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    Elove's Avatar
    Elove Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 5, 2007, 02:37 PM
    Dating a married man
    I have been dating a married man for almost 2 years.. I know it was not suppose to get that far but hey it happened.. We both share our daily lives with each other, talk about family and share the same hobbies.. Everything was good in the beginning or course the impressionable stage but things slacked now, we still go out on occasions, and he has visited me on the holidays.. he is a cool dude but he may be getting tired. He says he is not and want to continue but to me something is different.. In a way, I wish I could let my feelings fade and get over this
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    Jan 5, 2007, 02:47 PM
    Please don't tell me you said that you are dating a married man!? I apologize, but you won't get any sympathy here.

    Consider me his wife. I was married once and my then husband cheated on me with a woman like you. That woman ruined our marriage. Yes, he told her our marriage was on the rocks, while I thought it was perfect. The children we had together are now 20 and almost 19. They do not know how to trust or love in fear of being hurt.

    And, NO, HEY, it doesn't just happen!! You let it happen when you knew he was married. You should have stopped it the moment you knew he was married, but you didn't.

    You get no sympathy here.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #3

    Jan 5, 2007, 02:59 PM
    He is married - MARRIED - and is staying that way. That is pretty obvious. You say, "he is a cool dude but he may be getting tired. He says he is not and want to continue but to me something is different." What is different is that he might be getting tired of the ping pong game he has been playing between you and his wife. Does he have children with this woman? Maybe the candle, whose both ends he has been burning, have finally met in the middle and he is getting a bit singed.

    You also say, " in a way, I wish I could let my feelings fade and get over this" What is holding you back from letting those feelings go? For two years you have put your life in the stall position for this man. Two years you could have spent devoting to excploring life outside of dating a married man. So what is holding you back from getting involved in other activities that do not revolve around this man? When your mind and thoughts are occupied by other interests, it would not be as difficult (as you may think) to let whatever feelings you have for this schmuck fade away. Just think of this - he cheats on his wife with you... With no obvious remorse. What does tell you about his character? He would cheat on you too, and perhaps he even does. My ex not only had one girlfriend while we were married, he had two going at the same time! I have little sympathy for women who knowlingly get involved with a married man and I have absolutely no sympathy for that man. I have great sympathy for that man's children - as they are always hurt the most in sleazy relationships like this.

    I would tell you to walk away from this man - run if you can and count your blessings that his wife has not taken you to court. When he calls, please be busy. Find another avenue for your energies and get over this man.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #4

    Jan 5, 2007, 03:00 PM
    A cool dude does not cheat on his wife. I think it is time for you to end it, or tell the wife. Honestly it should not continue and if you continue it, it will not be a good situation. Do you remember the story about Joey Buttofuco. What did his girlfriend on the side do? Maybe it could be reversed. Never know what may happen if this continues. At least your strong enough to admit to this and actually own up to it. Now can you actually end it.

    Joe
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #5

    Jan 5, 2007, 03:15 PM
    How pathetic.

    Hello!! He's married!! Hello!! You're the mistress.

    He WILL never leave his wife - and after two years HASN'T!

    Go to the dictionary - look up jerk - his picture is there. He is USING yo ufor sex.

    Married guys will tell you anything under the sun to sleep with you.

    Ask his wife if this OK?


    Let me guess - lowself esteem. Let me guess you havn'r told your parents - or friends or at least that he's married.

    Go find an available man and get counseling - this is SOOOO unhealthy.

    You are the mistress - nothing more. Hello?? I hope he doesn't have kids.

    This guy is dirt and will lie, cheat and steallin gto keep you on his string. So convient for HIM!!

    What a waste of time and you still have nothing. Sneeking around - yuck!!

    He cheated o nhis wife - HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #6

    Jan 5, 2007, 03:20 PM
    How does this make you feel to be talked down to, can you even think that you are being the tramp in the situation. How would you like it if once you find a man to marry yourself and he goes and cheats on you for two years. Grow up and get some morals because that is not how a proper mature woman acts
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #7

    Jan 5, 2007, 03:29 PM
    No I wasn't trying to say it directly more or less as a metephor. If I was in that situation and my husband cheated on me I would have had more words to say then that. But women need to learn to have the decency of leaving married men alone and look for their own.
    nwsflash's Avatar
    nwsflash Posts: 530, Reputation: 73
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    #8

    Jan 5, 2007, 03:47 PM
    Elove you need to see straight that this guy just wants to eat the hole cake and get the most from both sides (you & his wife ) ! You really need to know that this is wrong and needs to STOP... Look at the bigger picture this guy has been seeing you for 2yrs, but at the end of the day still runs back to his wife every night and I'm guessing he always will.

    You say that you know that your feelings need to fade and go away, so I'm guessing that in your own mind you can see clear that this is wrong. It will be hard but you really need to walk away and leave this guy with his wife and find yourself a nice guy that is just for you and not married our seeing someone else... Just think anything his wife has or he has regards sti's (std's) could be passing to you ! How do you know if he roles over with you that he is not rolling around with others?

    As for the cool dude, a cool dude knows how to LOVE & RESPECT his WOMAN GF or WIFE not go sleeping around cheating --

    to me this does not = cool this = PLAYER & U = Being PLAYED

    Have respect for yourself and put your life in order and move on !
    Taukame's Avatar
    Taukame Posts: 92, Reputation: 26
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    #9

    Jan 5, 2007, 07:25 PM
    Elove, all judging aside, what are you getting from this relationship? I can't really say, but what I can say is that you have lost two years of your life. Two years of missing out on meeting the someone who can make you happy, broaden your horizons, make you proud of your relationship, build a future, become more you. I sure that you have lost you in all of this, so in wishing your feelings for this man will fade, trying wishing for the strength and the courage to find yourself. Good Luck
    manimuth's Avatar
    manimuth Posts: 261, Reputation: 60
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    #10

    Jan 5, 2007, 07:31 PM
    (Sorry Taukame, I didn't mean to post advice on your comment!)

    Elove, there is not a lot you can expect or demand from a man who is not even available to you.
    shenda's Avatar
    shenda Posts: 160, Reputation: 21
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    #11

    Jan 5, 2007, 10:17 PM
    You desire intimacy without the committment; that is never a good place to be; do not be afraid to have your own with all the ups and downs that go with any relationship. More importantly, love yourself enough to want more than a roll in the hey. Be willing to permit real love to tabernacle with you. Do not settle for the left overs when you can enjoy the main course freshly prepared and served just for you. I do not agree with dealing with a married man. It is not a healthy relationship, it is extremely limited and vastly destructive. Too many lives have been ruined by this. You need to make up in your mind that you are worth more than this... you must consider his wife and children, if he has any... help him see his wife anew by not entertaining his company... if you work together... keep it professional... allow someone to love you and not use you... if he loves you, he would have left his wife... my father never left my mother... he played around... but eventually he got tired of being unfaithful and his mistress almost lost her mind becaude she fell in love with my father, but he never loved her, she did not have his heart, nor his money... just like the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, the woman that possess the man's heart, has his love and there is nothing that he would not do for her.Men play around because they can, most often, because the mistress has fewer demands on him, the mistress is a place of escape from the responsibility and accountability that is before him... think about it... a man that runs/or needs to escape from responsibility/accountability what kind of man is he... in my mind he is a "man-child" aka immature man
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Jan 6, 2007, 09:44 AM
    Glad you didn't come here for sympathy, this is the wrong place for that. The only advice I can give someone in your shoes is send the bum home, you've wasted enough of your life.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #13

    Jan 6, 2007, 10:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Elove
    I have been dating a married man for almost 2 years.. I know it was not suppose to get that far but hey it happened..
    Ah but hey it happened! You say that with absolutely no concern for anyone but yourself, almost an arrogant tone. Which I guess is not a surprise since you are a homewrecker.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elove
    We both share our daily lives with each other, talk about family and share the same hobbies.. Everything was good in the beginning or course the impressionable stage but things slacked now, we still go out on occasions, and he has visited me on the holidays.. he is a cool dude but he may be getting tired.
    Yeah all cool dudes make a commitment to a woman, her family, his family, her friends, his friend, and God at a wedding then cheat.


    Quote Originally Posted by Elove
    He says he is not and want to continue but to me something is different.. In a way, I wish I could let my feelings fade and get over this
    While I'll tell you why he's being so elusive and distant. He's found someone else. Now he's got a mistress for his mistress. He's cheating on you. He's tired, he doesn't have as much time it all adds up. He's spreading himself to thin. Of course he says nothings changed to you because he always wants your legs open at a moments notice, and if it the other new mistress ever gets smart to this and leaves he'll always have you, his trusted back up plan.
    jennymyluv's Avatar
    jennymyluv Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Jan 11, 2007, 11:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Elove
    I have been dating a married man for almost 2 years.. I know it was not suppose to get that far but hey it happened.. We both share our daily lives with each other, talk about family and share the same hobbies.. Everything was good in the beginning or course the impressionable stage but things slacked now, we still go out on occasions, and he has visited me on the holidays.. he is a cool dude but he may be getting tired. He says he is not and want to continue but to me something is different.. In a way, I wish I could let my feelings fade and get over this

    This saddens me that you would do this... he made a vow before God.. and he's taken... YOu ignored all the rules as if marriage means nothing... If he were to be with you... he would do the same thing to you... do you ever think of what type of man your attracted to..? You're attracted to a liar and a cheater... and a person who doesn't keep his vows... hurts others (his wife)... Becareful... this may be your change to redeem yourself and walk away... KEep yourself respect... and your dignity... and don't make it a habit to do it again... please for all married peoples sake... (Im not married and I think its wrong)
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #15

    Jan 12, 2007, 10:25 AM
    It's because these women believe all the lies these guys tell them.

    The ywont ever leave their wives usually because of money.

    Wait unti lthe divorce papers are signed AND he has moved out before eve ntalking with that guy again.

    These low self esteem women are attracted to them because these guys are not available. Challenge.
    jennymyluv's Avatar
    jennymyluv Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Jan 12, 2007, 11:34 AM
    I agree... LOW SELF esteem will put you in situations like that... I have had several sleazy married men pick up on me... I would say I'm attractive... I take very good care of myself... my point is that I get a lot of married men hitting on me... I had one incident where my dentist (lab tech) was picking up on me... It was so bad (I was 20 yrs old at the time... ) and at that time acted like a little shy mouse... but I still told him please to leave me alone... I actually got him fired from his job... another incident... im a traffic school... 8 hours... and WOW there was this amazing really attractive guy... ( he looked a like a jock.. football player.. gorgeous... IM mean really gorgeous... I was actually having a good time in my class with this gorgeous hunk... anyhow.. this guy... started talking to me... he asked for my phone number... I had no problem giving it to him... WEll, he'd call me on the ph... from time to time to say... hi how's it going... we'd have very brief ph... conversations... Maybe after a month or so... he called and said... do you want to meet up and have lunch... SO one day... on my lunch break we sat and ate on the sunset strip... close to my work... HE was just as handsome as ever... we ate... chatted... he was great... then he said... You know I'm married right.. My face... showed how disgusted I was... I told him my very strong beliefs on the subject and told him... whats really horrible is him trying to make me a victim... of his world of dishonesty... lies... lust..! THis guy was a newlywed... very much in love with his wife... but like to mess around... I left the table and said... LOOSe my number..! My point is that us a women have to be angry... so that we will not fall into that type of situation... BE ANGry that this jerk thinks so little of YOU... and selfishly want to please himself not you... his wife or anyone else..! Make yourself strong... Keep your head up high... if he's planning on leaving his wife... divorce... wait until the divorce is final... let him know HOW incredible of a woman you are and how much respect you have for yourself... and with your good heart... (respect for his poor wife) P.S. It might be you one day...
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #17

    Jan 12, 2007, 12:00 PM
    Every women should tell these married men to go to hell - they need to be divorced.

    It's such a HUGE mess these women put themselves in.

    Don't get yourself in a relationship that you wouldn't be proud to tell mom and Dad.

    This is SUCH an UNHEALTHY position for a woman to be in. So unhealthy and stupid and nothing will come of it - other than you being used.
    gypsy456's Avatar
    gypsy456 Posts: 319, Reputation: 48
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    #18

    May 17, 2007, 07:45 PM
    Married to another woman = not committed to you.

    Did the penny drop ?
    gypsy456's Avatar
    gypsy456 Posts: 319, Reputation: 48
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    #19

    May 17, 2007, 07:47 PM
    As for "it was not supposed to get this far but hey it happened..."
    Such a bunch of nonsense.

    You made a choice.
    These thing don't "just happen"...

    You made the decision to have an affair with somebody who is married.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #20

    May 18, 2007, 08:30 AM
    What goes around comes around... he's probably cheating on you.

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