[binghot]

To start with,my father is a drunkard,boastful,dominant and irresponsible parent.he was spoiled to my mother.my mother died when almost 3 of us have their own family,she have 4 sons and a daughter which is me,45,2nd to the eldest.my mother raise all of us and send us to school until we finish our degree all by herself although during that time she is still living with my father.all of her inhereted land was sold not because of our schooling but because of my father's vices and boastful character.we had a bad reputation after my mother died because our father create stories if we did not gave him enough money for his vices.that thing mark to our mind because he is one who is bad not us.when we start having a job he always demanding us about money until now that we have our own family.if we did not give him enough money that he want he gave us problems.we just ignore before when he always tell lies to people that we are very bad which makes us mad because it's not true.he had another wife 1 year after the death of my mother,he was 55 then and he brought her and their son to our old house which my mother inherited to her father and where my 2 single brothers live.problems arises during their stay there until they parted ways.he is 68 now,when he was 62 he went back again to our place and do the same thing and much worse to loose our reputation in the community.but there is a saying that"you can put a good man down".luckily our reputation is back again because they proved that what our father says and done on us are all lies.now he starting asking money again to buy foods and medicine to other community and friends wherein he has enough food and medicine at home.since my 3 brothers are in canada he always want much money to boast which we do not want him to do again.we only give him just enough for his needs.he is doing everything to disgrace us.we done nothing wrong to him and to community.we're doing our responsibilities to him but still why is he doing this to us.my 4 brothers are all decispline and well mannered unlike him,all of us want to stop what he is doing because 4 of us have families of our own and almost our children are teenagers and feel shame of what their grandfather is doing.. please give me advise to do.my brothers are all pissed off to him.they want me to sue him since I'm the only one residing here in the philippines.

[smoothy]

I assume he lives in the Philippines as well as you, and this occurred in the Philippines.

Not sure how your law sees this... but in the USA you would actually have to prove real and monetary damages... what you feel would not qualify to win a case. He's 68, its possible he has the beginnings of alzheimer's disease and actually believes what he is saying.

[Jake2008]

I don't know why, with you and your siblings having had considerable success with degrees, good jobs, and stable families of your own, that you feel your father is somehow 'slandering' you.

He may be boorish, demaning, and not a great guy, but, why is that such a problem for you in the first place.

The only person, as an adult, you are responsible for, is yourself. You may live your life very differently than your father lived his, and everything you say about him could very well be true, but why do you think you can change him, and why do you think that at his age, you can force him to change?

He is who he is.

If you have to limit your contact with him, do so. If he does contact you, don't allow the conversation to involve topics that you are uncomfortable with, and just tell him you do not wish to discuss it. Regardless of who he is or what he says and does, accept that, you cannot change a 68 year old man!

If I were in your circumstances, I would also be putting the brakes on the continued conversations with your adult siblings about dear old dad, to rest as well. I would tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. You also do not have any control or influence over what your adult siblings choose to say, or do. But, you do not have to be a part of it whatsoever.

Time to put some boundaries in place, live your own life, realize that you can do nothing to change your father, either his past, his present, or his future, and live your own life by setting limits with him. And your siblings.

[Laceybug2085]

He's your dad and you should always love him but it's not your job to take care of him. And let him say what he wants to say if the people. Know how he is they won't believe him and if they know you then they know your reputation. My advice let it go. He probably won't be around much longer try to keep as much peace as possibly but don't let him walk all over you.

[Aryianna]

That's a common problem among alcoholics. The problem is you're dealing with a very sick man. He's suffering emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. His lies are a manifestation of a spiritual, mental and emotional illness. You must distance yourself from him and not get involved with him financially, especially if he is in no real need. You must also distance yourself from emotionally and mentally so that you may get a perspective on the situation.

To file a case against him for slander is too time consuming and mentally and financially taxing. It's better to deal with the matter spiritually. Take care of yourself, practice continued forgiveness and set boundaries. The truth will surface in the end, despite the slanders. But do not keep placing yourself in a situation of being abused. Do not be a doormat. You've learned that he cannot be trusted, so don't entrust him with impportant matters. Treat him accordingly: he's very sick.