[chippers]

I've been a nurse for 20 years and thought I made a good one. I liked my patients and treated them like my children. I did a stint at a nursing home through an agency. One of my patients had been sexually molested by another resident(he was alert and oriented) He waited until no one was around and took her to the common room and proceeded to touch her inappropriately. I immediately separated them and caled the director of nursing who at the time was in the building. I nearly hit the floor when she told me she was acting as the director but as a med nurse at the time. But she did say to do nothing. I called the supervisor who called the police. The suspect or male patient was arrested for prior warrants for his arrest.(the admissions agent knew of these )b/c when I told her what the dectective said he had them, her reply was well they had nothing to do with what he was arrested for. The dectective did not tell me what the warrants were about just that they were felony warrants. I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep for days. I stopped nursing because I couldn't face another patient after that. I still carry the guilt with me after all this time. I feel like I let the patient down. Her care and safety were my responsibility and I let her down. I'm angered by the lack of concern shown by the adminisration after the attack. They seemed to be more concerned with covering their butts and not the welfare of the resident. I don't know how to get passed this. I've been punishing myself for nearly three years It's my fault she was hurt. I should've been watching her better. I can never forgive myself .

[mell276]

The only thing you could possibly be guilty of is being emotionally involved. You can't punish yourself for something that happened that was out of your control. At a nursing home, I can assume she was not your only patient. You were on the floor with, what, maybe 15 other residents that were also your responsibility. With that person there, that could've happened on or off your shift. Also, those are the politics of the job. I work in the health care field also. There are things that I have seen or heard about, that I don't agree with. You can't stop everything. The agency should have had that situation under control. Confidentiality laws and HIPA would prevent you from knowing that individuals past and that he had other law problems. Do I believe that some of those laws should be changed. Yes. But I am only one as you are only one. So until legislation makes laws that are not so gray, we can do what's in our power as caregivers and take care of our people the best we can. If it didn't bother you, I would say your in the wrong field. You followed proper protocol, you went through your chain of command and he was arrested. Nothing more you can do. But don't stop nursing because of it. By walking away from the field entirely, you leave those persons who are already desensitized in charge of caring for the people you left behind. I hope that helps.

[J_9]

Chippers, you did the right thing!! As Mell said, I am sure you had other patients and yes, HIPAA does keep us from knowing all we sometimes need to know.

I will also agree with Mell that you are one, she is one, and I am one. But where I agree with her and the legislation stops there. It takes only one nurse to write a letter to her congressman to get the ball rolling. That is why each state has their own nursing boards, you can go to them and tell your story. It takes but one voice to bring the wrongs of an institution out to our legislators to make changes.

Hun, it is not your fault what was done to her, most likely you could not have done anything. What you did do, however, WAS the right thing. You told someone, appropriate actions were taken with this man.

Another thing that can change the was that institution is run is if JCAHO were to come in and review the records of the institution.

Just remember, you saved this woman from even more pain, you could have saved other women too.

[bkdaniels]

The purpose of this reply is to convince you that yes, there is no problem more distressing than that presented by the patient with incurable disease or unpreventable crime, particularly when death or crime is imminent and inevitable. We as medical professionel must be prepared to deal with the feeling of guilt that can almost invariably afflict the members of a family when the medical practice, with all of our advancments and sophisticated technology, are unsuccessful in preventing or curing the two.

We must tender what assurance is possible that no fault or stigma of neglect need be attached to the living. As much as we'd like for it to, we can not fully prevent incurable disease, nor crime which can cause death in many tramua victims.

But, what makes you a professional is not because you don't have a situation, but by the way that you handle a situation; In other words, we are to use these situations as a stepping stone and not a stumbling block.

This is the time for you to reaccess your goals. If you expect that this is going to be a beautiful walk in the park, there will be all good days and no bad days, or you would become a nurse and the world will live happily-ever-after you may have your expectations too high (this can lead to depression and failure).

So just as any great athlete, when they fall down, they may lay there for a minute or two, but eventually they get back up, dust theirself off, and keep on running. You must reach deep inside and search for a reason to continue towards the mark.

The further you look inside the more you will realize you are only human. Not a camera, not a robot, but human and there will always be human error.

When there is human error, you must make the necessary corrections and keep on moving on. And understand, nothing is perfect, being unforgiving yourself is not going to solve this problem.

What happened in that room goes back a whole lot further than us. The bible say's, "no one knows Love nor Hate; Love and Hate goes way beyond our time."

This means that we can only do the best we can, but try not to let it happen again. You have done a great job so far but on the other hand, you have come too far to stop now; you have to strive for the complete restoration of the patient's physical and mental health.

No one can choose what hand is dealt to them, we have to play with the hand that we get. I can assure you, though, that if you keep playing the game, God just might deal you a winning hand.

Hope this leads you in the right direction!

WORK(S) CITED

1. Kathleen Nader, 2006. Gift From Within - Article: "Guilt Following Traumatic Events"

[chippers]

I'd like to thank everyone for your very helpful answers. They mean a llot to me. I agree that we are but one in dealing with situations as I did. But it's a geat Idea to talk with a congress person to do my best in making sure it doesn't happen again. I think of her every day and pray for her.

[tacramer]

I've been a nurse for 20 years and thought I made a good one. I liked my patients and treated them like my children. I did a stint at a nursing home thru an agency. One of my patients had been sexually molested by another resident(he was alert and oriented) He waited til no one was around and took her to the common room and proceded to touch her inappropriately. I immediately separated them and caled the director of nursing who at the time was in the building. I nearly hit the floor when she told me she was acting as the director but as a med nurse at the time. but she did say to do nothing. I called the supervisor who called the police. The suspect or male patient was arrested for prior warrants for his arrest.(the admissions agent knew of these )b/c when I told her what the dectective said he had them, her reply was well they had nothing to do with what he was arrested for. The dectective did not tell me what the warrants were about just that they were felony warrants. I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep for days. I stopped nursing because I couldn't face another patient after that. I still carry the guilt with me after all this time. I feel like I let the patient down. Her care and safety were my responsibility and I let her down. I'm angered by the lack of concern shown by the adminisration after the attack. They seemed to be more concerned with covering their butts and not the welfare of the resident. I dont know how to get passed this. I've been punishing myself for nearly three years It's my fault she was hurt. I should've been watching her better. I can never forgive myself .

The police would have held you responsible if they felt that you had some responsibility.. If they did not... then you have evidence that you were not legally responsible for the incident... But that's not really the reason why you are in anguish? Is it?

Forgiveness is a required part of a healthy lifestyle... No one can survive life without accepting the idea that sometimes bad things happen to good people, you do what you can, sometimes you make a mistake = BUT you can't change the past. No amount of self-inflicted pain will make the event disappear.

You should talk to a counselor about why you feel you must inflict more pain on yourself.

Contrary to the myth, no one pays back someone's loss with suffering - it is a non-negotiable currency - no one accepts it anywhere.

You feel the need to be punished... find out why... and then nullify it.. You will always remember it - but it should never, never have the ability to control you...

You may also find that asking God if, when he took every wrong we ever committed and sacrificed himself in our place, he took your burden as well.

The other action to take is to... (and this is meant in all love) get over the self-pity! There are others still getting molested today! Now that you know better - you will be an even better protector! But that will only happen if you can enlarge your focus to include someone other than yourself, and use this evil for good. Let your memory motivate you to be an even better caregiver... Every successful surgeon, lawyer, policeofficer has had to climb out of this hole (While charged with doing good, bad happens). Join the ranks of professionals who got better by standing on what formerly crushed you.

[bkdaniels]

You know Chippers, it may be a waste of time to try and be perfect -make all the right moves- moves that you will be proud of later in life. However, medicine is an ever-changing science. As research and clinical experience broaden our knowledge, changes in treatment and drug theraphy are required.

You must realize that medicine is a PRACTICE! We gain a lot of confidence and think that we can make all of the right moves, but in reality, we strive to become perfect. So, don't let one bad apple (incident) ruin the bunch. Stay focused on your calling.