[Funkhouse]

I just really need some encouragement right now because everyone around me has told me to abort the child.. which I cannot and will not do. My family lives thousands of miles away and are not supportive anyway. I have a friend in Seattle offering me to stay with them. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I am 28 years old and the father is only 22 about to be 23. Everyone says that I am ruining his life for doing this. I've been ready to be a mother since I was 20 years old! And have had a hard time meeting a guy that wanted to start a family with me. I've already had two abortions because of pressure from the boyfriend at the time only to have them break up with me within weeks after. This time I am alone and there is no way I could even fathom killing this child and continue to be alone anyway.. and have to start a search all over again for a viable mate. The father and I are good friends but he is not offering any help or support during my pregnancy so far and I've been so sick and sad and staying in my room way too much. Please help me. I need advice, I have hardly any friends especially ones that support my decision. I'm looking to relocate from Santa Barbara in a few weeks. Hoping to get my head lifted here. . And my heart too.

[joypulv]

First, make that move to Seattle.
Second, please think again about your remark 'I've been ready to be a mother since I was 20.' No, you haven't. You are broke and it seems unable to provide, and don't have someone else to help you provide. You've had 10 years of adulthood to save for a baby but haven't. You are now more alone than ever, as friends slip away and you are forced to move pretty far. You want a man to be standing by you but haven't waited for the one who wants to. 28 certainly isn't the last tick of the biological clock! But now here you are pregnant and you want to keep the baby, so get to work on the logistics and struggles all single moms go through. Maybe you can advertise around town for roommates in the same boat, to share not just rent but child care and supplies while you all get part time jobs.
Or see if you can get welfare (though the roommate thing may not work then).
Being supportive isn't going to do much when what you need is practical thinking.

[Jake2008]

You are 12 weeks pregnant, single, broke, alone, and about to be evicted. It doesn't sound like a good start to being a parent without a partner in the picture.

Wanting to be a mother, and being a mother, are two different things.

You will need a lot of support in order to just survive, with or without a baby. If your life is unstable and you cannot support yourself, how can you support a baby.

Others will have to take care of you, and that's the way it will be, until you are able to be on your own, and providing your own way, under your own steam.

If you choose to have the baby, instead of choosing to have an abortion, or instead of choosing adoption, then accept all the help you can get. If you have friends or family who will help you out, take the help, and use whatever help you are given, to help plan your future. Perhaps getting back to school, or getting job training, etc. there is help to get you there.

It isn't likely that a 22/23 year old can afford to support a baby, so accept that, should you carry on with the pregnancy and decide to raise this child, you can expect little from him. That is not to say that he shouldn't be paying some sort of child support; that is a consequence to him, that he will have to accept. It isn't optional whether he wants to be a father, because he will be a father, in six short months.

You may be starting behind the 8 ball so to speak, under conditions you would have preferred not to be in, but it is what it is. If you are determined to have this baby, all you can do is the best you can do, with one eye to the future, to establish a good life for yourself and your baby, down the road.

In the meanwhile, I would advise you to check out all available options through the welfare system of whatever city you decide to live in, and find out what resources are available to you for prenatal care, housing, and assistance with some sort of living allowance to put food on the table.

I don't know where you are, but here in Canada, there is often a residency requirement prior to being accepted to receive welfare; some its three months, some longer. There is much for you to do, and I hope that you feel better soon, in order to get things together.

Good luck to you funkhouse.

[AidanA]

Okay first off let me tell you that I am only 16 and I am a boy, but believe me when I say I have had lots of life experience, good and bad. Let me tell you one more thing that will be hard for you to accept, to put it completely directly, if the father is not supporting you or willing to help out with the baby, than he is in no way a good friend of yours. You don't just treat a baby like a removable consequence of sex, and that is what he is doing.
There are a lot of single mother support groups and programs you can attend, join one and you will meet so many people in the same position you are in. You can look them up on the internet.
Ignore everyone who tells you to abort. If you don't want to, than don't. It is your life and your baby and you have a duty to raise it and be a loving mother. Also, aborting it would just make you feel more lonely and depressed, putting you in a worse position than before.

Lastly, if you think you are too broke to raise the child than there is always the option of putting it up for adoption, and letting it live a great life.

You are a great person no matter what anyone says. Do your best to find people that support you, and know that you are loved.

[Funkhouse]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I should probably add that I am not really that broke. I am just a student and have about 4500 dollars from loans saved up that I am worried will just disappear while I am pregnant because I'm not sure how long I can keep on working and how long I'll have to take off. I figured moving to Seattle would be great because I can live there for free and possibly even find a job to supplement and save with. Plus I'll get a head start on residency there and be able to start going to school as an in-state resident within no time.

Thank you so much for saying what you did about the father not being my friend, I feel the same way about it and have been struggling to understand why I've put up with someone like that in my life for so long.. and why I ever would. It really makes me want to find a good man someday.. and how that is done I have no idea. I'm one hot cookie.. and its hard because I get hit on by EVERYONE under the sun.. and swooned away by the charming good looking types.. like this exboyfriend of mine. Its hard talking about your own beauty as being an issue.. but it is.. and I wish I could talk about it without sounding like I'm an ego freak. I was NOT found attractive in junior high and made fun all the time for it. Perception of beauty is an incredible thing that changes the way people treat you. How am I supposed to figure out the douche bags from the real people when I attract them all?

Also what you said about aborting is so true. I felt incredibly alone and depressed and have changed a lot in the last two years since having my first abortion. Both times the boyfriends left me right after.. leaving me to even more alone and regretful. I used to be beaming with love and smiles and now I am so sad.. still beaming with love.. but just this deep sadness sits within me.. and I felt like I would just die if I ever did that to myself again. Especially since this time there is no "boyfriend" hounding me to abort... there is no one here at all.. just me. And I feel this child alive with me more than ever.

I have looked into a lot of help out there.. and am very excited to be done and graduated with my AA degree's this next month. Once I get to Seattle I will throw myself head and heart first into whatever organization.. single mama.. baby-r-us club that I can!

So grateful for any and all of your help. It is nice to be able to talk to someone about this... as I feel extremely alone in this small college town where no one understands this kind of thing.. I am looking for all the support I can get until I finally am able to leave and get started on my new life.