[ferszty]

Has anyone ever wanted to die?
I feel like everything hit me at once and I'm full of every emotion but mainly angar.
I don't feel like eating anymore its hard to get too sleep.
I feel like I want to commit suicide but I would miss out on so much.

[Wondergirl]

We'd miss you too.

What's been hitting you so hard?

[ferszty]

Like my life everything that has happened to me my parents split when I was about 2. ummm they smoke pot my dad is a drug dealer umm wanting a normal family. I live with my grandparents I don't like too talk to them anymore. Its everything. Its sooo confusing I want too repeat yr9. I have failed almost all my subjects yesterday I was crying in the lockers.

[Alty]

How old are you?

Things do get easier, and you're so right, you would miss out on so much.

Everyone goes through hard times. I'm guessing you're a teen, and that's one of the hardest times, the hardest age to be. You're not a child, you're not an adult, you're stuck in limbo. This will pass though.

Hang in there, come here if you want to vent. Things will get better, it starts with you. No more crying, no more thoughts of ending it. Figure out what you want in life, and despite the obstacles you think are there, go for what you want, make it happen. You can do it. :)

[Wondergirl]

Despite your feeling bad about things, I sense courage in you too. I get the feeling you really don't want to give up and quit. You are up to the challenge, but need someone to offer you support and hope for the future. That's what we can do here -- give you support and give you hope.

Let's put our thinking caps on. You know yourself and your situation a lot better than we do. What would be the easiest thing you can do that would improve your life? -- the thing that would give you the most quick payback? I have a couple of ideas, but first, what do YOU think?

[ferszty]

I don't know but I'm kind of a loner at school I have a couple of friends not many though.
I get kind of bullied cause I'm one of the smallest in most of my classes.
And I'm older then almost everyone.
I'm hungary but I don't feel like eating anymore so I guess I'm slowly dying and I have a high metablism thing.
My life right now is messed up. Have any of use read the question 'the hardset thing I have had to do'? Or what ever it was.
My mum read a text message on my phone saying I have sex with my girlfriend all tha time. That was a friend that sent me it. And she got really angary and stuff and arrrrgh its hard too explain. Well now my mum has an idea where me and my dad fuked a 13 yr old when we didn't I don't know what's going on anymore and she reported it to the cops. I'm really confused. I hate my life.

[Wondergirl]

You have a girlfriend? That's cool! What does she think about all this?

Could you eats bits and snacks through the day?

[ferszty]

She won't let me.
She is going to make me eat.
I eat a little in the morning and then what ever for dinner I don't eat lunch anymore.

[Wondergirl]

Are you not eating deliberately, on purpose, because you're mad?

Or you just aren't hungry?

[ferszty]

I'm hungary but I don't feel like eating if you know what I mean.

[eokhuijzen]

I am a licensed therapist and what I can tell you may help a little but you need to get help professional help sweetheart. You are what we diagnose as being "passively suicidal". Wanting to die but no plan right? If you are active and do have a plan you check yourself into the ER tonight young man. We don't want to loose you. What I have been reading sounds right. You sound too strong spirited. What you are experiencing is NOT normal teenage depression. You sound like you have some major difficulties in your life not caused by you and it is causing major depressive episodes like this. Is living with the grandmother helping? Is she stable or like your grandparents? Are you staying away from your parents? You need a safe place to live first. HAve you told a school counselor any of this? I know you must love your family but the school needs to know immediately. Do you have a social worker? Know that none of what they do for behavior is your fault. I am sure you have heard this before but I want to remind you. Of course you can not eat or sleep and are getting bad grades. Look at what is happening in your life right now. If you were able to get through this without having a hard time then I would think that was odd. Anyone in your situation would be experiencing the same problems. On top of it it sounds like you have underlying depression too. Have you sought professional help? Your parents, if they are drug addicts, may not be able to work on this with you. This may be a quest you fight on your own. For right now you need to focus on YOU. I would admit myself to the children's (if you are under 18) mental health ward at your local hospital if I were you. Just walk into the ER, tell them what is going on and they will take it from therer. It sounds like your grandmother is supportive? Maybe she can help you? They will give you all the treatment you need. You may be diagnosed with depression or bi-polar. You may not be. They may recommend therapy or medications that can help you. THey may not. I can not answer any of this as I do not fully know your situation and I can not give you licensed advice as you are not my patient but this comes from my heart as I have been there. Going to the hospital will get you on the right path I know that. Of course all of this is your choice but if you want to start feeling better being on a chat line is not the best step. It may help put a band aid on for the moment but you will eventually need to fix things. Do it now while you are still in control and still young. YOU can change the path of your life and only YOU. Wondergirl sounds like a lovely supportive friend and maybe you can keep in touch with you through this. These are the type of people you need around you right now. Dying doesn't fix anything. No matter what you believe spiritually it could be worse in the after life... who knows! You would make your family and friends suffer, you would be losing out on the rest of your life. Being in your teens is the hardest thing you will ever do young one. I promise as life goes on as long as you get yourself together that you will enjoy it more and more as you age. Please. I am begging you to get professional help. Check into the hospital or at the very least call a therapist. If you don't have insurance or no family support call United Way at 211. They will help you. Tell them what is going on. Dying is not an option! As for sleep and anger there are many medications a licensed phychiatrist can give you. In the mean time to get some sleep for a SHORT TIME try Tylenol PM or better yet Meletonin (natural) This is what your brain releases naturally to sleep. You can find it at any drug store or grocery store for about $5. Do not use this long term. You need more help than this. Vitimin D may also help your mood. Good luck dear. I hope you are able to find the peace and happiness you deserve.

[ferszty]

Thanks but I can't its too much. I'm going to ask to repeat for a second chance at yr9 so I can do better. I'm going to tell them Monday (my 16th bday) most of my teachers. I'm getting head aches too now.
My throat right now is really swollin its been like this for a week now I don't know what to do?
I live with my grandparents.
I get sooo bored so I spend all day on this there too old to do anything I don't have any friends that live really close
They live like 9 min ride away.
My life sucks

[eokhuijzen]

What can't you do sweetheart? Talk to a therapist? I am proud that you are going to repeat school to try again. But what will be different this time if you don't change your situation?

[ferszty]

I have a couple plans but hard too explain.

Right now I'm not really happy I haven't been for a month now.
I don't really like too talk too my family oranyone really except for my girlfriend.

[jessspopop]

I am 16 and I have already tried to kill myself, in fact I overdosed last Thursday.. the doctors managed to save me that time, and I have got counselling.. which I would recommed because it helped me just telling one person what I felt and having a good cry. I am feeling depressed now, and that's why I am on one of these pages, but just know you are not alone there are plenty of people who have these feeling, I suffer from depression, I was sexual abused as a child by an ex family member.. I have always had no self confidence and I have always felt worthless.. I feel that my life has no hope and that nothing will ever get better. But you just have to try and pull yourself back in, when you think of killing yourself, just think that you could do so much with your life and even though you are suffering, there are others out there who are suffering more. People say that feeling suicidal is selfish but it is not, its just means that you have been strong for too long and now your body cannot cope with the pain. I know you can pull through this, asking for help is not embarrassing it is brave, you are facing your problems. You have had a hard life, which I can relate too but you just have to think that one day, you will have your own family and you can make it good for your children, put right what was done wrong to you. Facing 'depression' isn't easy and I have had to talk about being abused which went on for 8 years starting when I was just 5, it has been very hard and I cry quite a lot, but going out with friends and trying to feel human help, I like to go out and feel the air on my skin and admire the world. It makes me think how lucky I am to be here, even though at times I would do anything to get out of this place. I hope me sharing my experiences has helped, go and ask for help, be brave I know you can. If you want to talk give me your email and I will mail you. I hope you can see a glimmer of something worth living for xx

[ferszty]

Thanks
Tomorrow is going to be hard cause its my birthday and if my class sing happy birthday I'm going to cry.
Whenever I think about my life this hard ball thing in my chest starts too tightin and rise up or down
And I want too cry.
I hate thinking of my life!
I had done some reseach on depression and figured out I had it and a couple of my friends do I think well I know one dose

[boy4321]

This is my new one soz but I don't want to use ferszty anymore because some people know I use ferszty for most things and I don't want them to find out stuff I don't want them too.
OK I've started seeing a counseller