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lilian567 · Nov 10, 2010, 09:06 AM

So this guy and I started dating about 9 months ago when we were both finishing up college. We spent all summer together, which was amazing, but then he moved home with his parents about 2 hours away (about 4 months ago) and I'm still living in the same college town with a job. I'm looking to move to that area, but nothing looks promising. He's found a full time job there.

I'm absolutely crazy about him and everything about him matches up with what I want in a man. The thing is, I feel like I care about him way more than he cares about me. He's fully committed to me, and is coming with my family for the holidays, and generally calls me once a day... but I want more. Is that normal? I feel like I'm being overly clingy because I want to talk to him a few more times a day. I've hinted at this but sometimes when we talk more times a day there's some awkward silences that I never noticed when we were living in the same city. He hasn't said "I love you" yet (I said it once to him without his response) and traveling every weekend to go see each other is exhausting. I'm his first real girlfriend. I keep comparing him to the guy I dated for 3 years, who called me often and constantly told me how wonderful I am.

Am I just being insecure? Is there something that I can do? I just feel lonely and unsatisfied during the weeks when I don't see him. I'm very busy with work, maybe I just need more fun in my life. I guess I need some advice on long distance relationships and how to know when it just isn't going to work out.

Devorameira · Nov 10, 2010, 11:41 AM

Long distance relationships are hard, but insisting that you talk to him several times a day is ridiculous.

You said he's got a job, so why do you expect him to call more than once a day?

You are clingy and insecure, but that's something that you need to deal with.

If you really can't deal with this temporary separation from him, then maybe you do need to break it off and move on to someone who lives locally.

lilian567 · Nov 10, 2010, 12:29 PM

Thanks for the reply. It was a good slap in the face wake up call. I guess I didn't realize how insecure I was acting. I'll focus instead on being happy here without him. I never insisted on him calling me more, just wish he wanted to.

Laceybug2085 · Nov 11, 2010, 01:16 AM

The fact that you are willing to move for a guy who can't even say I love you is crazy! Date him don't smother him and see where this heads before you make a big move that may not work. He can move just as easy and yet he hasn't so, sometimes actions speak loudly... I don't want you to get hurt if he isn't as mature or, serious as you are. My advice take things slow!

lilian567 · Nov 11, 2010, 06:20 AM

Thanks for replying. I should mention that he got a job there because we've both been talking about moving to that area. He said he'd be willing to move further into the city and commute if I ended up there. Originally we were going to go to Chicago, but neither of us could find work there and we both want to be closer to our families, in this area.

The funny thing is, he's the one who did all of the chasing in the beginning... he asked me to be his girlfriend after our second date! I said that I wanted to take things slow... I don't know. He hasn't said I love you, even after 9 months... do you think he ever will? I know he's never said it to any girl before or had any serious relationships, but he's been burned before. I'm not used to being the clingy one in the relationship, and I hate it, but I don't really know how to change because I also don't want to lose the heat in the relationship. Any tips?

Thanks everyone for your feedback.