[Tman70tp]

Last April I ended things with my girlfriend of two years due to too many fights and it was getting to the point where everything was a battle. As soon as that was over I soon fell head over heels for this other girl who was absolutely perfect. We dated for 3 months then she randomly ended things.

Since coming to college I've hooked up with a couple girls but I don't have feelings for any of them, but I feel like they are the girls I should have feelings for. I feel like since these two successive breakup I've tightened down my emotions to the point where I have feelings for no one. Talking to my girlfriend of two years recently makes me realize that I miss her, but she is not the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with by any means. How do I get over this girl and allow myself to have feelings for other girls again?

[Sunnyboy43]

It's natural to keep your emotions on a tight leash when you've had the rug pulled from under your feet twice now. At the same time it'll be difficult to establish new trust, let feelings deepen and bond with another girl, unless you allow yourself to be fully vulnerable again to the process. With respect, the big missing link in the question is what you fought about so frequently and veremently with your first girlfriend? You say everything was a battle. Conflict eats away the joy, lightness and privilege of being involved intimately with another person,(and it is a privilege most of the time). Too often a beautiful light hearted beginning gets weighed down as days turn to weeks and the outside world encroaches on your time together, intimacy and energy. Often when things go bad its no more than a simple indication of incompatibility, or a lack of maturity in how to deal with the problems and challenges between you as they arise, (no offence). All conflict involves participation, its very healthy to stand back and see your part in it, and take ownership of it. Otherwise you're destined to carry it on to the next relationship. You miss the rapport that two years established between you, the ease in which you communicated with someone who knew so much about you, and vica verca, part of you misses that and you know it's going to take another two years to get that again. Relationships can potentially bring the best out in us,(and the worst) as well as the need to love is the desire to be loved and share our lives. Where ever you've loved you've left a little part of yourself behind. But you state quite clearly she's not the girl for you. So move on! Stop seeing her through rose tinted glasses and conviently forgetting the "constant battle." You're young! Learn by your mistakes! Live fearlessly! Let your heart off the leash! That "perfect" girl ,for you, is probably just around the corner waiting, and she wants the new humble you, not the "no it all" that can't see his own imperfections, no offence!
Best of luck friend!

[Bioviper]

Here is my experience: Dated almost 3 years this girl from high school, planned on getting engaged. I was absolutely shot when we ended. Sounds like your experience was just like mine. You want to hold on to something you absolutely loved. The hard part is you spent 2 years with her so what your mind is thinking retroactively when you date these new girls. You head tells you "They are nothing like what you had before". This is going to sound kind of crazy but this is how you get over your girlfriend. Meditiation: Every time you think about your ex, close your eyes and envision you are at a movie theater by yourself. Picture a huge image of your girlfriend (a good picture) on the big screen. Now envision there is a small white box in the center of that picture, envision that box getting bigger and bigger slowly until it covers up her entire picture. Keep doing this for just a week and I promise subconciously you will get her out of your head. I don't really believe in meditation but I work with a Psychiatrist who recommended this. Try it and let me know how it goes, its all about getting her out your head. Plus you deserve better.. you need to be with someone who does deserve the love and attention you offer. Someone who appreciates it... :)