to ask you something why you and your friend suggested in the beginning to switch boyfriend friends , isn't that stupid for real , I know you guys joked about it , but your girl friend take it seriously , and about the drinking about you better quite it , this so stupid for real , can't say any thing about it , you guys ruined each other and , blame on the AAAAlcohol

[talaniman]

Being drunk is no excuse for bad behavior, an being mad after is really besides the point. Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions and make some changes to your own behavior. Not only stop the drinking, but stop having drunken parties with irresponsible people.

You better take this experience seriously because even though it was a drunken orgy this time, it could just as easily been a tragic event that would have been worse than just hurt feelings, and affected more than just you stupid drunks.

Innocent people pay all the time for what drunks do, and I am sorry means nothing to a family that has lost someone to a drunk driver.

See this as a wake up call. It could have been much worse than just drunken, mindless sex.

[Devorameira]

I can't imagine why you'd be upset about the mess you got into. You told her and him it was okay and then you proceeded to try and have sex with someone else. What a mess!!

Sounds to me like you need to give up alcohol altogether and reconsider the relationship you're in now. You and him aren't ready for a commitment or you wouldn't be getting involved in dangerous situations like this. Committed couples respect one another and know their boundaries.

[krystalsunshine]

Drunks are irresponsible. They don't make decisions based off facts or what's right or wrong, someone in my family died because of a drunk driver. I didn't go out driving so don't compare the two. I made a drunken mistake. You can't sit here and tell me all of you are perfect and never had a bad experience with liquor. I don't ever drink this just happened to be a celebration thing. So I did and now I regret it. I regret everything. And by the way we are committed and we do have boundaries. In 2 yrs we've never had anything happen no fighting even he's my best friend.. . I'm stupid okay I get it. I shouldn't drink I get it. But there is no way I can take back what happened I'm not trying to be ridiculed I know it was inevitable but still... I want to know how I should deal with the aftermath.. and thanks altenweg for your comment I really agree with all of it. I know I shouldn't have said yes.. but I did make my bed and now I do have to sleep in it...

[Wondergirl]

you can't sit here and tell me all of you are perfect and never had a bad experience with liquor

Just for the record, I grew up with wine and beer in the house that only my parents and other adults drank on certain occasions. Once I hit 16, I was allowed a very small glass of wine at Easter and Christmas dinners. I never drank hard liquor until after I was married (after I turned 21, rum and Coke at my alcoholic bil's house). Teen and college parties did not feature alcohol. The legal drinking age was 21 in my home state. We obeyed the law and found more fun things to do than get wasted. People don't have to drink and get drunk for entertainment.

[DoulaLC]

Drunks are irresponsible. they dont make decisions based off of facts or what's right or wrong, someone in my family died because of a drunk driver. i didnt go out driving so dont compare the two. i made a drunken mistake. you can't sit here and tell me all of you are perfect and never had a bad experience with liquor. i dont ever drink this just happened to be a celebration thing. so i did and now i regret it. i regret everything. and btw we are comitted and we do have boundaries. in 2 yrs we've never had anything happen no fighting even he's my best friend. . . im stupid okay i get it. i shouldnt drink i get it. but there is no way i can take back what happened im not trying to be ridiculed i know it was inevitable but still... i wanna know how i should deal with the aftermath.. and thanks altenweg for ur comment i really agree with all of it. i know i shouldnt have said yes.. but i did make my bed and now i do have to sleep in it...

Not perfect, but I have also never had a bad experience with liquor. I've never seen the appeal of going out and getting wasted out of my mind, doing things I regret (if I even remember them), possibly puking my guts out (so attractive), and usually waking up feeling like crud the next day. Sounds like good times.

You are right, it was stupid, but lesson learned. How do you move passed it? You either talk it out with everyone involved, including acknowledging the fact that you would have been joining right along with everyone else if the friend could perform, and see if everyone is in agreement that it was stupid, should never have happened, and it won't be happening again, or you ditch your so called friend and your fiancé and move on.

Personally, I would get rid of your friend... she has proven that she is trouble and not just with your situation. I don't know if I would keep the fiancé around either, but then you were just as willing to be with someone else, so maybe the two of you can work it out and get passed this. Good luck with it!

[ohsohappy]

This kind of crap is the reason I really don't have much faith in humanity. People seriously don't know how to use their brains, liquor or not. I mean how hard is it to set a limit for everyone and cut off the booze? The fact that nobody set limits on the alcohol means nobody cared what happened and people just wanted to get drunk. I find irresponsible behavior like this ridiculous. Common sense is not that hard!

[Cat1864]

I want to point out that your friend is apparently a new mother and her body probably can't handle what you have seen her drink in the past. That you would give a new mother who probably has to drive home three quick shots because you were afraid the alcohol was running out shows that there is more of a problem than you are acknowledging on the drinking subject. I think she needs to talk to ob-gyn if her behavior is completely different from how she normally acts.

One of the first things to do is forgive everyone involved. Him, her, the friend and most of all yourself. You obviously weren't so drunk as to forget what happened down to the time of night she got there. That tells me you had a fairly good idea of what you were agreeing to at the time.

IF you want to move forward with your fiancé, look into relationship counseling. If you don't think you can let go, end the relationship now before you both end up hurting each other more than you have.

As for your friend, I think you need to stay away from her until she gets her head straightened out. Then decide if the relationship is worth the work.

[krystalsunshine]

Comment on Wondergirl's post
OK I'm of age too so? I don't understand why you are telling me about that. And I didn't say I was entertained or that it's the only way you can.

Comment on Cat1864's post
I just remember her asking the time when she got there. That doesn't mean I wasn't drunk. Either way I gave her the shots cause she didn't have her own liquor not cause it was running out. Just saying, &she didn't have to drive home. Your advice really helps:)

Comment on DoulaLC's post
Thanks I agree I'm guilty for agreeing. I'm going to try to work things out with him, but after seeing her run to my friend and try to sleep with him the day after just makes me not trust her at all. She's obviously not my friend and really is trouble.

[Alty]

Personally I wouldn't want friends like her, but then again, I wouldn't want a boyfriend like yours either, nor would I want a girlfriend like you.

You're all to blame. You're all at fault. She didn't cheat with your boyfriend, you agreed to let her have sex with him. He didn't cheat on you, you agreed to let him have sex with her. You didn't cheat either, you all agreed that you'd have sex with another guy.

I find it amusing that you're calling her a whore, pointing your finger at her, when you were ready, willing, and able to have sex with that other guy even though you're in a relationship. I have no doubt based on your posts that had he been able to get an erection, you would have had sex with him. So you can see her faults but not your own?

Dig deep. Are you really mad that you agreed to this, that she had sex with your boyfriend, or are you mad because you didn't get your fling because the guy couldn't keep it up? Be honest with yourself. Would you be feeling this way if your "date" had been able to fulfill his end of the deal?

[asking]

I agree that alcohol got you into this.

I agree your friend took advantage of the situation and definitely pushed you into it. I would not stay friends with her. She is deeply troubled. I would not want her around your current boyfriend or any other boyfriend.

You and your fiancée have some serious work to do to get past this. He totally went along with this and you did too. What's at the bottom of that? Why were you both willing to be unfaithful with relatively little urging? Can you two trust each other? You have to talk and keep talking. What does your boyfriend say?

[krystalsunshine]

Comment on Altenweg's post
OK it's wrong of me to have called her a whore but I'm only saying that because she went to my friends the next day looking for support and sympathy than tried to sleep with him to.

Comment on asking's post
Thanks this is very helpful!

Comment on asking's post
He feels horrible never wanted it to happen and never does again. He accepts that he was wrong and I was too.we still need more time to discuss everything.but I believe he's sincere I am.& I feel the willingness was the booze but I want to discuss it.

[DoulaLC]

I hope you can sort it out with your fiancé. Rebuilding trust takes great effort on the part of both partners. Sometimes it can be accomplished, sometimes it simply can't... only time will tell.

Use this experience to really discuss what you both want in your relationship, what your expectations from here on out are, and how you will avoid anything like this from occurring again. Time to close ranks together and do what you need to to protect your relationship. You've been given a wake-up call, don't let it go to waste. Clean start from here on.

I strongly suggest you both ditch the alcohol, if not completely, then keep to an agreed set limit... no more than one or two drinks for example. No more getting plastered... it's stupid, immature, and so obviously a bad choice for the both of you. I wish you well...