[kittie69]

Hi everyone. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 21. I have been with my boyfriend for 3yrs and 8mns. We have been living together for 3full years. The first couple of mns we were fine but I noticed from day one that he was extremely lazy. He wasn't working so I told him that he has to do the chores while I am at work and he was doing very good with that. When we moved 2 yrs ago to a different state was when I REALLY got to know him. He is the kind of person that swears everything he saids is correct and if you try to prove him wrong he goes straight on Google to "prove you wrong" but 7 out of 10 he is the one looking stupid. And I can understand you wanting to be right but it isn't that serious to talk the way he does. He is critical of everything. If he sees someone wearing underwears he starts going on and on about why they shouldn't wear that blah blah. And I always tell him to mind his damn business. Why does he need to tell people what to wear? He does this with everything. Oh the word I am looking for is judgemental that's what he is! He has poor hygiene. Well he does bathe daily or everyother day but he doesn't wear deodarant so by the end of the day he smells real bad and I don't knoe if it's that he doesn't wipe his behind properly but it smells bad back there and leaves odor where ever he sits. Aside from that he has the worst case of halitosis I have ever smelled in my life and he knows this because people tell him this all the time but then again he would only brush once a day. And when he wakes up he hops on the computer and hours later he goes to brush his teeth. Every single day I tell him babe brush your teeth before you go to bed and he just ignores me. I can't remember the last time we tongued kissed. Its been over 9months of maybe even over a year. We only tap kiss and that's only when I'm leaving for work and when I come home from work and the tap kiss is only like 2 seconds. He has been unemployeed for about 3months so there is no reason why he shouldn't clean the house. We only rent 2 rooms and a tiny bathroom so he would only have to clean the bedroom and wash dishes. My side of the room is always neat.I vaccuum my side at least once a week and use lysol wipes on the drsser and bookshelf but when you walk over to his side you see piles of clothes, water bottles, can of chocolate, bags of bread, peanut butter, over 10 plastic cups that he uses to spit in. the TV is on his side and on the TV dresser you see dirty dishes. The TV stand is a computer table and the part where the keyboard is he has that loaded with paper plates spoons and knieves. I used to clean up his side but I stopped and he doesn't care about it being like that but he does get mad when he sees me clean the entire room and toss all his things over on his side. When I clean or wash dishes he never ever offers to help. He just lays there and does nothing. He complains about havng to drive me to work and school but I just don't say anything. All you are doing is stopping from doing nothing at home and moving your feet. I am a home health aide and work with a patient who can not do anything for herself so I have to lift her from her bed to wheelchair and back, feed her and clean her up and change her diapers so by the end of the day my back is killing me and in school I do even more because I am an intern at a nursing home. He has started cooking from time to time which is good and he always offers to cook if I am hungry. But that's basically all he does. If I don't tell him to change the bed linens they will be on there for weeks. He never cleans the cat box. We originally had one cat and he took in another and promised me he will do everything for them which was nothing but a load of crap. If he would at least scoop the cat box I wouldn't complain but he doesn't and he never gives them fresh water either. Our sex life is horrible he saids because I never want to. I don't want him near me. We have sex just so he can leave me alone for the day because he will keep sexually touching me until I do and if I don't he will be moody all day. We haven't done anything for 4 days and for himthats along time but I don't want to. Deep down I am not happy. He tries to control what I wear. Last week he kept giving me dirty looks because I wore a shirt that showed my cleavage. When he met me that's all I wore. If I like dressing like that then I don't care what you say about it and I told him that but he made me feel soooooo uncomfortable because of how he kept staring at me with his dirty looks that I changed before going to school but the next time I will not change! I bought a dress and before I even tried it on he said "i dont know where you think you are going with this dress" and I looked at him like he was stupid and told him I was wearing that for xmas to my moms house and I ended it there. We haven't had insurance on our car since may of this year and registration expired 2months ago and our car in at the impound all because of his irresponsibilities. If I don't pay the bills they don't get done. I have changed the last couple of months by trying to reinfornce certain things and now he saids I am being lazy or what ever other words he saids. I stop listening LOL. Also I have caught him emailing and talking to his ex girlfriend 4 times lst year. I don't know if he is still doing it but whatever. He lies whne he gets caught even after the proof is right in front of my face. He always deletes certain internet history like porn or when he looks up his friends and he denies it and claims the"computer" downloaded the porn on its own!! Ahahaahaha... anyway in conclusion I just need advice on how to leave. I really love him and he isn't that bad, he has never hit me either. I'm scared of regretting it and I don't even have a dime saved if I do want to leave. What can I do? I have sat him down and spoke about allllllll of these problems. Also I tried this spouse test recommened by a online marriage counselor and he refused to even give it a try

[Wondergirl]

I sure wouldn't eat food HE prepared! And I would take the cats and leave, or make him leave (since you are paying the rent probably).

[kittie69]

I'm scared. I don't know how to. And I am paying the rent now since he is umemployed but when he did work everything went into our conjoint account and I paid all our bills with our money

[Wondergirl]

Please answer in the Answer box, not in the Comment box. (You'll get more room to type stuff.)

What scares you?

[kittie69]

Scared of being alone, scared that I might regret it. Scared that he might change and become a better person and I miss out on it. But in your opinion do you think I will be considered a bad person for leaving him? 2 hrs ago I asked him to clean up and he just called me telling me he was watching TV n on the computer and I yelled at him. He's so stupid

[Chris0107]

Um no offense but he sounds disgusting. I wouldn't be able to deal with that and all his nasty odors! I would tell him start taking better care of himself and the house because he sounds like a slob. If he refuses then just leave. Done. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? And to top it off, he doesn't even treat you well! I say GET OUT. Ew I feel sick to my stomach after reading that!

[kittie69]

Chris you are funny and what you say is very true! I'm at my boiling point with him

[ironhide262]

Damn girl! Leave this guy... trust me things will not get better and it will probably be the only thing that may make him change.
I agree with Chris0107 , he's a slob. Sounds like you re just scared of being alone or hurting this guy but, I can't see you getting any happier (quite the opposite with this guy) and all these problems will just eat at you until you have finally had enough and end it anyway.

GET OUT is my opinion as well!

[Wondergirl]

Be sure his name is not on any accounts you have. Start a new checking account with your name only. Do you have credit cards with both names on? What about an apartment lease?

Maybe he should be the one to leave, not you.

[kittie69]

Oh yes I am definitely scared of hurting him! I don't like hurting peoples feelings but I am not happy. Half of the time I ignore him and run around doing chores so I can avoid him. I tried breaking up before and he will leave for a few hours and come back, change for a week and go back to being nasty again. He saids I have to change as well because to be honest I am very mean. No one likes me because I am "too honest" or ***** but I don't sugar coat things for adults and it seems like the only person I tolerate is my boyfriend but that tolerance metert is running on low now. I am working on saving some money so I can just go or wait till his mom buys him his car and tell him to just leave. I have to be happy as well even though it will hurt his feelings.

[Wondergirl]

I hereby give you permission to hurt his feelings.

Yes, save up money (if you can stand living like this for a bit longer). We will help you get tough meanwhile so you can kick him out.

[kittie69]

We have one conjoint acct and he gave me hell when I opened my own but I still have my very own acct. I told him no credit cards conjoint and he got mad. So we only have one conjoint and I transfer money from time to time to my own acct

Thank you wondergirl. I never had the luxury to live on my own and I think about it every single day! I would be so much happier. I already know what I want in life. I am in school for can and I'm going to college next yr for my associates in nursing and he isn't doing anything with himself sooo...

[Wondergirl]

Keep us informed. I'm getting real excited thinking about you living independently and not having to clean up after anyone else. I envy you! You have a very bright future!

[kittie69]

Thinking about how am I going to break this to him has my heart pumping. My pulse is def over 100 right now lol. But I can't do it now ill have to wait at least till January and I am willing to wait until he gets a job so I don't just leave him in the streets

[Wondergirl]

Maybe "leaving him in the streets" will force him to get a job -- otherwise, he will continue to depend on you and just sit around.

[talaniman]

Let him live with his mama, and she can clean up his mess. Kick him to the curb, ASAP!!