[ironhide262]

While reading over the last bunch of posts I have noticed many breakups indirectly due to what one partner has observed in their significant others Facebook page.
My question is how much of a factor do these social networking sites contribute to breaking up? Are couples just too quick to assume the worst is happening or is it just far easier to snoop on you partner rather than just trust them? Seems like actual communication has given way to simply looking at someone actions on their FB page.
Many people seem to consider themselves in a relationship while only knowing someone through the internet via Facebook and skype. Are these "real" relationships or are these people fooling themselves?
Lastly, what kind of guidelines or ethical boundries concerning social networking sites should couples consider to avoid any misunderstanding which could lead to resentment and or breakups?

[pandead]

It's funny, I've been thinking about this for a while. A lot of people don't consider a relationship "over" until they see their boyfriend's/girlfriend's relationship status changed back to "single" on Facebook. I think it's a new way to tell the entire world that the relationship is over, and well, if they tell the world then it must be.

The "regular" break-up goes as follows. You get dumped, you don't hear from them for a while, you move on. Or you keep trying to contact them and they don't answer the phone, letters, emails. Now you can see everything your ex does after the breakup. It's much easier to stalk someone on the internet, being completely anonymous, plus, less embarrassing than getting caught outside their house or at their favorite place trying to see "how they are doing."

The problem with that is, moving on becomes harder unless you are strong enough to block/delete your ex from Facebook. Even then, some people (we've seen lots of examples here) are desperate enough to "break into" their ex's Facebook accounts to check their private messages.

You don't actually have to talk to someone to know the details about their lives. You can just read their "wall." Do they have a lot of friends? Are they depressed, drinking alone on a Saturday night? What books, movies, foods do they like? You can learn a lot about someone on Facebook without talking to them once. Scary isn't it?

Another thing I noticed is that you can see people's inferiority complexes easily on Facebook. The unemployed guy who finally gets a job changes his status 3 times/day saying "at work, sooo bored" so everyone knows he's working. My cousin who didn't have a boyfriend for ages changes her profile picture to a different one of her kissing her boyfriend every other day. Wedding pictures and baby pictures are classics. Facebook brings out the narcissists in us, we are the center of the world.

It's not bad though. I usually don't add random people on my Facebook and I added a few friends I met online last year. One of them used to post pictures of himself "having fun" pretty much every day after his breakup. I sent him a long message one day because I felt he was trying too hard to show his ex he was doing good. I was right, he was devastated. Every other week when he gets depressed, he sends me a message and I try to help him get through this.

What I'm trying to say is, sometimes people you know in your every day "real life" don't understand how badly you can be hurt or how sad, mad you are. I call that guy my friend now, am I fooling myself? If he comes here tomorrow I would get a drink with him and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be awkward (just as friends, of course.)

As for the Facebook relationships, I think it's a more natural way to meet someone than the other online options, like dating websites. But I don't believe in being "in a relationship" with someone you never really met.

I once got into an argument with my ex because he ignored my comment on one of his posts and answered another girl's comment. Now it sounds so stupid. If my next boyfriend has a Facebook, I know I won't ask him to change his "relationship status." It's just Facebook after all, who cares, right? :)

[411Help]

I've seen numerous relationships ruined solely because of social-networking, and on the flip side, I've seen relationships blossom through social-networking.

As the saying goes,

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

[ironhide262]

Thanks for your comments. I know what you mean about people not considering the relationship over until they change their Facebook status to "single". An ex of mine waited over a month and half after the breakup (initiated by her by the way) until she finally changed it even though she was obviously seeing other guys. After asking her about this she just casually mentioned, " OH ya that, I've been meaning to change that". Even though it was staring her right in the face every time she opened FB. She also seemed to add a new guy friend on FB almost everyday, songs dedicated to how much "fun" she was having( with many "likes" added by her friends). But, deep down I also knew her life was no where near as exciting as she made it out to be.

I think FB has redefined what a "friend" really is. Some people have over 1000 individuals on their "friends list". Who are they fooling? And to some people the act of dropping them as a friend( such as an ex) is an act which holds more devastating than the breakup itself! Despite the fact that they have your telephone number!

Anyway, my point is that it seems like couples are opting to check out their partners Fb page for answers rather than a face to face talk. Much of the information on someone's wall can be considered ambiguous at best yet, people tend to make assumptions. It just emphasizes how critical communication has become in a relationship and how very "centered" individuals must be to engage in a relationship these days.

[ForeverZero]

Haha, my GF broke up with me and after repeated denials, I may have accidentally went to Facebook, accidentally used her login name, then accidentally typed her password. Lo and behold, it brought up all of her intentional communication with the guy she'd been seeing. I did intentionally buy some scotch and cry though. That part I was serious about.

[ironhide262]

Haha... she accidentally gave you her password ;)