[bmorebama]

Ok. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. I met him in the strip club I was working at. Sooner than later he took me out of there, we started living together and he began to take care of me rather than me working. Its been a lot of drama since then but we really love each other & we are trying to make it work. He's 10 years older than me and I feel like he thinks less of me because I'm not working. Although he tells me I don't "have" to. I'm 26... I have no where else to go or nobody to turn to, to even begin to start a new life for myself. I haven't had a "real" job in so long which means I don't have any references to use when I do look for jobs. I don't have a car, a license... nothing. I've pretty much let this guy take over my life and he has a lot of control over it. I'm basically a "housegirlfriend". I get up in the AM and make him breakfast and lunch to take to work and dinner is made when he gets home. If I need money, I have to ask for it and when I run out, I'm just out! He pays my cell phone bill, all the bills at the house, takes me shopping buys all the food. I know he has an issue with it, but I just feel like he isn't saying anything about it. Could our relationship really last forever this way? What should I do? He also has a 1 year old son that was born a week after we started dating so that was pretty hard to swallow at the moment, the mother of the child does little slick things, making it known that she wants to be with him I guess. He has all of these ex girlfriends that are way more successful than I am, making me feel like I'm not worth ****. He always like to remind me that he loves me and he doesn't care what anybody thinks about me, he still loves me regardless but it doesn't FEEL that way. When I think about REALITY... It's hard to see us happening forever.

[redhed35]

Although in theory its nice to dream of being 'kept', but the reality is most people,men and women want to achieve for themselves,whether its through work or study,its something for them only.

How your feeling now will not change unless you change it.

YOU can get another job,

YOU can go back to school,

YOU can be who ever you want to be you just have to make a choice.

Right now YOU choose this situation,and you can change it.

As for your relationship,'forever' is a very long time.

For a relationship to be successful there has to be mutual respect and understanding,they are the corner stone of a healthy relationship,only you can answer if you have that in your relationship.

[Cat1864]

Have you told him how you feel and asked for his input on how you can regain some independence?

Does he encourage you to find a job and get out of the house on your own or with friends or does he find ways to make certain you don't go out?

I think you need to make a plan for getting back on your feet. Talk with him about needing a life outside the house. Find out how supportive he is about you having some independence. If he isn't, then you know that you need to get out of that situation.

The first thing you have to do is change your mindset. Try not to think about what you can't do. Think about what you can do.

Is there public transportation available?

Have you thought about going back to school?

Do you have any hobbies that you could use to make your own money? Are you willing to babysit, dog walking, pet sitting, companion for the elderly, tutoring, etc.

How often do you get out of the house just to take a walk if nothing else? Churches and community centers are great places to do volunteer work that can open doors for you in other places.

[simii]

He loves you that is for sure and care for you but you can`t be a house girlfriend to him... he loves the attention he is getting from you food all the time and he loves the control he has on you so don`t be that way. For now all this is fine but later he will lose the respect for you and before that happens you yourself will lose respect for yourself... everyone has aim to be something why should`nt you also have that apportunity its great that he got you out from that strip club and gave you a life outside it if he loves you that much than ask him to help you find a job or ask him to help you to join school so that you can study. Don`t be that way for now its fine but for future it may not be... ITS GREAT TO LIVE IN YOUR PRESENT BUT AT TIMES ITS IMPORTANT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT FUTURE. Good luck and god bless...

[talaniman]

Talk to him about the things you want for yourself, and then make a plan to get it, with or without his help! You will feel better doing things for yourself, and accomplishing things on your own.