[cchurch5]

Entire story merged

Hello everyone I've been going through a very rough time with my ex-girlfriend. I'm 19 years old at a community college and she is 18, a senior in high school. I dated this girl for almost one year and we were both madly in love with each other in the entire relationship. We would always spend every day together and just love each other so much. She was my first serious girlfriend as I was her first serious boyfriend. We did everything together; I was her first person to sleep with as she was mine as well. About two or three months ago once summer ended and school started up for her she started to act very distant and not want to hangout with me all the time and wanted to be with her friends more. That bothered me because I was so used to being with her all the time and since I go to a community college and all my friends are away at college I don't have a lot of people to hangout with here. I admit I was too controlling and got mad at her for stupid things, but she has lied to me in the past about certain things that made me loose trust in her.

So in about October I could really tell things were changing and she wasn't into me as much. It bothered me so much and I was always depressed and down about it. So then after our birthdays passed in October, I ended up ignoring her because she would say she would do things and never do it. She would stop coming over to my house as often and just didn't show the love anymore. So then I ignored her because she said she was going to come over and hangout with my family for my birthday and never did and texted I later that night saying hi and never even gave me an explanation of what happened. So then we got in a fight on the phone and the next day she broke up. We've almost broken up many times before and I would always talk her out of it and this time I couldn't and she officially ended things with me and broke up with me. We didn't talk for about five days and on a Sunday morning she called me and my friend, but neither of us answered because we had visit a college for a weekend and both were sleeping.

I tried calling her back and no answer. I then sent her a long txt the next night after I still haven't heard from her and I texted her saying I was going to move on for good if I hadn't heard back from you or be able to meet. So she texted back saying, "Sorry I can't meet in person but I do still love you." I ended up calling her and she we talked for a bit and I said I feel like we should still be together and she told me she needed space still and that she loved me and if we were still meant to be then we will be. So I gave her space again not contacting her at all and then she texted me about 4 days later on a Saturday and just texted me saying she was thinking about me and wanted to see how I was doing then stopped texting me again saying she needed more time! So the very next day after she went to Church she called me and asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch so we did and we talked and had a great time and I thought she was missing me and wanted to get back together. Then she asked me if this was a good idea since we are NOT going to get back together so I got upset and told her that I wanted to be with her and everything and how it would be different this time and she said again she needed more time and she loved me.

This is where it gets interesting... About seven days later, texted me on the day it was suppose to be our one year anniversary and she texted saying, "Sorry to make this hard but I just thought I'd text you saying hey since today was suppose to be our one year." So we texted a bit and then she randomly asks if I wanted to hangout this week which really confused me. So we met up that week and talked in the car and she was crying the entire time saying she misses me and misses being together and she hasn't got over us. So I started comforting her and hugging her and she started to kiss me and we ended up making out for 5 minutes straight and it felt like we were dating again and we both decided that we should talk as friend and hangout and have fun and whatever happens, happens and if we are meant to be together then we will be. So we texted after we hungout that night saying thank you for making me feel better and that she loved me and she would call me tomorrow if she wasn't doing anything to hangout again. Well the next day (yesterday) she didn't even contact me and didn't even let me know she couldn't hangout. I again told her how it would be different this time around if we were ever to get back together and she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and doesn't know if we will in the future and texting me with short responses after we had a great night the night before. Eventually she stopped texting me and I don’t know what to do. I REALLY want to date her again and I always give her space and not talk to her for a week and she always ends up contacting me wanting to talk to meet up. I know she has me where she wants me because I'm always there for her and being nice and loving and would never ignore her. She said she is not interested in any other guys and hasn't been with other guys. I don't know what to do! Maybe start playing games with her and act distant? Ignore her? Help I need advice. I really want her back and we both love each other I just don't know what is going on with her!

[411Help]

She's confused. Give her space. Most importantly, give yourself space. She has already told you she doesn't want to be in a relationship, so accept her wishes, and in my opinion, cut all contact with her. This way, it will grant both of you the time apart needed to make a rational decision. Who knows, maybe you guys will get back together, maybe not. If I were you, I wouldn't wait around for her. Start building a life for yourself that you're happy with, WITHOUT her in it. You're young, new opportunities will rise soon.

[cchurch5]

But right now I keep just wanting to txt as friend and see where it goes and whatever happens happens, but I know that's the not the right way to go and I'll keep getting hurt. I just loved her so much and she does too I just don't know why we can't be together.

[411Help]

Give her space. If she truly loves you like you say she does, she will be back. Until then, don't wait.

[cchurch5]

I do give her space over and over again and she always contacts me after a week of giving her space and then she always needs more space and says she hasn't gotten over everything. She says some weird stuff like she has to get over me unitl we can ever get back together which is weird to me. I think next time she does contact me should I ignore her? It's the same pattern week after week and something needs to change on my part because she has me where she wants right now. Stringing me along because she can't let go. I need advice on this. I feel like if I ignore her for a little bit then it'll really freak her out and realize what she's doing to me.

[Imabadman]

You don't “get someone back”. They come back or they don't. Being that faithful puppy and humping her leg every chance she gives you isn't a way to go about it either.

We get you still love her, she gets you still love her. Now why not try loving yourself. You're broken up and as hard as it is to deal with you're just making it harder on yourself. You need to wrap your mind around the fact that it's over, the previous relationship you had is done. There's no sense in being so available and at her beck and call every instance. I'm not saying play games with her I'm just saying you need to get a life. Take a step back, you take space for yourself; reevaluate yourself, your life, your goals, your wants and needs. Then if she wants to come back, and you want her back, you'll be in a better position to make a rational decision instead of an emotional one.

[cchurch5]

So if she does try to contact me again what should I do? Because every time I give her time and she contacts me I'm there loving her and everything.

[answerme_tender]

If she contact you, do not answer! You being available for whenever she decides to give you a call or text, is nothing more then a EGO Stroke to HER!! If she really wanted to have a complete relationship with you, she would SHOW you how much you mean to her, by being next to yourside, and guess what you wouldn't have to even ask yourself if it was real or a game!

We can only be a pawn in someone's game if we give THEM the POWER to make us an object instead of a person!!

The question is how long are you going to be her pawn?

[411Help]

It sounds to me like you already know what to do. Yes, it's going to be hard. Will it be worth it? Definitely. Stick around and vent when you need to, we will be here for you.

[cchurch5]

I've already have my ex girlfriend talking to me every night, saying I love you and hanging out 2-3 times a week after her not wanting to talk to me for weeks so I didn't contact her at all, But I still haven't got to the point where I can date her again and I don't know what to do to get to that point. She's worried about the stresses of the relationship again and me being controlling again. I've told her many times I regret being controlling and I promise it would never happen again because I've changed a lot since the break up. It seems like we are getting slowly closer and closer to dating, but at times she tells me that she doesn't know if we will ever date again and still is not ready. I want her back soon, but don't know what to do. Please help me with advice. Keep taking it slow?

[Homegirl 50]

You should have left her completely alone to begin with. Now you are in a situation where she has you on her terms and doubt she will want to date you again. You are her comfort zone. When someone else catches her fancy, she will be gone again and you will be hurt again.
Back off. Stop spending as much time with her, texting her so much and get a life apart from her.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy but you have allowed her to have her cake and eat it to and she doesn't have to take you back, because you are still available to her when ever she wants. No she will never take you back, but until something better comes along you are a safe option to keep her from being bored and alone.

What you need is a proper healing from this break up as you rebuild a life that makes you happy without her. Its called NO CONTACT, and if followed religiously, you get your dignity and self respect back, and a real life.

Forget getting her back, that's dumb, as she already has you looking like a foolish loyal puppy, and it will be worse when she has better things to do, and that's not love from her, its control, and neither is what your doing love, because you scrounge for crumbs and do tricks for her to earn those crumbs.

But have heart and let no contact whatsoever let you be a man, and not a puppy for her amusement. Yeah, it sucks, especially when you have allowed yourself to sink so low, hoping for your baby back, but why would she take a puppy back, when he comes whenever she calls? Make sense to you?

Start ignoring her completely, and don't play her crap game. Let her wonder where you have disappeared to.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

[Imabadman]

This is a perfect example for others NOT to follow.

This guy made a lot of typical wrong moves begging, pleading, negotiating with his dignity, too available, and now most likely got benched in the "friend zone".

Live and learn buddy. Nobody says life is easy just that it's worth it. For the next time I hope you learn to exercise a little dignity for yourself and be a man about it. Best of luck.

[stretchdawg]

You got to tell her that she can't keep wanting you one minute and not the next. Tell her its not fair on you and demand she makes a choice. If she says she doesn't want to be with you then go back to the no contact rule. She'll eventually tell you she wants to be with you or after a few weeks text her and she'll be happy to hear from you and then you can arrange a meet and ask how she feels