[nikkianne1423]

I'm a fool, pathetic. A loser really. I'm still not over my first love and I feel as if it will just get worse instead of getting better. He has a new girlfriend and he seems very content and happy. I want to let it go, but I never have been able to. It's sad and depressing. He always comes back and I feel like he won't this time because he has her. Everyone I know just idolizes this kid and it bothers me because I feel as if I am the only person he has burned. Help me through this please.

[Devorameira]

How old are you?

How long did you date and how long have you been broken up?

Sometimes it takes a long time to heal from a fractured relationship. The best thing you can do is go complete No Contact and avoid him. You'll get through this just fine, but it won't happen overnight.

[nikkianne1423]

We are both 18. And we were each others first loves. We were on and off for 4 years. And we have not been together for almost 2 years now, but why I have the issue I have is that every year he comes back and we were together but not "together".

[nikkianne1423]

And it seems now that he has a new girlfriend, so I have been officially replaced.

[spitvenom]

I know this may sound cruel but him getting a girlfriend might be a blessing in disguise. How do you expect to get over someone if you are always getting back "together"? From this point on don't answer his calls, text, IM, etc... Work on yourself it will take time but you will get over him. We all go through it and we all come out stronger and a little wiser.

[Enigma1999]

I'm sorry you are going through this, but this too shall pass...

I think, for now, you need to concentrate on you and focus on school and yourself.

The best way to help yourself, is to keep busy. Busy busy busy.

Keep busy with school, friends, family, perhaps picking up new hobbies, taking a drawing class, paiting class, cooking class, aything that will better YOU.

Also, by starting new things, this will open up doors for you. Meeting new people as well as learning about yourself. Who knows, you might meet the love of your life by putting yourself out there.

Don't worry about him and this new girl. Be happy for him, that he is happy.

Also, don't worry about what others may think of him.

Worry about you. Work on you.

You are young, and will have many more opportunities to meet guys. This one isn't the only one..

Good Luck.

[octobersgone]

You have already grown up so much! You have gone through a first love relationship and felt the passion of first love. For whatever reason you both realized at some point that the relationship was not going to work, and you've moved on. It is not unusual for a person in the future to "escape" to the memories and pleasantness of being young and in love. You know the feeling of being in love. What you don't realize is that the love of your life has not come along yet, and if you felt this feeling for him, can you imagine how you will feel when the right one DOES show up on the front porch?

Don't be so hard on yourself. True happiness is not found in another person. Happiness is the attitude you carry with you, and your frame of mind. Spend some extra time with ones that do love you, bake cookies with your Mom. It will make she and you feel wonderful. Ask a friend out for a walk in the park. And the next time you see him, let him know your happy. That way there can be closure so you both can move forward comfortably. Mr. Right is right around the corner... you just don't see him yet. Never fear, he walks by quite often!

[flowerchildfala]

Hun I'm going through a break up like you and it's OK to grieve and take time out for yourself but you cann't make this person your world! It's been 3 months for me and it gets slightly easier but I really think it's all up to you, you have control over how you feel and you need to stop telling yourself you're a loser etc. I did the same thing but now every time I say that to myself I stop and say "no im a great amazing person, and i will find someone" and trust me, you will start to believe it and it does help with your confidence and with moving on.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but this too shall pass...

I think, for now, you need to concentrate on you and focus on school and yourself.

The best way to help yourself, is to keep busy. Busy busy busy.

Keep busy with school, friends, family, perhaps picking up new hobbies, taking a drawing class, paiting class, cooking class, aything that will better YOU.

Also, by starting new things, this will open up doors for you. Meeting new people as well as learning about yourself. Who knows, you might meet the love of your life by putting yourself out there.

Don't worry about him and this new girl. Be happy for him, that he is happy.

Also, don't worry about what others may think of him.

Worry about you. Work on you.

You are young, and will have many more opportunities to meet guys. This one isn't the only one..

This is really great advice!! Everything that has been said is so true!!

[eokhuijzen]

Oh what great advice everyone is giving you... to focus on YOU! I am a therapist so please take what I say as a caring person and not your doctor. Here are a few thoughts:

Your words are: I'm a fool, pathetic. A loser really.

Look into what is called DBT therapy. It changes the way you talk to yourself. Group DBT has been researched and PROVEN to work 100%. I guarantee if you are saying this about the breakup that there may be some other things you are saying this about too. Am I wrong? It sounds like you may have a low self esteem. You are not a looser, a fool or pathetic in any way. Breakups are hard especially when you are the one that was broken up with and that other person found someone. You loose control. As humans when we don't have control we panic. It is a natural reaction. Just think, if you lost control of your car you would panic. The same thing is happening now. A bit of advice from an old mother like me... If it did not work the first time it won't work again. Stop going back first of all. You are torturing yourself. Stop all contact immediately. You will think of him all of the time for a very long time if this is your first true love. But if you keep getting back together, accepting calls or making them this will never go away. But over time IF you stop contact, ALL contact things will heal. Why? How? You may be asking? Because you will allow yourself time to grieve. This is a LOSS. It is just like if someone dies. You will experience all of the same grieving processes. Anger, feeling betrayed, lonely, sadness but eventually acceptance.

Now, back to DBT. In your situation, DBT will teach you that it is NOT YOU. You are a person with feelings. So totally natural and obvious right? Be glad for these sad feelings as they help us in the future to learn what true happiness means. A person practicing DBT says, "The relationship ended. I can not control this. I am not a bad person for this. It is just a situation that happened in my life. I am not a looser because I am feeling sad. I am feeling sad because I am human and have feelings and somthing sad happened in my life. So many of us think of being sad or angry as "bad." There are no "bad" feelings. You would not tell me I am "bad" because I have feelings would you? If I was happy for myself that I got a good test score and someone else got a bad test score does that make me "bad" or a "looser" to have these feelings? Of course not! This is what you are saying but in different context dear.

Now, no more contact no matter how much it hurts. Take it an hour at a time if you have to. Take your time to cry. Then you do what we call healthy distraction as someone mentioned above. Paint, run, take up a new hobby etc. These are things we teach people with bi-polar actually. When they are having their moments of mania we bring them back by healthy distraction, You will have your moments and it is OK to cry. Slowly things will start to feel right again. You must give it time. Again, this is like a death. Think of it this way. It may help. There are also grieving groups out there that you can attend for free. Grieving is not just for someone dying. We grieve through many things in our life. I grieved when my father and grandfather passed, when I got a divorce (talk about love of my life!), when I lost my job, even when I cut my hair once! Can you believe it? :) Time will heal all things but 2 things to work on:

1. DBT TALK
2. NO CONTACT

And I promise that you will be back to yourself sooner than you think! Good luck dear!