[JoeSwede]

Hi,

I've received tremendous help earlier with how to handle my ex situation. Which is why I'm returning to ask for some more advice.

Problem is that I'm going to my best friends B-day party in a few days and just noticed that his girlfriend invited my ex who has accepted the invitation. (I met this friend through my ex and her friend, the girlfriend of my friend)

I feel I've gone a long way and have been doing NC with her for quite a few months now. It's almost 6 months since our break up where she broke up with me.
I earlier got news that she had a new boyfriend, which is why I asked a question here in the first place earlier.

I was really looking forward to going to this and really can't bail out now but I really really don't ever want to meet her again. Especially not if she has her boyfriend with her.

Any advice as to how I should go forward with this? I've done a lot of progress since last and am dating a few girls. I'm not sure how I would act at this party with her around, but I'm pretty sure it'll destroy my evening cause I won't be able to stop thinking about her being there (and possibly with her new bf).

Please any advice or earlier experiences would be helpful to get. I don' want to destroy everything I've built up.
Thanks in advance.

[talaniman]

If you can't go to this party and have a good time then don't go. I am sure there will b a lot of folks there to interact with and share in the festivities and if you go just don't focus on her, or her new guy.

It's a part of life to know how to act in all situations, and in this one you act like you don't care what she does, or who she is with. If you can't do that, stay home and sulk in fear and regret because now she is controlling what you do in life, with your friends, and that's truly regrettable.

[kp2171]

Uhm

Its your best friends party. Get over yourself for a few hours.

I'm a huge fan of NC. And you get some wiggle room.

But really... nobody ruins your night but you. Own it.

Go. Immediately engage your bud. And then if ja need to walk later, fine.

But really... bailing on him because of her? Its because of you.

As much as I believe in NC when possible, I'm a bigger fan of owning your life.

Go. Know parts might suck. Welcome to mortality.

Its short time.

[JoeSwede]

Tal:
Yeah, I thought about that too. Decided to go shortly after writing my request for advice and am pretty confident about it.

As usual it's always the initial scare that's the worst but I really don't intend to let her screw up all the good work I've done. I really don't want to be with her and the only small feelings I have left are ones for someone who doesn't exist anymore.

Thanks for recognizing the request though, appreciate it.

[kp2171]

Don't be too hard on yourself about how she can dismantle you (even though its all you, not her).

Accept it. Expect it.

Know its going to suck seeing her. I do this every time I see my ex.

Focus on the moment, your friend.

And if you get bent out of shape... fine... par for the course.

[JoeSwede]

Par for the course, great expression for what needs to be done.
Better to focus on everything else happening? Lots of people there I've been wanting to meet.
I just want to mentally prepare for anything unplanned.

[answerme_tender]

Joe,

Remember she will be just as nervoius as you are about seeing each other, even if she has the new boyfriend with her!! Actually this is the PERFECT time to show not only her, but YOURSELF how much you have gotten over HER!!

Come on Kemo Sabe its time to get yourself back up in the saddle and getting on with your life. Ever thought about asking someone to go with you to the party!!

Bottom line is to have a good time, and stop giving the ex so much power where she is still controlling you to point of your actually insecure to see her at YOUR BEST FRIENDS party. Go and prove what a confident man you are!! Good luck

[JoeSwede]

Just felt like ventilating this but feel free to comment:

So after speaking to a friend of mine he revealed what apparently was a secret even to her friends. He is the partner of my ex stepmothers closest friend. He said he overheard my ex say that she was pregnant with her new boyfriend who she's been seeing since three months ago.

I can't say I was surprised. She was always pushing me to get kids with her but I wanted to wait until I was finished studying and had a full time job. My feelings are that not being with her is one of the best things that happened me. Cause I wouldn't want to be with anyone who could get a kid with anyone after only three months. According to me that says a bit about what kind of person she really is.

I earlier wrote about going to the same party as her when my closest friend celebrated 25 yo. When meeting her I just said hi and she said hi back, and then that was it. The party was great and I didn't care at all that she was there. I felt great about it all!

[I wish]

Sounds to me that there's been a lot of progress on your part. Keep it up and thanks for coming back to us!

[JoeSwede]

Always glad to share, thanks!

[answerme_tender]

Joe,

I am so happy that everything when well for you at the party!!
Congrats for being at the point that you realize the is life after the break up!!

Good luck on your new beginning!!