[satya_b]

I love my boyfriend very much.He also loves me so much.But his parents didn't accept as I belong to different culture.So fixed his marriage.
But now he still find out d way to break his marriage and try to convice his parents.
Even I askd him to tell everything to that gal but he afraid to do that bcoz he also don't want to hurt his parents.So in this situation what should I do now?:(

[abhishekshukla]

Do What your heart says to you.

[onlineguy]

If I understand the situation correctly, he is about to be in an arranged marriage but he is in love with you. Is that correct.

In that case, unfortunately there is very little you can do. I personally do not agree with arranged marraiges, but culture and family ties can be very strong in a person. The decision to pull away from tradition and possible his family has to be his alone. All you can do is tell him how you feel and what you would like to happen.

He has a hard decision to make, and you have to face the possability that although he might want to be with you, he may decide due to heritage, family and pressure to go the other way.

I hope it works out OK.

[nwsflash]

Hi satya_b is the marriage an arranged marriage?

I think what you need to do is have a good talk with your boyfriend and see where you both are heading in life, I know that in some culture's it is hard to break with your parents wishes, but I'm sure that if your boyfriend can prove his love to you then maybe his parents may come around and see things different ! You need to tell your boyfriend that he needs to be a MAN and stand up for what he wants in life and not keep being pushed around.

[satya_b]

If I understand the situation correctly, he is about to be in an arranged marraige but he is in love with you. Is that correct.

In that case, unfortunatly there is very little you can do. I personally do not agree with arranged marraiges, but culture and family ties can be very strong in a person. The desicion to pull away from tradition and possible his family has to be his alone. All you can do is tell him how you feel and what you would like to happen.

He has a hard desicion to make, and you have to face the possability that although he might want to be with you, he may decide due to heritage, family and pressure to go the other way.

I hope it works out ok.

I agree what you say.I also told him do watever your heart says but don't feel regret after making decision.He aceept his parents decision but also he is praying to happpen something and also he daily goes to temple.He wants me to keep in touch with him and be with him always.But I'm confused I can't see him in this condition.he even hope till last moment.At this moment how can I behave be normal

[onlineguy]

i agree wat u say.I also told him do watever ur heart says but dont feel regret after making decision.He aceept his parents decision but also he is praying to happpen something n also he daily goes to temple.He wants me to keep in touch with him n be with him always.But i m confused i can't see him in this condition.he even hope till last moment.At this moment how can i behave b normal

I am really sorry about the situation you are in, you have my sympathy and understanding. Breaking up with someone you love for what ever reason is very hard and sole destroying.

Things you need to consider: If he choses the arranged marriage, are you going to be happy being the other woman ! Only seeing him when he can get away from his familly ! Knowing he will be having sex with another woman ! & more than likely children !

Sorry to say it as it is, but I feel its required.

So the choice you will have is be the other woman or end the relationship. You need to make him aware that it is an either or situation. You or the arranged marriage. Then face the result.

He may be trying to convince himself due to his feelings that you to can still make it work evan when he is married because he does not love the other person. But he may not be considering that he is asking you to be the other women !

[rol]

<<He wants me to keep in touch with him n be with him always.But I'm confused I can't see him in this condition>>
Totally agree with onlineguy, be tough with him now and tell him that you cannot just be his friend and that if he goes ahead with the marriage he will lose you forever.

Sad for you, these arranged marriages must be very difficult..

[satya_b]

I am really sorry about the situation you are in, you have my sympathy and understanding. Breaking up with someone you love for what ever reason is very hard and sole destroying.

Things you need to consider: If he choses the arranged marraige, are you going to be happy being the other woman ! Only seeing him when he can get away from his familly ! knowing he will be having sex with another woman ! & more than likely children !

Sorry to say it as it is, but i feel its required.

So the choice you will have is be the other woman or end the relationship. You need to make him aware that it is an either or situation. You or the arranged marraige. Then face the result.

He may be trying to convince himself due to his feelings that you to can still make it work evan when he is married because he does not love the other person. But he may not be considering that he is asking you to be the other women !

Thanks for promptly replying me.
Ur each and every word is right.n what I'm think yet.But can't decide what relation should I maintain before and after his marriage.As he himself feel regret about his decision.So it is right to be with him after his marriage as a friend?

Bcoz he wants to be with me and cares me forever.But I unable take decision what relation should I maintain?

[Druid]

thanks for promptly replying me.
But can't decide wat relation shud i maintain b4 n after his marriage.

As he himself feel regret about his decision.

So it is right to b with him after his marriage as a friend?

1. But can't decide what relation should I maintain before and after his marriage.


The opposite of love is indifference. Think of the male friends you have now or have had in the past. Does it bother you if you see them little or often, does it bother you who they have sex with. No because they are a friend, your indifferent.

Are you indifferent to this man ! You already know the answer, therefore until you are indifferent then you cannot remain friends, all you can do is part on friendly terms.

(Consider you meet him, spend a wonderful day with him, full of the joy of love, then he leaves to be with his wife... Gutting.. Or you arange to meet him, but his first born falls ill and he has to cancel... Gutting. Or you want children, but he already has them and cannot support two families... Gutting.)

Tell me or tell yourself... Would you go out with a married man now ! If not why not ! Your looking at the same situation further down your lifes journey !


2. As he himself feel regret about his decision

His regret will do nothing to ease your heartache, when you see him with his family, the family that is denied to you !

3. So it is right to be with him after his marriage as a friend?

You already know the answer to this!!

[rol]

Hi satya,
I Know your pain and how difficult it is to be in love with someone even though they cannot be with you and you would love to remain in their life as a friend...
However this option is not good for you . It will cause you pain, and also prevent you from moving on and meeting the one that is right for you... perhaps also one who is not afraid of his parents ideas about who he should marry...

Choose No contact with him to help you move on... that is the best for you right now.
Good luck Satya, it must be very difficult for you.

[chuff]

I'm sorry to be ignorant about Indian culture but can I ask if an arranged marriage has to be accepted by the son? Can he refuse it?

[talaniman]

Leave him alone to make up his own mind. If he comes back. Deal with him as you see fit. If he gets married, he was not yours so obey the boundary of marriage. A man who cannot stand with the one he loves, does not love enough to worry about.

[satya_b]

Leave him alone to make up his own mind. If he comes back. Deal with him as you see fit. If he gets married, he was not yours so obey the boundry of marraige. A man who cannot stand with the one he loves, does not love enough to worry about.

Thanks talaniman.

I asked my boyfriend either take some strong step or do what your parents want and forget me.
Then he asked one of his friends to tell everything to that gal whome he going to marry.
His friend told everything to datgal.I don't know what is going b/w them
Now please pray that everything should fine now.

This is bcoz of all your responses bcoz I asked him to read all reply given by all of u.
He read and got some courage and took this strong step.

Now let see what happen.

[rol]

<<He read and got some courage and took this strong step.>>

<<then he asked one of his friends to tell everything to that gal whome he going to marry>>

Well he would have been stronger to do it himself instead of taking the cowards approach!! and I'm sure the girl would have appreciated it more also instead of hearing it from a third party.

[satya_b]

<<He read n got some courage n took this strong step.>>

<<then he asked one of his friends to tell everything to dat gal whome he going to marry>>

Well he would have been stronger to do it himself instead of taking the cowards approach!!!

At least he took some step and gave me some hope.In this crucial moment positive result is more important.

Something is better than nothing.
Don't know what happen next.I just what that nobody ll get hurts.
Whatever happens that happens should be best.

[rol]

<<In this crucial moment positive result is more important.
>>

No its not,
Most important is that everyone's feelings are considered including the girl who he was supposed to marry. He should tell her directly HIMSELF.

[Wildcat21]

I am wondering what's going on here? If he loved you he would not marry the other gal.

Wonder if he wants both? Don't share him.

I would not contact him. IF he loves he will come to you and not go into that marriage.

Arrainged marriages rarely work. And a lot of times can't be broken for religious reasons. GREAT! Two unhappy people!

[satya_b]

I am wondering whats going on here? If he loved you he would not marry the other gal.

Wonder if he wants both? Don't share him.

I would not contact him. IF he loves he will come to you and not go into that marriage.

Arrainged marriages rarely work. And a lot of times can't be broken for religious reasons. GREAT! Two unhappy people!

I agree with u.
But the thing is that he respect his parents feelings.Also he wants to marry me but without hurting much others.He wants to solve problem by everybdies acceptance.

I don't want to pressurize him to go against his parents.So that he should not feel regret by his own decision.

[satya_b]

<<In this crucial moment positive result is more important.
>>

No its not,
most important is that everyones feelings are considered including the girl who he was supposed to marry. He should tell her directly HIMSELF.

Yah you are right.
After knowing that she will definitely called him.And that time he will tell her everything.

[rol]

<<Also he wants to marry me but without hurting much others.>>

Well he's not doing a very good job of it by getting his friend to tell the girl!!